Journaling / Writing Prompt #change
Journaling / Writing Prompt
Describe a moment when your life changed
#writing #writingprompt #journaling #journalprompt #amwriting #writer #journal
The Haircut
Yes, my daughter had the most beautiful, long, golden locks.
Did I say had?
Oh, yeah, we cut them off.
She still has beautiful golden locks. Just not so long.
She was ready. And so tired of me insisting on brushing her hair.
I was ready. And ready to let her take over hair brushing duty.
And the hair? It was donated. She is so proud of the fact that even she can participate in helping people.
The stylist who cut her hair took before and after photos for us.
She’s a happy girl. So happy about her new haircut that she spent a while dancing around and showing it off.
With her super hero cape, of course.
She even wrote about her haircut for her writing assignment on Monday.
What is going on in your life?
Packing up
We are moving. We found a place we love in a neighborhood we love and two blocks from a school that seems like it will be perfect for Gem. We signed the lease a few days ago, and we move in a few weeks.
Now comes the hard part.
The new home we have chosen is small. Tiny. Less than 3/4 the size of our already small apartment. That means that rather than just packing up, every single item we own will have to be considered, judged, and a large portion of them will not be accompanying us in this move. Will the Christmas tree travel with us to our new home? If so, where will it live the other 11 months of the year? We have a total of 2.5 small closets with which to work.
This will be a learning curve.
I’ve been enjoying a number of posts on the tiny house movement; perhaps we could talk the landlord into allowing us to make some modifications to make better use of the space.
In the meantime, Gem is getting excited about the move.
Her jaguar is all packed up and ready to go.
She’s been helping with our packing, as well. If something is missing, there’s a good chance she already packed it for us.
we can see here where her priorities are.
WW Linky is on page 2
Finding Home
We were weary as we pulled into the parking lot of our building after a long day of apartment hunting. It’s tiring work, and a bit nerve-wracking, looking for a new place to call home, one that meets our needs, is close to a good school, and most importantly, one that we can afford. We sat there in the car, waiting for this song to finish, and we knew… We knew that wherever we end up, we’ll be okay as long as we’re together.
We didn’t realize it till later, but that night was the 10th anniversary of the day Aaron proposed. He proposed on Alki Beach on a very chilly night, and later we had to hunt down a pay phone (remember those?) so I could call my parents.
It’s a decade later, and some major twists and turns along the way, but we’re happier than ever. So much love.
Living in the gap
Our 4-year-old asked for a pencil and paper. We were at my husband’s office visiting, and she developed an urgent need for writing implements. We handed them over, and Aaron and I continued our conversation – till we noticed she was writing something.
She was copying down the Arabic alphabet from a graph in the book. Her initiative, her drive, her curiosity, her thirst for knowledge and understanding never cease to amaze me.
Of course I took a picture.
Then when I went to post the picture on Instagram/Facebook, I hesitated.
There have been so many posts rolling around complaining about moms who do nothing but brag on their kid on their Facebook page. I thought about it again, and hesitated again.
Then I posted this on Facebook:
I know I post a lot about how awesome my kid is – and I know it can get annoying. Too bad. Every kid needs someone who pays attention, who notices what’s unique and amazing about them, who champions them. I wish every kid had that. So if you want to post on facebook about how awesome some kid is, some amazing thing they said or did, some spark of genius, or creativity, or compassion you noticed in a young person – rock on. The world needs more of that too.
It wasn’t till that post started generating some positive response, that I finally worked up the nerve and posted the picture about my daughter above.
But why did I hesitate in the first place?
Why do I place so much stock in the opinion of whiners?
On a logical level, I don’t give a crap what everyone else thinks – but there’s that little girl, deep down inside me still desperate for acceptance and approval. I grew up with an overwhelming fear of being obnoxious and annoying; it was one of my greatest fears, and it kept me isolated.
I have this idea of who I am, and who I think I should be. I think I should be someone who is not driven by fear, especially fear of the opinions of others.
Then I take a look at my behavior and it doesn’t always match.
I think my choices as a parent should be based on what will best help my daughter to grow into a strong and compassionate woman of integrity, but what I do is different. I watch myself making parenting choices based on what I think will negatively or positively impact my popularity. It takes me right back to Freshman locker banks at my high school – an anxiety ridden place, indeed.
This entire scenario reminded me of Ira Glass talking about how a creative person’s sense of taste develops before their skill, so there is this gap between what they think they should be doing and what they’re actually able to do.
That story was life-changing for me.
It’s not just about creativity
While Glass was being specific about creativity, I think his point carries over to many other aspects of our lives.
We have this vision of the world, we have this vision of what it means to be a good parent, a good person… We see how our own attitudes and behaviors play into that vision. We know we want to “be the change.”
But there is this gap.
You don’t just wake up one morning and decide to be different, better, and that’s it, done. It takes practice. Years of practice.
But life happens in the meantime. We are all living in the meantime – in the gap.
We don’t get practice time, and then go out and live our lives after we’ve perfected ourselves. We go out and try things, see if they work, we fall down, we get up, we embarrass ourselves, we don’t die of embarrassment – but we don’t get to practice life without an audience. And that audience usually has an opinion. It doesn’t matter.
Life is not about perfection. It’s about doing the best we can, and when we miss the mark, learning from it, course correcting, and moving on.
We need to remember to be gentle with ourselves, to remember that we’re living in the gap. To just keep trying.
And when someone else offends us, well, maybe they’re living in the gap, too.
So here I am, waxing on about wishing I could be as brave as I think I should be, and my little girl just wanted to practice writing new letters. I’m so proud of her, and I want the whole world to know it.
P.S. She calls the Arabic alphabet “letter parties.”
