Dear Gem – Month 18

Dear Gem – Month 18

You toddled your way right out of babyhood – I don’t have a baby any more. I really miss the baby you used to be, but we are having so much fun with the little girl that you have become. You are hilarious, and intelligent, and very sweet.

Right now you are trying to figure out counting. You still repeat “two” over and over as you work your way through a pile of items, or run through your fingers. But you’ve figured out that something is going on, that there is a method and a goal in place when we count, whether it’s our fingers, or crackers, or crayons. You are so close to “getting it.” I hope I’m there, I hope I get to see it when it finally clicks for you. I love that moment when you figure something out. The air becomes electric, and you positively glow.

You’ve been frustrated with your fingers lately. As you try to mimic our counting on fingers motions, you have figured out that your ring finger does not behave as well as the other fingers. You’ll pull that ring finger up again and again and try to make it stay in place, but it just keeps folding back down if your other fingers aren’t up as well. You purse your lips and furrow your brow and try it again, but that ring finger just keeps curling back down. I was a lot older than you when I figured out that my ring finger behaved differently from my other fingers.

You actually have great small motor control. You love to color. You can color for hours. I can take you out and know that as long as you’re not hungry or tired, I can keep you well entertained with a piece of paper and a handful of crayons. And you are not just scribbling, you are very specific about where you place color on the paper, and you draw circles most of the time. You also frequently say “eye” and “nose” while you are coloring so I wonder if you are trying to draw faces. Daddy draws faces for you a lot when you color together.

toddler drawing

I knew it was time to start getting coloring books for you when you started coloring in the polka dots on your chair. I’m not sure I want to be the mom who blogs about how her daughter stays in the lines when she colors on the furniture, but here I am. To be honest, I don’t care a bit about staying in the lines. Lines are suggestions, not rules. Don’t let lines limit you. Still, I think it’s pretty cool that you mimicked the forms on the fabric when you were coloring – but about coloring on the furniture, not cool. The walls and books are off limits, too.dont let the lines limit you

Also not cool: yelping “HELP!” when I’m trying to strap you back into the stroller out in public. Ok, a little bit funny, just a little bit, but mostly not cool.

You’ve recently developed a little fear of heights. This is probably a good thing and age appropriate, but it does damper your fun on the playground equipment. You used to go up the stairs and down the slide with reckless abandon, and now you’ve noticed that you can see the ground through the little holes in the platform and it’s freaking you out. You’ll make it to the top, and just stop and sit there, refusing to budge. I’m sure you’ll get over this on your own time, until then, we’ll keep taking you to the playground and let you go at your own pace. You still love to go to the playground. Sometimes new knowledge or awareness can be scary, it alerts us to our limitations. This new fear just shows us that you’re smart. Eventually you incorporate that knowledge into your understanding of how the world works, and it gets a little less scary. You’ll be scampering across the playground equipment again in no time.

toddler loves bookstores

Your favorite place to visit is the kid’s section at the bookstore. We go nearly every day and it just doesn’t get old for you. I love the fact that we live within walking distance, it makes our daily appearances much easier. And in the past couple weeks, you’ve been able to walk the entire distance yourself.

toddler loves books

Everyday you surprise us with another new word. We are still learning to hear what you are saying, you enunciate like a toddler, and that makes things interesting at times. The other day you were identifying body parts and said “eye” and “nose” and then when you got to my mouth you said “cake,” or at least that’s what I though you said. That was pretty funny. But the next day, you did it again, and this time I heard a little better. You didn’t say “cake” when you got to my mouth, you said “kiss.” That just melted my heart.

I am so lucky that I get to be your mother.

I love you

Mommy

Dear Gem – Month 17

I’ve had the hardest time getting a good picture of you lately. You’re not one to sit still and wait for the shot. You’ve got things to do, places to go, bookshelves to climb. Each night when I download the photos from my memory card, I sort through picture after picture after picture of the back of your head. It seems I’m just following you around.

And that’s alright.

I love your sense of adventure. I love your curiosity. I love your explorer’s spirit. Well, except when I need a nap. I don’t know what we would do without a play pen. I’m afraid you’d be off trekking in Nepal by now if we hadn’t come up with some way to fence you in. Not that there’s anything wrong with trekking in Nepal. In fact if that’s something you want to do someday, far, far into the future, I hope you do. Just not yet. I’m addicted to your hugs and kisses, and I sleep so much better when I can hear your little baby snores in the next room.

