I just returned from a quick, four-day trip to Washington D.C. for ProjectLEAD with the National Breast Cancer Coalition.
Coincidentally, my daughter’s kindergarten class has been learning about Washington D.C. in their social studies segments. She wanted me to be sure I got my picture taken with the President.
I got this close.
The White House is beautiful at night.
Our schedule for this trip was very tight: 7:30 am to 7:30 pm, so I did not actually see daylight, with the exception of one quick run to Starbucks, and then the cab ride back to the airport on the last day. But I wasn’t there for sight-seeing or picture taking, we had much more important things in mind.
I’ll be posting much more on this project in the near future.
While my husband was in grad school studying Persian literature, I started exploring Persian culinary traditions as a fun way to embrace and support his studies. One of our favorite meals is the very simple dish of koobideh, ground lamb kebabs, served with roasted tomatoes and basmati rice.
The trick to a successful koobideh is to drain out the onion juice. This will help the meat to hold it’s shape better without being to soggy. The ground onion creates a much different experience in the flavor and texture of the dish than simply chopping the onion and adding it to the meat.
[amd-zlrecipe-recipe:11]
I was selected for this opportunity as a member of Clever Girls and the content and opinions expressed here are all my own.
How did you tell your kids about the cancer diagnosis?
We used the local Gilda’s club
How did your kids respond?
It was a very positive experience
What are some things you did that worked really well for your family with regards to dealing with the cancer, and treatment, while raising children?
I kept their routine as normal as possible
Did not give them too much information
Let them asked questions if they wanted to know more
Kept very open lines of communication
Used a lot of professional help- Gilda’s club and local help from my hospital with this
Is there anything you wish you’d done differently?
No
Do you have concerns about the long term impact of your cancer on your children?
Yes
What advice would you give to other moms who are diagnosed with cancer?
Don’t give your children too much info
Cancer is very scary for children.
Children process info VERY different than adults. Let them ask questions (if they have any) and follow their lead
What concerns or fears troubled you the most?
How did my diagnosis and treatment impact my children
How did you deal with those fears?
Time will tell
Have those fears and concerns changed over time?
Yes, As more time passes-I think about this less
What was your darkest moment?
Mental breakdown and depression 18 months after diagnosis
What was your best moment?
Every day (including today)
I love my life and my family and still think I am a very lucky person!!!
I am blessed
What did you do to take care of you? How did you splurge on yourself?
My husband put me first. Everything just fell into place: Whatever I needed – I got – whenever I needed it.
Were you able to get help from friends and family members while you were going through treatment?
Yes- I have an amazing group of friends
You know the statement-it takes a village. I have a village.
Was it difficult to ask for help? Do you have any suggestions around the topic of asking for help?
Very difficult. It is very humbling. Especially when you are used to doing and not needing.
Did cancer/treatment impact your relationship with your spouse/partner?
Yes, Not in a negative way. I fully understand how much my husband loves me. As I said- I am a very lucky person
Do you have any relationship advice for young moms dealing with cancer?
Be honest.
What is something you wish your friends and family members understood about your cancer and its impact on your life? What would you tell the friends and family members of other mom’s diagnosed with cancer? What would you want them to know about what she’s about to go through, and how best they can support her?
Just because you look ok on the outside- it doesn’t mean you are ok on the inside.
Cancer is not like strep. You are not better in 5 days. It can take awhile (even years) until you are ok.
I love this annual wedding planning gala. Get Hitched Give Hope helps to raise funds for the Young Survival Coalition which helps young women living with breast cancer, and the Dream Foundation which helps to grant dreams to people who are at the end of their life journey because of cancer. I love that we get a chance to participate in making a huge difference in the lives of people living with cancer, and I have to admit, I also love the chance to get dressed up and spend the evening with 3 of my favorite women.
How did you tell your kids about the cancer diagnosis?
Stage by stage: chemo: “I have cancer in my breast and need to take medicine to make the cancer go away. The medicine is called chemo.” “I’ll go to the doctor a lot and might get tired. You’ll still go to school everyday. We’ll have dinner together every night….” surgery: “My doctor is going to take the cancer away in a surgery. When I come home, I’ll be sore and have boo-boos.” We practiced ways we could hug and snuggle that wouldn’t involve my chest – hand hugs, leg hugs, finger hugs. radiation: “I have to go to radiation every day. Radiation is a lot like having an x-ray. Remember when you had an x-ray after….”
How did your kids respond?
My kids were young enough that they didn’t associate cancer with death. They took it in stride and asked many questions along the way. We answered them all honestly. Sometimes they complained that I didn’t always go to swim class with them or other things that they were used to. Sometimes they worried about me, tried to take care of me by getting blankets or food for me. Mostly, they just went about their normal routines.
I think that surgery was the hardest for them. At diagnosis, I had just stopped nursing my 2 year old. He was still quite attached to my breasts. When I showed the kids my scars, he said “no more babies can drink from there anymore. I don’t like it!” They have gotten used to my flat chest and scars now. My oldest even asked why all the mannequins at Victoria’s Secret have breasts. “Not all ladies have breasts!”
What are some things you did that worked really well for your family with regards to dealing with the cancer, and treatment, while raising children?
honesty. I think my kids would have been more scared if they sensed things were different but didn’t know why. We also kept their daycare providers in the loop. We told them the exact language we were using to describe what was happening to me so they could use it too.
Is there anything you wish you’d done differently?
In terms of the kids? No.
How did the impact of cancer change as time passed, and your children grew? Did it change?
My kids still talk about it some. They play “cancer.” One kid pretends to have cancer while the other pretends to be a friend bringing over food. They take care of each other and say things like, “I’m sorry you have cancer. Would you like a leg hug?” Occasionally, something dramatic happens. My oldest recently had a nightmare about a witch plucking out all of my eyebrows and eyelashes. Clearly, it has had an impact. We just keep talking about it.
Do you have concerns about the long term impact of your cancer on your children?
Yes. Long term, I worry about a recurrence, about dying, about leaving my husband with 2 boys to raise on his own. I hope though, that this was just another experience among many in their childhoods. It will, no doubt, impact them. I don’t want it to dominate them though.
What advice would you give to other moms who are diagnosed with cancer?
Tell your kids, talk about it, don’t hide it. Secrecy causes more fear.
What concerns or fears troubled you the most?
that my biological son will get cancer
How did you deal with those fears?
deep breaths, reality checks
Did you decide to add more children to your family after your diagnosis? How did cancer figure into your decision?
We were already fostering our oldest at diagnosis. We have since adopted him. The process was a little more difficult because of cancer.
What did you do to take care of you? How did you splurge on yourself?
regular spa visits, acupuncture, many dates with friends and hubby for movies or tea, parties
Were you able to get help from friends and family members while you were going through treatment?
Yes. I practically demanded it. The day I was diagnosed I emailed about 100 people. I told them what was happening and that I would need them. My friends then set up committees and divided duties into categories: food, childcare, chemo buddies/medical appts, housekeeping. We used Lots of Helping Hands to keep everything organized. When I needed something, I just contacted the key person for the appropriate category and it materialized.
Was it difficult to ask for help? Do you have any suggestions around the topic of asking for help?
No. I knew that if I didn’t ask for help all of the burden would fall on my husband and mother.
Did you have an online resource that helped you through this experience?
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