I just drool over Holly Yashi Jewelry. Their designs are quirky and out of the ordinary, yet still delicate and elegant. I love that combination.
My husband gave me a Holly Yashi set for our very first wedding anniversary, and it’s still a wardrobe staple for me. So, when Holly Yashi’s representative contacted me about doing a giveaway on my blog, my heart skipped a beat.
Holly Hosterman, Creative Director and Co-Founder of Holly Yashi, was diagnosed with breast cancer a year ago. (more…)
There is a certain coziness to autumn. After the chaos of summer, it’s the time when we settle back into routine; we find a rhythm. It is the time of comfort food, of warm colors, and crisp breezes. It is the season of pumpkin pie.
Once upon a time, autumn was my favorite season, but all that changed a few years ago.
October – Breast Cancer Awareness month
In September of 2010, I looked forward to October with some enthusiasm. It was my first Breast Cancer Awareness month since my diagnosis 7 months earlier, and I didn’t know what to expect. I thought a month dedicated to people like me might be fun, and there were some amazing fundraising parties, but I was not prepared for the Pepto Bismol-colored tidal wave that engulfed me.
Now, when I think of fall, it’s with white knuckles. I’m either bracing for, enduring, or recovering from Breast Cancer Awareness month. In October, those of us with breast cancer don our pink boas, and work frantically to earn money for the legitimate organizations that are truly working for a cure, or helping people to live with cancer. Meanwhile, hucksters get rich off my misfortune by slapping a pink ribbon on a product, then bumping up the price by $5 to donate $1 to breast cancer charities. Everything is painted pink, even carcinogenic items. Well meaning friends pass around internet memes where they pretend to be pregnant, and this is supposed to somehow give hope, or something, to those women who lost their fertility to breast cancer. Everything is all about breast cancer awareness, as if breast cancer was some newly discovered affliction, and awareness could actually help you avoid it.
Yes, it’s true that there are things you can do to reduce your odds. But as of today, there is no guaranteed prevention, and there is no cure.
This morning, my YSC family lost another angel. This was the third loss for us in as many weeks. Rachel was interviewed for the same CNN Heroes story as me last year – the one where we honored Debbie Cantwell, and the Pink Daisy Project. In this clip, you can hear her voice, you can see the sparkle of her big smile, as eye catching as her orange bandanna.
We are warm blooded women, with hopes and dreams and responsibilities and heartaches. We are mothers, daughters, sisters, friends, lovers. We are individuals.
We are not mascots.
We are more than statistics.
Over the coming month we will be lumped together and presented to you as a barrage of numbers. 1 in 3 get cancer in their lifetime. 1 in 8 will get breast cancer. But I want you to see the faces behind the numbers. And I want you to pay attention to what these campaigns are really fighting for. Be wary of campaigns that are just for breast cancer awareness.
My friends are dying, and it’s not for lack of awareness.
I am aware of breast cancer, and I was for decades before I was diagnosed with locally advanced breast cancer.
You, no doubt, are very much aware of breast cancer as well.
Awareness will not prevent breast cancer, and while it can sometimes improve projected outcomes, early detection and treatment does not guarantee that the cancer will not return.
We don’t need more awareness. What we need is a cure.
For all the frustration that surrounds Breast Cancer Awareness Month, there are some wonderful organizations who are doing laudable work in the breast cancer field, and these organizations depend on the funds raised in October for the following year’s budget.
Pay attention to what a breast cancer charity is fighting for. Are they raising money for awareness, or a cure? If they’re working towards a cure, how much of their research money are they putting towards the stage of breast cancer that is actually deadly, metastatic breast cancer? There are also a number of much needed breast cancer charities that do not focus on research at all, but their services are critical to the lives and well-being of women living with breast cancer.
Just to cut through the crap a bit, I’m going to list a few organizations below that do an excellent job of serving the needs of women with breast cancer. This is by no means an exhaustive list.
The Young Survival Coalition: YSC helps young women live with cancer, to connect with others with similar experiences, and to not feel so alone. I credit YSC with helping me keep my sanity while going through treatment.
The Pink Daisy Project helps young women with breast cancer to deal with the practical aspects of life while they are going through treatment. This is the organization highlighted in the CNN clip above, and they help young women who can’t wait for a cure. PDP hired someone to come clean my home while I was going through chemo and to sick to clean it myself. They sent me gift cards to buy the necessities of life when I was counting change from the couch to buy diapers.
The National Breast Cancer Coalition is so serious about curing breast cancer, they set a deadline, 2020. Their approach is science oriented rather than political, and they are committed to this goal.
