In 2001, I drove my little dodge dakota alone off the ferry from Alaska, through the town of Bellingham without a second thought as I made my way to my new life in Seattle.
In 2007, my husband and I overnighted in Bellingham before catching a 7 am cruise to Victoria, BC. This past weekend my husband and daughter and I thought we’d finally stop and see what Bellingham had to offer.
We didn’t spend much time downtown, but we were charmed by the boardwalk along Bellingham Bay.
Loved this heron.
My girl had the best time. So much to discover!
I loved all the sailboats, and the sunset was spectcular.
I recently heard a quote that really resonated with me:
Life is not waiting for the storm to pass, it’s learning to dance in the rain.
I love the way this is stated, and it’s one of those life lessons that I really want you to understand. Your life is never going to be perfect. There will always be something that is not quite right, sometimes worse than others. You can’t just tell yourself that “things will be better when…”, or I’ll get on with my life after….” Live Now – regardless of what’s going on in your life.
Besides, dancing in the rain can be a lot of fun.
Kissing in the rain is pretty awesome too – but, you’ll wait another 20 years to find that out. Right?
As I”m writing this letter I’m sitting in a big hospital recliner as the chemo drips into me. It’s not my favorite way to spend an afternoon, I’d rather not have to deal with this at all. But it’s not all that bad either. It’s nowhere near as bad as my imagination made it out to be back when I was diagnosed. It’s interesting how the imagination tends to run towards best case and worst case scenarios, and spends very little time in the middle ground where most of reality exists.
An imagination is a wonderful thing – and I hope you develop yours and put it to good use. It is also a power that can be abused; be sure to use this power for good and not evil. Let your imagination run free as you are generating new ideas, but when it comes time to applying these ideas to real world applications, then it’s time to do some research. And by research, I don’t mean disregard everything that doesn’t support your point of view. Seriously. If you come across evidence that disproves your theory, chase it down. Do not ignore it. It is so important to educate yourself on the whole issue; failing to do so will damage your credibility. And lets face it, there will be times in your life when your credibility is all you have to offer. Take good care of it.
/lecture
Sorry about that, sometimes I get on my soapbox and prattle on about things not one else really wants to discuss. But then that’s why I have a blog.
You had your first overnight stay away from us this month. Daddy and I went camping with friends and you stayed with Grandma for two nights. That must have been a lot of fun for you. I’m sure Grandma enjoyed it as well. Grandma is awesome and all, but still, three days and two nights away from you wasn’t easy. You, on the other hand, seemed to think it was pretty cool. Good for you.
I love that you are so adaptable. I keep hearing that kids need routine and they need things to be the same all the time, but that doesn’t seem to be the case with you, my little adventurous one. Adaptability is another one of those life skills that will take you places, and make your life a lot more interesting, fun, and easier too. The adaptability makes it easier for us to travel with you, which means more adventures for you, too.
We spent this past weekend in Bellingham, and we had a wonderful time. Your adaptability makes it so easy for us to travel with you. You love and adventure, and so do we.
You love to dance and you get to bouncing and swinging around whenever you hear music. Tonight you figured out that you could make yourself dizzy by spinning in circles. You spent the longest time spinning and giggling and falling down, then getting up and doing it over again.
You are learning so much every day and your vocabulary is just exploding. You can say all different parts of the body: Eye, nose, ear, toes, foot, belly. You know one and two. You are getting better about using the sign for thank you when we give you things. You love to give hugs and kisses, and you warn us that we are going to get a kiss by announcing it first. And you are so loving and sweet to your dolls and stuffed animals. You give them hugs and kisses, and rock them and sing and talk to them. You try to share your cookies and water with them too. You are becoming such a sweet little girl.
You bring so much joy to our lives. Being your mother makes me want to be a better person. You inspire me.
I’ve fallen so far behind in writing these letters to you that I need to combine two months into one. In fact, it’s almost time to write your 16 month letter. I guess I’d better make this a good one.
It would be really easy for me to blame this on the cancer, fatigue, etc., yadda, yadda, yadda, but the truth is that your mama is a procrastinator. Seriously. I even procrastinate on going to the bathroom if I’m watching a really good show, then I have to do that goofy potty walk/run to get the the bathroom and hope that I make it in time so I don’t have to change clothes before I get back to my show. I even procrastinate on doing things that I want to do, especially if it involves something complicated, like getting off the couch.
Ok, I’m not that lazy. But I have been avoiding things that involve thinking lately – and I suppose writing these letters qualifies under that heading.
You are changing so much every day; you ‘re just full of surprises. You have started arguing with me. When I tell you “No touch” you put down your foot and firm up your face and firmly announce “touch!” You have also discovered the word “no,” and you back it up with a shake of your head. You’ve even been using yes and no correctly in context to the TV. You were watching Ni Hao, Kai-Lan the other day and Kai-Lan asked if you had ever seen a dragon; you shook your head and said no. Then Kai-Lan asked if you would like to see a dragon, and you nodded your head and said yes. That just blew me away.
