Type of Cancer: Breast cancer – Stage IIIC triple negative breast cancer
Stage at Diagnosis: Stage IIIC
Treatment Plan: double mastectomy, 16 rounds of chemo 1 year of avastin
and 25 radiation treatments.
Current Status: Currently NED
How did you tell your kids about the cancer diagnosis?
We talked about the surgery to remove the sick breasts we talked about the medications and how they would cause. me to lose my hair and make me tired and not feel good. We had several books.
How did your kids respond?
Both girls were 3 years old and they did well we had a lot of support.
What are some things you did that worked really well for your family with regards to dealing with the cancer, and treatment, while raising children?
accept help when offered and ask for help when you need it,
Is there anything you wish you’d done differently?
I wish I had been well enough to work through treatment; the financial struggles were awful and still are. I should have asked for help sooner. People want to help and need to know what they can do.
How did the impact of cancer change as time passed, and your children grew? Did it change?
I think some of the effects are just starting to show. The girls worry more than they should have to. They do not really remember how sick I was. Just that I was bald.
Do you have concerns about the long term impact of your cancer on your children?
I worry that as they get older the realities of cancer and the risk of losing ones life will worry them. They were to young to understand that cancer could kill.
What advice would you give to other moms who are diagnosed with cancer?
Be as honest as you can with your children. They will know something is wrong. If you talk to them they will be less fearful. I think the unknown is more frightening than the truth.
What concerns or fears troubled you the most?
The fear of not being here to raise my little girls. I was blessed by adoption and I was terrified I would not be alive to see my babies go to kindergarten. They are now 1st and 2 graders.
How did you deal with those fears?
I strengthened my faith and did everything in my power to get healthy.
Have those fears and concerns changed over time?
I still worry that the cancer will come back. I just take it one day at a time.
What was your darkest moment?
getting the pathology back after my mastectomy.
What was your best moment?
the last day of active treatment
Did you decide to add more children to your family after your diagnosis? How did cancer figure into your decision?
I would love another child
What did you do to take care of you? How did you splurge on yourself?
I rested when I needed to and spent time with family and friends
Were you able to get help from friends and family members while you were going through treatment?
yes. I was lucky
Was it difficult to ask for help? Do you have any suggestions around the topic of asking for help?
It was difficult and still is. But I have found that many want to help and do not know how to offer. They are often grateful to be able to do something for you.
Did you have an online resource that helped you through this experience?
Young Survival Coalition
Did cancer/treatment impact your relationship with your spouse/partner?
Yes very negatively. In the long run we will be getting a divorce
What is something you wish your friends and family members understood about your cancer and its impact on your life? What would you tell the friends and family members of other mom’s diagnosed with cancer? What would you want them to know about what she’s about to go through, and how best they can support her?
That cancer does not end when treatment ends; it forever changes you.
Were there any cancer-related activities or events in which you participated that you think were especially helpful to you or members of your family
What are some solutions you found to practical problems of combining cancer treatment with raising young children?
I was lucky my parents live close (5 minutes) so they kept my girls the night before treatment and the night after. They also kept them for the 4-6 week stretch after my mastectomy so I would not lift them. I was close enough to see them anytime and was able to let my body heal.
When I stepped off the elevator into the Allrecipes offices, it opened up into a stunning kitchen and dining area. Food is the focal point of everything they do, and the kitchen is where that magic happens.
The stunning view from the kitchen looked out over Westlake Park, and across to the Macy’s building.
I had no idea that Allrecipes was in Seattle, a start-up born 17 years ago from a few University of Washington students bouncing around ideas for using this new internet thingy in conjunction with database technologies. I think they hit on a winner.
17 years is ancient in terms of social media, and they brought out their experts to give us some pointers
Social Media
Don’t simultaneously post the same update on all the social media outlets.
Facebook and Twitter and Instagram are used differently by media consumers, take that into consideration when posting.
Schedule posts in advance so they go out throughout the day, rather than bombarding readers with multiple posts hitting their feeds all at the same time
Kale and quinoa, and other healthy foods are hot right, but if you want a boost, cheesy casseroles are always good for a bump in shares.
Everyone loves grandma’s cheesy casseroles. People love grandmas. Grandmas are hot right now.
Food Photography
spritz food with water or olive oil to freshen it up during the photo shoot.
a sprinkle of salt or large grain sugar adds sparkle
if you are working with whipped cream, adding a little cornstarch during whipping will help it hold up better during the photography session
Of course, they fed us at the Allrecipes event: salad on a stick. That turned out to be quite the cute entertaining idea – the buffet line include kebab sticks with easily pierce-able foods such as ravioli, mozzarella pearls and cherry tomatoes. My favorite combo was watermelon, feta, and mint.
True to form, combining a bunch of bloggers with a food oriented event meant getting through the line took a minute as we all snapped away as we loaded our plates. Luckily I snapped a couple shots before loading my plate because I quickly realized that I am not graceful enough to juggle photography with a plate full of food.
Dessert was on a stick as well: strawberry shortcake on a stick. This was doughnut holes and strawberries. Chocolate sauce and whipped cream were provided for embellishing the treat.
This was such a great event, and I want to thank Allrecipes and Seattle Bloggers Unite for putting this event together. I look forward to delving into all that Allrecipes has to offer, and you can expect more recipes to be highlighted on this blog in the future.
My best friend, Dee, was helping me lace up the bodice of my wedding gown when we heard the sounds coming from another bathroom on the other side of the house. Dee looked confused, but I just smiled. I knew that sound. I knew that voice. That was my soon-to-be husband, singing his heart out in the shower just an hour before our wedding.
I took so much comfort in hearing him sing like that. Here he was getting ready for this monumental step and his heart was full of joy.
Ten years later, it still fills my heart with comfort and joy to hear him sing in the shower – and it takes me right back to our wedding day.
We packed a lot into these ten years: 3 degrees, 5 apartments, a bout with cancer, and longer period of healing from that battle, 14 emergency room visits, too many hospital overnights to count, and the most amazing little girl.
Today was our 10th wedding anniversary, and it was like a snapshot of the entirety of our marriage: It was a crazy day that included me being sick, taking Gem to school, picking her up from school, going back to the school for a conference with her teacher, going out to eat to celebrate our family, and stopping by the party at her school on our way back home. A busy, and at times overwhelming day full of ups and downs, love, illness, school, celebrations, learning, communicating, and just being happy being together.
When I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2010, one of the first things I did was head straight to the book store. I was looking for a book that would tell me how to juggle cancer and parenting my infant daughter. I didn’t find anything that provided helpful information or practical steps I could take to help ensure that my daughter still gets a vibrant childhood even when I have trouble getting out of bed.
As a writer, one recurring piece advice I keep hearing is write the book you want to read. While not a book, this blog series on cancer and parenting is a step in that direction.
If you found this site because you are in that unenviable position of having both cancer and young children, let me just say that the road ahead of you is difficult, but it is also full of love and joy. The thing I needed to hear most at this point in my journey was that my child can have a wonderful childhood and grow into a compassionate and strong adult despite my cancer. Your child can too.
This page is a work in progress; as each interview and story is posted, this page will be updated with the new post. I’ve got one post per week lined up for several months. Check back often to read more stories.
Did you have cancer while raising your children? Did you have children, or adopt, after your cancer treatment?
Sharing your story can be cathartic, it can also help other parents who are newly diagnosed, and scared, and overwhelmed.
The survey is long, but it provides significant leeway to share your story the way you want it told.
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