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I worry that you’ve been spending too much time trapped in our living room watching TV. On the other hand, you’ve learned things from the TV that I didn’t think to teach you. You learned how to jump! Seriously. Ok, well, your toes aren’t quite leaving the ground yet, but you get your shoulders and heels moving in an upward motion while you chirp “Jump!” It’s the cutest thing. I was wondering where you got that from because I don’t really use the word jump around you, and I’m really not much of a jumper. It’s not like I’ve been modeling this behavior. But then I watched an episode of Yo Gabba Gabba with you, and watched you jump along through the “Jumpy Jump Jump Jump Jump Jump” song. I wonder what other important lessons I’m forgetting to teach you.

dandelion dance

As much as you love Yo Gabba Gabba, your favorite TV show is Ni Hao, Kai-Lan. You even recognize the lead in to the show where it is announced. You get up and squeal and dance, waving your little arms, through the opening and even through much of the show. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you as happy as you are while you are dancing to that theme song. My favorite time of day is when Ni Hao, Kai-Lan comes on because I love seeing you so completely enraptured. I’ve heard many kids have specific songs or shows that really get them dancing. Your Uncle Timmy used to go ape over the song “It’s so easy to fall in love” by Linda Rondstadt. Apparently when I was little my song was the theme song to the Davy Crockett Show.

yellow flowers

Your vocabulary is just exploding these days. I don’t think I could even catalog all the words I’ve heard from you. Today I handed you a banana, and you said “banana.” Three syllables! That is so cool. You can name off body parts like nose, toes, ear, eye (although it’s quite alright if you refrain from poking my eye out while identifying the eyes on my face). Your favorite words at the moment are “ball” and the previously mentioned “jump.” You are getting so much more effective in communicating with us. I’ve been a complete failure at teaching you to sign, with the exception of the sign for “eat.” This is not your fault at all. You see, teaching you the sign requires that I actually remember what the sign is myself. It’s not happening. In fact you may actually be correctly signing entire dissertations at me, but I’m just not getting it. On the other hand, we have “eat” nailed. And that has saved us so much stress. At the very least, I know when you’re hungry. I completely understand why supermoms teach their kids to sign.

baby found a pretty

It’s amazing to watch your brain develop. You are figuring things out so quickly these days. Last month Mary Jane made a game for you that was simply a little canister with a slot in the lid combined with a stack of poker chips. You love that game. You’ll pop those poker chips in through the slot, one by one, then bring it back to me so I can empty it and you start all over again. Recently, you’ve started sorting the chips into piles of blue, red, and white, and then pushing them through the slot in groups by color. You are learning your shapes and anymore when I give you a cracker, it’s not so much a cracker as it is a circle or a square. You have also started counting, or at least I think that’s what you are trying to do. You’ll move a stack of items, like the poker chips, from one pile to the other, saying, “two” with each item. Every number is two, but I think you’re starting to get the idea. “Two, two, two, two…” You’re too cute.

baby looking up

You’ve gotten a lot more affectionate in the past couple months, and let me tell you, that does your Mama’s heart a lot of good. You’re still a go, go, go kind of girl, but now you take a break every so often and come over and give me a hug and a kiss. Unbidden. I love that. Surprise kisses are awesome! I think sometimes you know when I’m having a bad day and need extra hugs, too. You’re an amazingly perceptive little girl. I hope I don’t burden you too much with my illness, especially as time goes on, because taking care of Mommy is not your responsibility. But I do love your little hugs and kisses.

I rock

This last little piece I want to put in here because I think there’s a chance you might argue with me about it in the future. Your favorite food right now is broccoli. Yes, that’s right. Broccoli. If I’m eating broccoli, you will try to take it away from me so you can eat it yourself. I can eat chocolate all day and it’s safe, but my broccoli you will steal. That’s alright. You can eat broccoli all day long if you like. It’s that good for you.

You are growing up so much right now. I miss the little baby you used to be, but I am so proud of the little girl that you are becoming.

I love you.

Mommy

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Dear Gem – Month 16

Dear Gem – Month 16

I recently heard a quote that really resonated with me:

Life is not waiting for the storm to pass, it’s learning to dance in the rain.

