Yes, I’m the shy girl. You, in the back, that just snorted – I heard that.
People who have known me for a long time may not realize how shy I can be. But the truth is, especially in cocktail hour, conference-type settings, I’m awkward silence girl. These events stir up all kinds of anxieties in me. I sit there and rack my brain trying to think of something to say – and the harder I think, the longer and more awkward the silence gets, which makes it even harder to think of something to say. It’s a deep, and endless spiral. And that’s if I manage NOT to blurt out something stupid, or nonsensical, or inappropriate, or offensive.
Conversing is so different from writing. There’s no opportunity to edit while you are speaking. Time delays are built in to written conversations, and expected, even when chatting or tweeting. But when you’re in a live, real world conversation, all bets are off. You’re out there, on your own, flying without a net.
Wine helps. A little.
More wine helps a little more.
Even more wine helps me nap right where I’m standing.
Unfortunately, most conferences start before the cocktail hour. But seriously, I do need to learn how to participate in a conversation without that kind of lubricant.
How do you do it? How do you keep a conversation going? Even if it’s with someone you’ve been dying to meet for years. Especially if it’s with someone you’ve been dying to meet for years.
How do you bridge the gap between standing alone in the center of a packed room, and walking up to someone, or a group of someones, and saying “hi” – and then what do you say next?
My pulse is racing while I write this. It’s a terrifying prospect for me.
I spent the day Saturday at Bloggy Boot Camp Seattle, which was, in a word, Awesome. But it was also, among other things, a networking event: talking required. I learned a lot – but of course, one of the biggest benefits of such an event is the opportunity to meet other bloggers. That meant sticking my hand out, and walking up to someone to introduce myself. And I did it! Most of the time without tripping over my own feet, or getting too terribly tongue tied.
There were still those moments where I stood in the middle of the room and surveyed groupings of people deep in conversation. What were they talking about? Could I easily join this conversation? Was anyone else also looking for someone to talk to? Or were they, like me, pretending to look busy so they didn’t look pathetic in the middle of the room silently trying to figure out who to talk to and how to start a conversation?
One of the brilliant bits of planning on the parts of the amazing ladies who organized this conference, was assigned seating that changed with each presentation. This meant that every couple hours or so, I was at a different table with a different group of bloggers, and it made it so much easier to make introductions, start conversations, and meet a larger number of people.
And the people who attended this event were just wonderful. From the moment I showed up to check in, an hour late (another story for another time), I was overwhelmed by just how amazing and, more importantly for me, approachable, everyone was. Superstar-blogger MamaKat has been one of my blogging heroes for years, and she got up and gave me a giant hug when we finally met at the conference. JennyOnTheSpot sat down next to me at lunch, and actually got me to talk a bit about myself to the table.
So many amazing people, and I’m still a little start struck and in awe of the entire event.
I learned a lot, too. Not that I have actually applied anything I learned yet. For instance, Danae Handy and MamaKat led an amazing breakout session on writing. They didn’t just tell us to apply the narrative arc to everything we write; they actually showed us how to apply it to a blog post. For instance, this infernal post that you have been reading forever because it just wont end (thank you for sticking with me, by the way) would fit beautifully into a hero’s journey format.
I would be the hero (I like the sound of that), and my quest would be to summon the courage to make more connections (and maybe even friends) at a networking event, the antagonist would be my shyness and insecurities, my allies would be the other amazing people at the blog conference and the speakers who all seemed to do a great job of building my confidence as well.
I would build the story in ever increasing waves of tension as you follow along through my attempts to initiate and navigate through conversations, and triumph with me as I leave the conference with a head full of great ideas, a belly full of wonderful wines, fists full of schwag and the business cards of other bloggers, and most importantly, my confidence through the roof. In the end my anxiety would be vanquished, and I would be the queen of the bloggers (or at least the queen of CoffeeJitters.Net) and then my allies would be rewarded with loads of link love (which I’ll try to do anyway). Those things happened, I just didn’t write the post that way. But I can totally see now how that structure would improve this monstrosity.
See, I get it Danae. I really do. But, I also know myself well enough to know that any thoughts of rewriting this 1000+ word post are little puffs of nothingness that will never happen – especially while I”m in the middle of this 4000 mile road trip. So the post goes up as is.
The conference was worth every penny, and worth every moment of awkwardness. I feel a little more confident in what I’m doing as a blogger, no one bit me or gave me a why-the-hell-are-you-talking-to-me look while I was at the conference, I made some new friends, and now it’s time to put this post to bed and get some sleep. We’ve got a long drive ahead of us tomorrow. The next post will come from 600 to 900 miles away, and maybe from a different country. Not sure yet. We’re flying by the seat of our pants.
My goodness, you are such an adaptable little girl.
This month has been crazy with Mommy pulling all-nighters finishing up her semester at school, then every day spent at Grandma’s packing her home up for the move to Alaska (finally done with those two items. yay!). And now Daddy is pulling all-nighters to finish the requirements for his degree and grade his students’ papers, not to mention all the work he put into organizing the Conference on Near and Middle East Studies. Then once we got Grandma moved out of her home, she’s been staying with us and sharing a bedroom with you.