The Dr. Susan Love Research Foundation – this science oriented research organization is also working on some groundbreaking research towards the goal of ending breast cancer in our lifetime.
Living Beyond Breast Cancer – the goal of LBBC is to empower all women affected by breast cancer to live as long as possible with the best quality of life.
If you find yourself tempted to buy something you don’t really need – just because it’s pink and it’s October – why not send your $5 (or whatever amount) directly to the organization of your choice instead? That way it’s tax deductible, and you know for sure that all the money is going to the charity.
Help us find a cure for cancer. Help us make pink just another color. Help us take back October.
The sickness and poorer part of our vows were not an invitation. I’ll have you know that despite pneumonia, cancer, myasethenia gravis, a combined 18 nights in the hospital, more than 10 dashes to the ER, 8 years of at least one and usually both of us as full-time college students, layoffs, hours cut, car trouble, eviction notices, healthy diets, exercise, a sweet and miraculously healthy baby girl, daily “adventures”, good friends, a lot of wine, belly laughs, a home full of books, homemade dinners, long conversations late into the night, snuggling, holding hands, and occasional long walks on the beach, we’re happier and more in love than ever. You should also be aware that we have not given up hope on the richer and health part of those vows. You know where to find us.
Also, Happy Anniversary to my amazing husband. I love you more.
Friday the 13th was a travel day. My time was spent contending with weather delays, missed connections, mismanagement, cancelled flights, long lines, and four separate boarding passes before I finally broke free of the Houston Airport. That flight actually took me to Washington D.C. (yes, coast to coast) before I could reach my destination in Indianapolis.
Exhausted from the chaos of the previous day, I joined my colleagues for breakfast, and the opening address from our CEO. I leaned back in my chair, sated with a delicious breakfast, and allowed the coffee to find it’s way through my circulatory system. I was acclimating. Then the words she was saying started to sink in. Like scraping the needle across a record, something in my brain screeched to a stop. I sat up straight.
Wait. Change?
You want to change YSC? You want to change the one thing that has been most helpful in keeping me sane over the past two years? I looked around the room; I wasn’t the only one looking uncomfortable. This wasn’t just any room, this was a room full of breast cancer survivors and supporters. These are women and men who are all-too-familiar with having change thrust upon them, changes no one should have to endure.
While the purpose of the event was to steer the organization towards a sustainable future that supports its mission to provide services for young women with breast cancer nationwide, I got a little something else out of it as well. The three day weekend distilled itself quite neatly into a lesson in change management.
On one day I saw agents rolling their eyes, defensively barking at everyone that they can’t control the weather, and disparaging travellers who were exhuasted, hungry, sore, irritated, anxious, travelling with a hoard of kids, and some (who may or may not have been me) who desperately needed to go to the bathroom but didn’t want to lose their place in line after already waiting an hour. To be sure, I do not envy their jobs; dealing with that many people in a crisis situation far from home can’t be easy. But in many ways the agents themselves contributed to the chaos and stress of the situation, encouraging it to advance from an unfortunate inconvenience to angry, pushing crowds.
The next day, I witnessed a very different method of dealing with change.
These are big changes that impact programs that were built with sweat, tears, and heart by unpaid volunteers. They are mucking about with, what is for many of us, our safe place. But I went home feeling ok about the situation, not because I agree with everything that has been decided, but because of the way the announcement and the subsequent activities were handled. The day was programmed around providing more information, and requesting comments, criticisms, and concerns from the participants. I’m fascinated by how liberating it felt to make a comment and have it really heard. Each time that happened, the stress lightened up a bit. After a night of dancing, things started to look a lot better the next morning.
There is also a great deal of value in hearing management say they don’t have that nailed down yet because they intend to consider our responses. Whoa. This was more than just letting affiliate leaders vent to get things out of their system, they were really collecting information.
I think there were two elements that were most effective in helping us process these changes: understanding and time. There’s just no way to quantify the value of being heard and really understood. Additionally, I have a better understanding of the plan, and on a logical level, I can see that these changes will help our organization be more nimble and responsive, remain sustainable, and ultimately help more young women with breast cancer. My head is there, my heart may take a bit more time to catch up.
And time was a critical element here as well. It allowed me to get used to the idea. These changes are six months off, so we have room to acclimate, plan for them, and make the best of them. Over the weekend there was a pattern of relieving pressure by taking and answering questions, followed by some time, and then another pressure relief opportunity. By the time I got on the plane to return home, I was still unsure how I felt about some of the elements, but the angst was gone. The transparency demonstrated throughout the event gives me hope that concerns that arise in the interim will be handled with the same grace.
