It doesn’t hurt that she looks so cute in my hat

This is my view most of the time: the back of her head, with or [...]]]> It wouldn’t be so bad if I wasn’t bald. On the other hand, at least I don’t have to worry about hat hair.

It doesn’t hurt that she looks so cute in my hat

This is my view most of the time: the back of her head, with or without my hat.

and, she’s off… excuse me, I’ve got a toddler to chase

As the sun sets [...]]]> I spent a little time in the hammock this summer, even more time on the couch. I have always loved the languid, laid back, mellow qualities of summer. But as much as I love this season, I’m usually ready for it to end about this time of year.

As the sun sets on summer, I’m looking forward to fall. The season of back to school has always connected with ideas of fresh starts, forward motion, and momentum for me. This is the time of year when we buckle down and focus. We re-establish routines, and get serious about getting things done.

My last does of Taxol was truncated after just a few minutes, so it’s been a month since I received a full dose of chemo. The unscheduled break is over, it’s time to restart this seek and destroy mission against those cancer cells. Tomorrow I go back in and we will start a new type of chemotherapy. I’m ready to get back into the swing of things and make some progress in this battle.

I should have known better than to ask the question, but I was insecure in our young relationship, and I craved the constant reassurance. Of course he put my fears to rest, [...]]]> “Will you still love me if I get breast cancer and they cut off my boobs and my hair falls out?”

I should have known better than to ask the question, but I was insecure in our young relationship, and I craved the constant reassurance. Of course he put my fears to rest, along with all the other worst case scenarios I could think up.

Neither one of us imagined how quickly he would be called on to honor that promise.

And he did – he does every day.

With each step in the process – the diagnosis, the mastectomy, my hair falling out, the day he shaved my head – I braced myself for a hesitation, a pause, an ever-so-slight withdrawal. But it never happened. In fact, it was just the opposite. I think we are closer now, more in love, than we were before.

Six years ago today we stood under a tree and vowed to love each other for richer or for poorer, through sickness and in health. Damn if we didn’t nail poorer and sickness. But I wouldn’t dream of spending this time with anyone else.

You might think that with the cancer diagnosis and six months of treatment so far, this year was the worst of my life. It wasn’t. Not by far. That dubious distinction is reserved for my years at Valley Christian School. This past year, cancer included, counts among the best years of my life. And that is because of my husband – and my baby girl.

Happy Anniversary, Sweety. I love you so much.

Now let’s go get some happy meals.

For all you moms and future moms out there, this clip is amazing. Worth taking the 4 minutes to watch.

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If you could go back to right before the birth of your first child, what would you tell [...]]]> Reflections of Motherhood

For all you moms and future moms out there, this clip is amazing. Worth taking the 4 minutes to watch.

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If you could go back to right before the birth of your first child, what would you tell yourself?

When chemo took my hair, my newly denuded scalp revealed more than just skin. It showed off [...]]]> They say people learn a lot about themselves when they have to cope with a life threatening disease like cancer. Some discover vast reserves of strength, courage, and resilience. I discovered my brain was probed by aliens.

When chemo took my hair, my newly denuded scalp revealed more than just skin. It showed off a set of scars for which I could recall no viable cause. I racked my brain for minutes on end, and then I called my mom and asked her if I’d had any injuries or surgeries that would cause a scar like that. She couldn’t think of anything either.

It must have been an alien brain probe. There is really no other explanation.

A few days later Mom remembered that I totaled my car in high school and ended up in the hospital for a week. I even lost a few days memory in that wreck. But neither of us remember any extensive stitches or bandages that ventured beyond the hairline, and I’m quite fond of the alien brain probe theory.

Perhaps the aliens caused the wreck to cover abducting me, probed my brain, stole my memory, and then returned me in time for the ambulance to take me to the hospital. That would also absolve me of responsibility for that car accident, and explain my weird sense of humor.

Do you have any mystery scars?

One year ago: Best view in the house Three years ago: Beaver Dam

I promised an update [...]]]> Battling cancer is frustrating. It’s complicated. Cancer isn’t just one disease that acts a specific way, it’s many different creatures that have been categorized under a single umbrella. Different cancers, even different breast cancers, react differently to treatments. And each body reacts to the cancer and the available treatments differently.

I promised an update in an earlier post. Since then, I’ve hit a few bumps in the road. I’ve been stalling on writing this post because I don’t want this blog to turn into a venue for me to whine, but I’m also trying to provide a realistic look at what life with cancer is like – At least life with cancer for this one person.

