CoffeeJitters

Friends

Judy Schwartz Haley — Wed, 22 May 2013 01:46:50 +0000

Have you ever watched little kids make friends? It blows me away with it’s simplicity and straightforwardness. They just run up and start playing together. No introductions necessary. No concern over who lives in what kind of house, or wears designer labels, or whose mom drives what kind of car. Shame and embarrassment and comparison? All that comes later. Much too soon, sadly.

In the meantime, I’m learning from this kind of authenticity.

This is my daughter and her cousin, caught up in “I’m so happy to be here with you, I just wanna hold your hand.”

So precious.

Check out CoffeeJitters’ WW Linky List for more blogs with link ups.

Parenting Rite of Passage

Judy Schwartz Haley — Tue, 14 May 2013 19:47:57 +0000

I spent my daughter’s nap time pondering what I was going to do about my weekly photo post, when her chattering and giggles caught my attention. There’s nothing I love so much as the sound of her giggle’s. In fact, I grabbed my gratitude journal to make a note of how well she entertains herself during her quiet play time, and how much I love her giggles when this little face popped out of her room and into my view:

Oh, my, yes, she was proud of herself.

I’ve rubbed her down with olive oil a couple times, and scrubbed her face several times. But there’s still a hint of blue. Her hair and eyebrows are the worst; the color does not want to let go of her hair. Oh, yes, my little punk got it through her curls, too.

Since yesterday, so many of my friends have shared stories from when their kids did this as well. Did this ever happen to you?

WW linkup can be found on page 2.

What are you looking for?

Judy Schwartz Haley — Thu, 09 May 2013 05:24:15 +0000

I’ve written about my gratitude practice a few times lately, and one of the things it has most reinforced for me is that you find what you’re looking for. This video has been making it’s rounds of the internet lately, and for good reason. It’s lovely, and it’s inspiring. it’s worth the three minutes to watch.

Finding Love from hailey bartholomew on Vimeo.

What are you looking for?

We tiptoed through the tulips

Judy Schwartz Haley — Tue, 07 May 2013 20:45:16 +0000

One of the most enduring and notable rites of spring around the Seattle area is the annual Skagit Valley Tulip Festival. The entire month of April is dedicated to all things tulip, and the valley is colorblocked in fields of red, yellow, pink and purple blooms.

As usual, we were a little late to the party this year, partly because of poor planning, and partly because I abhor crowds. We showed up the first week of May.

Most of the tulip fields were already plowed under to prepare for the next crop, but we still found plenty of beauty to go around.

What are your favorite signs of spring. Do you have any spring related annual traditions?

WW linky is on page 2.

Each day brings a miracle

Judy Schwartz Haley — Tue, 30 Apr 2013 18:31:40 +0000

“You can become blind by seeing each day as a similar one. Each day is a different one, each day brings a miracle of its own. It’s just matter of paying attention to this miracle.”

~ Paulo Coelho

Living with a preschooler makes it easier to find miracles on a daily basis – she has not yet forgotten that everything is amazing.

Here, in the shade, tenacious droplets of light, some no larger than a quarter, fell on these flowers like little spotlights from heaven. I wouldn’t have noticed these flowers without my daughter’s influence.

She really wasn’t interested in the flowers at all, but she believed that this dark area under the tree would be the best place to find fallen leaves and twigs to make a nest for the birds.

It’s warmer these days, but still quite cool in the shade. Too cool for me. I would’ve found a warmer spot, but I was following my daughter around. Once she started digging for bugs, I knew we were going to be there for a while. I needed to find a way to entertain myself.

It wasn’t until I decided to find a way to enjoy the shade that I noticed the flowers.

WW linky is on page 2.

Sea lions sunning in Seattle

Judy Schwartz Haley — Tue, 23 Apr 2013 07:11:49 +0000

I love Seattle

What did you shoot this week?

WW linky is on page 2.

A new day

Judy Schwartz Haley — Tue, 16 Apr 2013 21:51:23 +0000

There have been several occasions in my life where chaos and violence shifted my perception of time, even if I was physically far from the event. Time slows down, speeds up, sometimes feels like its hiccuping or repeating itself as we hit refresh over and over and over again on the browser, or the same scenes are replayed by each of the major networks. But these aberrations in my sense of time, and in my sense of safety, never stopped the sun from going down at the end of the day – and never stopped the sun from rising the next morning.

A new day, with a new set of challenges, including the challenge of wrapping my head around yet another wave of violence. But that fresh start is also an opportunity for a fresh perspective, for evolving the way I look at the situation, and the world.

This morning, it was the sunrise that woke me up. Our bed is on the west side of our home, but for a brief minute the rising sun lasered it’s way through the balcony, through our living room, down the hall, and across my bed on the far side of our bedroom. The precision required to get the light across that space is remarkable, with maybe an inch of leeway. I know the light did not have a will of it’s own, but it sure felt like it was trying to get my attention.

The sun always rises.

But it’s not really rising, is it? The sun stays in the same place, and we revolve around it. It’s our changing perspective, in the physical sense, that brings the sun back into our little corner of the world each morning.