I love the way this is stated, and it’s one of those life lessons that I really want you to understand.  Your life is never going to be perfect.  There will always be something that is not quite right, sometimes worse than others.  You can’t just tell yourself that “things will be better when…”, or I’ll get on with my life after….”  Live Now – regardless of what’s going on in your life.

Besides, dancing in the rain can be a lot of fun.

Kissing in the rain is pretty awesome too – but, you’ll wait another 20 years to find that out.  Right?

As I”m writing this letter I’m sitting in a big hospital recliner as the chemo drips into me.  It’s not my favorite way to spend an afternoon, I’d rather not have to deal with this at all.  But it’s not all that bad either.  It’s nowhere near as bad as my imagination made it out to be back when I was diagnosed.  It’s interesting how the imagination tends to run towards best case and worst case scenarios, and spends very little time in the middle ground where most of reality exists.

An imagination is a wonderful thing – and I hope you develop yours and put it to good use.  It is also a power that can be abused; be sure to use this power for good and not evil.  Let your imagination run free as you are generating new ideas, but when it comes time to applying these ideas to real world applications, then it’s time to do some research. And by research, I don’t mean disregard everything that doesn’t support your point of view.  Seriously.  If you come across evidence that disproves your theory, chase it down.  Do not ignore it.  It is so important to educate yourself on the whole issue; failing to do so will damage your credibility.  And lets face it, there will be times in your life when your credibility is all you have to offer.  Take good care of it.

/lecture

Sorry about that, sometimes I get on my soapbox and prattle on about things not one else really wants to discuss.  But then that’s why I have a blog.

You had your first overnight stay away from us this month.  Daddy and I went camping with friends and you stayed with Grandma for two nights.  That must have been a lot of fun for you.  I’m sure Grandma enjoyed it as well. Grandma is awesome and all, but still, three days and two nights away from you wasn’t easy.  You, on the other hand, seemed to think it was pretty cool.  Good for you.

I love that you are so adaptable.  I keep hearing that kids need routine and they need things to be the same all the time, but that doesn’t seem to be the case with you, my little adventurous one.  Adaptability is another one of those life skills that will take you places, and make your life a lot more interesting, fun, and easier too. The adaptability makes it easier for us to travel with you, which means more adventures for you, too.

We spent this past weekend in Bellingham, and we had a wonderful time.  Your adaptability makes it so easy for us to travel with you.  You love and adventure, and so do we.

You love to dance and you get to bouncing and swinging around whenever you hear music. Tonight you figured out that you could make yourself dizzy by spinning in circles.  You spent the longest time spinning and giggling and falling down, then getting up and doing it over again.

You are learning so much every day and your vocabulary is just exploding.  You can say all different parts of the body: Eye, nose, ear, toes, foot, belly.  You know one and two.  You are getting better about using the sign for thank you when we give you things. You love to give hugs and kisses, and you warn us that we are going to get a kiss by announcing it first.  And you are so loving and sweet to your dolls and stuffed animals.  You give them hugs and kisses, and rock them and sing and talk to them. You try to share your cookies and water with them too.  You are becoming such a sweet little girl.

You bring so much joy to our lives.  Being your mother makes me want to be a better person.  You inspire me.

I love you.

Mommy

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Dear Gem – Months 14 & 15

I’ve fallen so far behind in writing these letters to you that I need to combine two months into one. In fact, it’s almost time to write your 16 month letter. I guess I’d better make this a good one.

It would be really easy for me to blame this on the cancer, fatigue, etc., yadda, yadda, yadda, but the truth is that your mama is a procrastinator. Seriously. I even procrastinate on going to the bathroom if I’m watching a really good show, then I have to do that goofy potty walk/run to get the the bathroom and hope that I make it in time so I don’t have to change clothes before I get back to my show. I even procrastinate on doing things that I want to do, especially if it involves something complicated, like getting off the couch.

Ok, I’m not that lazy. But I have been avoiding things that involve thinking lately – and I suppose writing these letters qualifies under that heading.