I got my first dose of Taxol on August 9. The infusion went well and I came home feeling good. The trouble started after the Neulasta shot the next day. That was followed by extreme bone pain, especially in my legs. Pain so bad I ended up waddling like I did the last month of my pregnancy. My toes hurt, I had to wear flip-flops so nothing touched them. Then came the muscle aches. And on a Thursday evening, ten days after the Taxol infusion, I got hives. There were other side effects as well, but you get the picture.

Monday I went back in for the next round of Taxol and made a plan with my doctor for steps to mitigate the intensity of the side effects. I was ready to roll for round two. I wasn’t going to let anything get in the way of my battle with this disease.

Or so I thought.

Within the first five minutes of the Taxol infusion I felt a deep burning pain in my lower back. If you experienced back labor during childbirth, you know the intensity of this pain. The pain then worked it’s way up my spine and when it got to my neck, my throat started to swell up. Of course the nurses came running and my doctor was paged and showed up within a few minutes. The infusion was stopped and I was given Benedryl and Hydrocortisol and monitored to make sure the reaction stopped.

Then we started the Taxol again at a much slower pace. This is standard operating procedure. The idea is that I would be less likely to react to the Taxol if it goes in slower, especially after the Benedryl and Hydrocortisol. And for many patients receiving this chemotherapy, that is the case. A reaction is followed by a successful infusion and they proceed with the Taxol.

Yeah, that next dose didn’t work for me either. This time the reaction was quicker, but less severe. Just hives all over the place.

So Taxol is off the table. We are back to the drawing board. I have another appointment with my doctor to discuss other treatment plans that may work well for me.

We’re still fighting. I haven’t given up. I just have to find a new weapon to battle this beast.

Then I connected with the Young Survival Coalition and [...]]]> Shortly after I was diagnosed with breast cancer, my baby lost two pounds.  The breast had to go; I had to quickly wean a baby who was interested in eating nothing else. This weight loss was nearly as traumatic for me as the cancer diagnosis.

Then I connected with the Young Survival Coalition and met a group of women who understood exactly what I was going through.  These women knew from experience how difficult it can be to balance treatment with parenting.

The Young Survival Coalition is an organization that supports pre-menopausal women who have breast cancer.  Why a group that focuses just on the younger women with breast cancer?

• Breast cancer in younger women tends to be more aggressive with a lower survival rate, and studies increasingly suggest that breast cancer in younger women is biologically different from the breast cancer that older women get.
• Breast cancer is the leading cause of cancer death in women between the ages of 15 and 54.
• Because fewer young women get breast cancer, they are not adequately represented in breast cancer research.
• We have not yet developed an effective breast cancer screening tool for young women.
• Young women deal with different issues than post-menopausal women: effects of treatment on fertility, child rearing, pregnancy after diagnosis, diagnosis during pregnancy, menopause caused by treatment, body image, dating for single women, the list goes on…

I’ve been through a lot in this cancer ordeal.  I’m nearly halfway through the chemotherapy phase of my treatment, and that will be followed by radiation.  The doctors are working to save my body, my friends at the Young Survival Coalition have helped save my sanity.  I can’t say enough wonderful things about this group of women and the support they provide.

Right now we are gearing up for the annual fundraiser for the Seattle chapter of the Young Survival Coalition.

Drink Beyond the Pink:

Join us for an exciting evening with delicious dim sum appetizers, a fabulous DJ, dancing and a cash bar featuring our signature pink drink.  Garage parking included. Tickets will be available at the door for $25.

Silent auction items include spa services, sports packages, original artwork and jewelry,  theatre tickets, and a Pink Ducati Scooter.

Saturday, October 9, 2010
7 p.m.-12 a.m.

O’Asian Kitchen + Lounge

800 5th Avenue, Suite Plaza 1
Seattle, WA 98104

If you are in the Seattle area come join us!

$25 at the door, $20 in advance.

If you have anything you would like to donate for the silent auction, please contact our planning committee.

And if you happen to know of a young woman diagnosed with breast cancer, please encourage her contact the Young Survival Coalition.

This sandstone bridge over Whatcom Creek was built in 1939 as part of the Works Progress Administration.

swimming hole

2 Years Ago Duck [...]]]>

This sandstone bridge over Whatcom Creek was built in 1939 as part of the Works Progress Administration.

swimming hole

2 Years Ago
Duck Family