In the moments when the world seems dark and evil, it’s a change in my perspective that shifts my attention to the light.

As a child, I was taught that all people are evil at their core, but I no longer believe that is true. I believe most people don’t want to hurt anyone. In fact, I believe most people would go out of their way to avoid causing physical harm to another person. I believe most people want to be helpful. I believe most people want to do good. I believe that right this minute, people from all over the world are praying for Boston, and for the victims and their family members. I believe that when I small handful of people do something evil, a much larger group of ordinary people rise up and perform heroic tasks without even realizing it. They do it because they are there, and it’s the right thing to do. There’s no time to think about whether or not their good actions will be recognized.

Yes, there are evil people in this world, and one way or another, they’ll get what’s coming to them. I want them stopped, to prevent another tragedy, but I refuse to invest any of my own limited life in thoughts of revenge. Karma will get them, even if no one else does. Nature always seeks a balance.

In the meantime, I choose to focus on the people healing, and the people doing good. These stories keep reminding me that despite the presence of evil, there is so much hope for the human race.

10 Touching Acts of Kindness at the Boston Marathon

People offering space in their homes to strangers stranded in Boston

Patton Oswalt put it beautifully, and again I marvel at how our comedians can cut right to the heart of the matter – Modern day court jesters who speak the truth others are too fearful to say.

and if you want to help, this article includes links, as well as tips on keeping yourself safe while helping others.

I know many of you came here for WW, and a little more levity than this post offered. Not to worry. Link up your best shots; we could all use some smiles.

WW linky is on page 2.

for Michele

Judy Schwartz Haley — Sat, 13 Apr 2013 23:14:24 +0000

She would have appreciated the fact that she died at 4:20 on April Fools Day. That was our Meesh: If you can’t change the inevitable, then you might as well find a way to have fun with it.

We can also thank her for the fact that for a couple hours at her memorial service, that church housed more boob jobs than a porn convention. That would be us, her sisters in this breast cancer sorority none of us wanted to join; a sorority from which we all gain so much strength and comfort, and even joy.

Most of the time, we don’t pay attention to the way people look at us when we are out together: the surprise when they find out we all have breast cancer, followed by the sad eyes when they realize we are all going to die. We look so normal. We’re smiling, and laughing. How can we be laughing?

The truth is that we are all going to die. So are you. Some of us just happen to be on an accelerated schedule. That’s where Michele’s wisdom helped me the most. Michele had a way of telling her story so that it didn’t terrify the newly diagnosed girls. She would spin the story each time, so it came out with a message, a little moral or lesson to tie up the anecdote like the “you see, Timmy” at the end of each episode of Lassie. She didn’t preach, she just showed us how to call bullshit on bullshit, how to advocate for yourself, how to pick up and move on, and how to focus on what you can change, and how to spend your time and energy on what really matters.

During the service, the Pastor shared Michele’s words. I didn’t write them down as he was speaking, so I must paraphrase, but they really stuck with me:

“Don’t wast your time on people who suck your soul out of you. Life is too short. Invest your life in what matters, because in the end, what doesn’t matter… doesn’t matter.”

I’m still angry that she’s gone. I’m still angry that her young daughters will grow up without her. But Michele would not want us to allow our anger or sadness to diminish the richness of our lives. Michele put so much love and energy and strength and wisdom out into the world; her influence lives on through all of us. Robert Holden said “the real work of our life is to love and be loved,” and the best way we can honor Michele’s memory is to do just that.

Thank you, Meesh, I’m a stronger woman for knowing you.

Viewmaster

Judy Schwartz Haley — Tue, 09 Apr 2013 21:00:00 +0000

As it turns out, our newly-minted four-year-old loves going antiquing

especially when we find old-school toys like this Viewmaster.

WW linkup is on page 2

Living is practicing the art of change management

Judy Schwartz Haley — Fri, 05 Apr 2013 18:59:32 +0000

I’ve had a little practice with change management – those changes that are planned months and years in advance, those changes that come out of nowhere and leave you off balance with your head spinning, and those little gradual changes that sneak up on you, and one day you realize your baby is half your height, and has opinions that are very much all her own.

The best parts of my life came about through change, as did the worst. I’ve been thinking about my attraction/repulsion response to change – sometimes both sensations at the same time in regards to the same issue.

In last year’s Ultimate Blog Party post, I cataloged some of the ways my blog has adapted to changes in my life:

CoffeeJitters has been a single girl making her way in the world blog, a wedding blog, an infertility blog, a photography blog, a quitting my job and going back to school full time blog, a wow! I’m pregnant! blog, a mommy blog, a cancer blog, and a relearning how to dream after cancer blog.

I’m still trying to relearn how to dream after cancer. It’s surprising how much imagination and willpower it takes to re-imagine your future after this kind of diagnosis. But, now I’ve moved on a little, from dreaming to planning, and even doing. Baby steps, people.

This blog is my story, my life, and mostly, a very public love letter to my husband and daughter. If you’d like to read more, here are a few of my favorites to get you started:

Just breathe

Blogging – and women’s history

The Camera Bag – and an epiphany

Pregnancy 101: How to Roll Over

cheers!