You are changing so much every day; you ‘re just full of surprises. You have started arguing with me. When I tell you “No touch” you put down your foot and firm up your face and firmly announce “touch!” You have also discovered the word “no,” and you back it up with a shake of your head. You’ve even been using yes and no correctly in context to the TV. You were watching Ni Hao, Kai-Lan the other day and Kai-Lan asked if you had ever seen a dragon; you shook your head and said no. Then Kai-Lan asked if you would like to see a dragon, and you nodded your head and said yes. That just blew me away.

We’ve had a busy couple of months. Earlier this week we spent the day on the Adventuress, a 133 foot long, 3 masted schooner that just happens to have the 2nd largest main sail on the Pacific Coast. This is a mighty ship. You did quite well on that trip, despite the fact that we wouldn’t let you run around on deck. Little Miss Independent, you like to run free; you are such an adventurer. You don’t want to hold our hand when we walk, you want to explore everything untethered. You are frequently disappointed in that endeavor. But, as you learn to listen to us, and obey us, you’ll get more freedom – even if the thought of letting go of your little hand still terrifies me.

You enjoyed our trip to the zoo so much that we ended up buying a membership. I’m hoping to make good use of that membership, Mommy needs to log some long hours walking anyways. Daddy and I had more fun watching you than the animals.

At times you looked more like you were cheering on your favorite sports team – or even your favorite rock band.

And you certainly didn’t mind pushing Daddy’s head around to get a better look.  He’s getting used to you grabbing his ears and eyeballs, and he really loves carrying you around on his shoulders.  It’s a good thing, because it’s your favorite place to be.

Your other favorite place to be is at the book store.  You love books, and the kids section of the book store has BOOKS! and also TOYS! which means you can spend hours running back and forth from the BOOKS! to the TOYS! until you completely wear yourself out and crumple up into a big pile of fussy and we take you home for a nap. Actually, that happens several days a week.

You love your books at home too.  In fact we have a couple fabric books that week keep in your crib because we discovered that when you wake up in the morning, you will entertain yourself for an hour or so by “reading” your books to Molly and Peanut. One of my favorite experiences each day is snuggling a little deeper into my pillow in the morning while listening to your sweet voice babble away to your stuffed animals.  It’s a lovely way to start the day.

You bring so much happiness to our home.  I’m so blessed that I get to be your Mommy.

I love you.

Mommy

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Dear Gem – Month 13

Dear Gem – Month 13

Today is Mother’s Day (or at least it was when I started writing this letter), the perfect day for me to tell you how much I love being your Mother.

I got the best Mother’s Day gift ever on Friday; after a month of not being able to lift or carry you because of the surgery, the doctor finally gave me permission to start using my arm, which means I can take care of you all by myself again. It is so nice to finally be able to hold you, and take care of you by myself!

But we did find ways to snuggle this past month. I spent a lot of time sitting on the floor so you could come up and hug me whenever you wanted. It amazes me how you seemed to instinctively understand that you needed to be gentle with me. You are so perceptive, and very, very sweet. You even say “awwwww…” and pat my shoulder as you hug me. It’s the cutest thing.

Several friends came and helped around the house. and helped me keep an eye on you each day while Daddy was at school. I’m so thankful for their help. You enjoyed the company (audience), and it eased my mind to know that they were available to lift you to the high chair, or changing table, or into your crib – and to get you out of trouble as well – you have entered a climbing phase. At least I hope it’s a phase, but I suspect you are just going to become progressively more adventurous. And truthfully, that’s one of the things I love most about you – your sense of adventure – even when you give me a little heart attack while you’re perched on the edge of a piece of furniture.

gem

One of your favorite words is “THIS.” You walk around the house, or even stores when we go out, and hold up random objects proclaiming, proudly and emphatically, “THIS!” After a few weeks of “this,” I nearly fell out of my chair laughing, but proud, when you pointed at something and said “THAT!”

gem

Most of the time when I look at you I see a beautiful little girl, but every once in a while, I see the baby you used to be. The way you hold your feet in the air while you’re laying on your back, or the way you cuddle with me both can take me back to several months ago. I miss that baby, but I am so proud of the little girl that you are becoming. You are so smart, you have an amazing attention span, you are perceptive, and gentle, and sweet, and loving, and friendly. These are all qualities that will serve you well as you get older. I can’t wait to watch you as you develop from a little girl into a young woman. But for today, it’s those snuggles that I enjoy the most.

I love you so much.

Mommy

 

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