We’ve had a busy couple of months. Earlier this week we spent the day on the Adventuress, a 133 foot long, 3 masted schooner that just happens to have the 2nd largest main sail on the Pacific Coast. This is a mighty ship. You did quite well on that trip, despite the fact that we wouldn’t let you run around on deck. Little Miss Independent, you like to run free; you are such an adventurer. You don’t want to hold our hand when we walk, you want to explore everything untethered. You are frequently disappointed in that endeavor. But, as you learn to listen to us, and obey us, you’ll get more freedom – even if the thought of letting go of your little hand still terrifies me.
You enjoyed our trip to the zoo so much that we ended up buying a membership. I’m hoping to make good use of that membership, Mommy needs to log some long hours walking anyways. Daddy and I had more fun watching you than the animals.
At times you looked more like you were cheering on your favorite sports team – or even your favorite rock band.
And you certainly didn’t mind pushing Daddy’s head around to get a better look. He’s getting used to you grabbing his ears and eyeballs, and he really loves carrying you around on his shoulders. It’s a good thing, because it’s your favorite place to be.
Your other favorite place to be is at the book store. You love books, and the kids section of the book store has BOOKS! and also TOYS! which means you can spend hours running back and forth from the BOOKS! to the TOYS! until you completely wear yourself out and crumple up into a big pile of fussy and we take you home for a nap. Actually, that happens several days a week.
You love your books at home too. In fact we have a couple fabric books that week keep in your crib because we discovered that when you wake up in the morning, you will entertain yourself for an hour or so by “reading” your books to Molly and Peanut. One of my favorite experiences each day is snuggling a little deeper into my pillow in the morning while listening to your sweet voice babble away to your stuffed animals. It’s a lovely way to start the day.
You bring so much happiness to our home. I’m so blessed that I get to be your Mommy.
so many things to do this summer
1. Kick Cancer’s Ass!
2. Get lots of sleep
3. Eat my veggies every day
4. Become habitual about exercise
5. Get really, really good at yoga – like sexy, awesome good
6. Catch up on all those thank you cards I need to send out
7. Rearrange the furniture in the nursery
8. Write more
9. Find ways to fit a little Joy into even the crappy days
10. Play
11. Dance
12. Sing (sorry if you happen to be within earshot)
13. Giggle
14. Snuggle with my baby
15. Get caught up on all the movie watching I’ve missed the past few years
16. Read a book for fun
17. Work the kinks out of my blog
18. Write fiction
19. Get a massage, maybe several
20. Pay the late fee at the library so I can check out more books
21. Blog more
22. Increase my blog readership
23. Learn to focus on what I can control and let go of what I can’t
24. Play
25. Spend as much time with my little girl as I can
26. Tickle my daughter more
27. Snuggle with my husband
28. Go on as many adventures as we can
29. Laugh
30. Do the best I can to make sure my breast cancer doesn’t interrupt my baby’s childhood.
Today is Mother’s Day (or at least it was when I started writing this letter), the perfect day for me to tell you how much I love being your Mother.
I got the best Mother’s Day gift ever on Friday; after a month of not being able to lift or carry you because of the surgery, the doctor finally gave me permission to start using my arm, which means I can take care of you all by myself again. It is so nice to finally be able to hold you, and take care of you by myself!
But we did find ways to snuggle this past month. I spent a lot of time sitting on the floor so you could come up and hug me whenever you wanted. It amazes me how you seemed to instinctively understand that you needed to be gentle with me. You are so perceptive, and very, very sweet. You even say “awwwww…” and pat my shoulder as you hug me. It’s the cutest thing.
Several friends came and helped around the house. and helped me keep an eye on you each day while Daddy was at school. I’m so thankful for their help. You enjoyed the company (audience), and it eased my mind to know that they were available to lift you to the high chair, or changing table, or into your crib – and to get you out of trouble as well – you have entered a climbing phase. At least I hope it’s a phase, but I suspect you are just going to become progressively more adventurous. And truthfully, that’s one of the things I love most about you – your sense of adventure – even when you give me a little heart attack while you’re perched on the edge of a piece of furniture.
One of your favorite words is “THIS.” You walk around the house, or even stores when we go out, and hold up random objects proclaiming, proudly and emphatically, “THIS!” After a few weeks of “this,” I nearly fell out of my chair laughing, but proud, when you pointed at something and said “THAT!”
Most of the time when I look at you I see a beautiful little girl, but every once in a while, I see the baby you used to be. The way you hold your feet in the air while you’re laying on your back, or the way you cuddle with me both can take me back to several months ago. I miss that baby, but I am so proud of the little girl that you are becoming. You are so smart, you have an amazing attention span, you are perceptive, and gentle, and sweet, and loving, and friendly. These are all qualities that will serve you well as you get older. I can’t wait to watch you as you develop from a little girl into a young woman. But for today, it’s those snuggles that I enjoy the most.
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