It should be noted that the participants in this meeting are women and men who have already faced daunting changes and challenges, rose above them, and used them as a catalyst for helping others and improving the world around them. We have plenty of experience in adapting, and making the best of a situation. Give us a little time, resources, and infrastructure; we will make this work.
On the other hand, less time in Houston would have been preferable. But DCA turned out to be a beautiful airport (top photo), and I got to see the Washington D.C. monuments from the air, both coming and going. It’s been a quarter century since the last time I saw them.
How do you deal with change? Do you prefer to have time to get used to an idea? Or does more time mean you stew and worry more before it happens?
A friend once said to me “Enough with the character building; we’ve got plenty of character.” And I do believe I have plenty of character, yet life keeps the lessons coming at me.
One of those lessons is that I need to make a practice of taking care of myself, and I’m not just talking about the physical parts (exercising more, and eating less garbage), although that is an element. I’m talking about taking care of the rest of me – the parts that make me me.
Most of the time, I can rattle off 5 or 15 things that I love to do and I know will lift my spirits. Most of the time. The rest of the time, I’ve learned to rely on The List. The list is an ever growing and changing document that I keep on my computer, and periodically print out a copy for my purse and beside the bed. I also usually have handwritten versions in my journals, along with notes of items to add to the master list.
What’s on the list? Little things I can do, that are mostly quick, easy and free or very inexpensive to lift my spirits. At first, it felt a little silly to keep a list of mood lifters. I mean, I know what I like to do, right? But in those moments when I need them most, that seems to be the time I can’t think of any of them. I also keep a list of healthy snacks handy, for those times when my discretion is at the mercy of my cravings, but that’s another post for another day.
I’m not going to post the entire list – just a short version of some of my favorites. These are just some ideas you can add to your own list if you see fit. I usually add an item to the list every week or so, especially as I find new hobbies in which to indulge. I’ve also crossed off a few items. People change; what lifts them up can change, too.
The List: little pick-me-ups
1. Get out the camera.
Looking through the view finder forces me to look at the world with different eyes.
2. Change the lens on the camera.
New lens, new perspective. Everything looks different.
3. Get lost.
I love to hop in the car and drive. At every intersection, I choose the road with which I am least familiar until I’m lost. Then I find my way home. Instant adventure with a big bonus – I can do this while baby naps in her car seat.
4. Journal.
There are two major approaches to journaling: to hold on to thoughts, or to purge them. Whatever works. I go back and forth between both forms of journal writing; it depends what I’m going through.
5. Toe wiggling.
It is impossible to maintain a bad mood while simultaneously wiggling your toes for any amount of time. Try it. I dare you.
6. Take a bath.
Yup, just wash the stress away.
7. Connect with a friend.
Phone call, coffee date, 3 a.m. email, facebook message, tweet, late night giggle-fest, whatever… just reach out every once in a while. (This one is especially important for introverts like me. I wonder if extroverts really need this kind of reminder.)
8. Lend a hand.
It frequently surprises me just how energizing and uplifting it feels to help someone else.
9. Exercise.
Stop groaning, and just do it.
10. Giggle.
Proximity to kids is good for this, or watch a comedy or comedian. Subscribe to the Bloggess, go back and look at pictures of yourself in the 80s. (ok, maybe that last one is a little frightening, but you get the picture)
11. Dance.
This is much more fun than number 9, and if you do it right, it counts as exercise. We regularly have impromptu living room dance parties around here, and it always makes the day feel a little less gray.
And, if all else fails:
12. Ice cream.
EDIT: I was just asked about coffee. Of course, coffee is a pick-me-up for me, but as it is an addiction, there’s no need for me to list it. 🙂
I have been invited to participate in Courage Night, an author event sponsored by the Young Survival Coalition where 5 young survivors of breast cancer will read from their books, followed by a book signing. Well, in my case, I will read from my blog. I’m beside myself with excitement about this event, and a little nervous. I hope all my friends in the Seattle area will come to support me.
I’m so honored to be included in this group of amazing writers.
I was also a little perplexed about how to gracefully manage the whole signing of books part at the end. It’s not like you can sign a blog. And the other authors are donating their proceeds to YSC… Finally, last night I got that little light bulb over my head. Why don’t I have some of my photos printed, and sell those? Then I’ll have proceeds to donate, and something to sign.
So which photos?
I picked a few, and I’m going to narrow it down again to a selection of four. Which ones do you like?
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Courage Night
And here’s the flyer for Courage Night. If you’re in the Seattle area, stop by and say hi. I’d love to see you!
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