That’s a lot of change, and a lot of chaos for a little girl to deal with, and you have handled it beautifully. You just keep finding ways to explore and have fun in whatever new environment or situation you find yourself in.
Hold on to that adaptability. Embrace it. That sense of adventure, that ability to find joy in any situation, the ability to adapt and continue to thrive in new situations, even if they are less than ideal, is the key to happiness.
It is so easy for us to fixate on things we can’t control. But that won’t fix anything, and it just makes you miserable. Focus on the things you can control, and keep up this practice of looking for joy wherever you are. You will find it.
The next few weeks will provide you with many more opportunities to practice adaptability. We’re getting ready to hit the road in a few hours for a very long trip. We’re going to drive through Canada up to Alaska to take Grandma to go live up there. This will be your first trip to Alaska, and the return will be your first flight.
And if that were not enough, as soon as we get back to Seattle, we are moving to a new home, too.
I can’t wait to share this great adventure with you!
I’ve spent the past month helping Mom move out of her apartment. Through that process I’ve been taking a moment to scan photographs before packing the pictures to ship. OK, I’ve been taking a little more than a moment to preserve the photos, but it’s well worth the time investment. I love having these photos digitized, and accessible to the family on Flickr.
I made a point of setting aside these photos of my dad from his tour of duty in Vietnam in 1968-69, so I could put them up for today’s Memorial Day post.
Michael H. Schwartz
Bronze Star, Vietnam War
Thank you Dad, and Grandad, Aaron, Alex, David, and everyone else that served.
Shortly after we were engaged, Aaron and I went to dinner with some friends. We got to talking about my family, so I pulled this picture of my dad and brothers from my wallet. Lars looked at the picture a moment, then set it down on the table while backing away a bit.
He turned to my husband and said, “Dude, whatever you do, don’t piss her off.”
I guess it’s time for another update on the whole kicking-cancer’s-ass and getting-on-with-my-life situation.
Let me e’splain.
No, there’s too much. Let me sum up.
The Ugly
I finished up the radiation treatments and my skin is feeling much better, although it still looks dirty and scaly in a big square-shaped patch across my chest and collarbone. It’s not too much of a problem, although I look like I missed a spot while bathing if I wear a v-neck, or anything with a lower than crew-neck collar. That’s all fine though, and it will fade with time.
I just have a handful of Herceptin treatments left, and I’m done with scheduled treatment altogether! And my hair has grown back enough for me to have bad hair days frequently! Anna, I’ll be giving you a call soon so you can whip my poor confused locks into shape.
My lymphedema is not really under control, so I’m going to have to get (even more) serious about dealing with that, and find some time (and $) for more physical therapy treatments. The swelling isn’t too bad at the moment, but the pain is getting worse, and it makes my right arm essentially useless, even for little things like writing more than a couple sentences by hand. One of the best things I can do for my arm is not lift heavy things, but more on that later. I’ll also need more lymphedema sleeves and gloves (very pricey) as mine are getting stretched out and not snapping back into shape anymore.
The Bad
The side effect that is having the biggest impact on my life right now is fatigue. It just seems like it should have lifted a bit by now, but it keeps getting worse. Part of the problem: I went back to school full time in January, and that may have been a bit too soon. I was determined, and I decided that cancer had sidelined my life long enough. So back I went. Full time. Why? Because I hadn’t been challenged enough lately? That semester kicked my ass, and by the time it was over, I felt like I just wanted to sleep for a month. (I did manage to pass all my classes, but I have never in my life been so happy to get a C.)
But no rest for me.
Aaron graduates with his Master’s Degree at the end of this quarter (that part isn’t bad, in fact it’s awesome!!), which means we need to be out of the school provided apartment, and get one of our own. So house hunting commences. And packing. And job hunting. And how do you get an apartment when you don’t have a job yet?
Also.
Mom is moving back to Alaska to live with my brother, and somebody has to pack up her apartment (hi). She wants to be completely out of her apartment by next week, then she will live with us a couple weeks until we hit the road to drive to Alaska.
The Good
Did you catch that “WE hit the road” part? Yeah, Gem and I are driving up to Alaska with mom! So Aaron can finish classes (teaching AND as a student), hunt for an apartment if we haven’t found one yet, hunt for a job, and finish packing up the house while the baby and I are on vacation. Then we’ll move into the new place as soon as we get back, just a few days before our vacate deadline for this apartment.
I’m really excited about this trip, and I have so many old friends in Alaska that I dearly miss and can’t wait to see again. Most of them haven’t even met my daughter yet. Brace yourself for this blog becoming a bit of a travelogue in the near future. I’ve been known to take a few pictures while on vacation.
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And the people who attended this event were just wonderful. From the moment I showed up to check in, an hour late (another story for another time), I was overwhelmed by just how amazing and, more importantly for me, approachable, everyone was. Superstar-blogger MamaKat has been one of my blogging heroes for years, and she got up and gave me a giant hug when we finally met at the conference. JennyOnTheSpot sat down next to me at lunch, and actually got me to talk a bit about myself to the table.
