You still sleep in that half crawl position with your butt up in the air, and your face plastered against the mattress. I love watching you sleep, but I seldom get to do it anymore.
I try to sneak into your room to peek on you, but I’m such a klutz these days, and you’re such a light sleeper that you’re on your feet before I get to the middle of the room. Then the following scene plays out:
YOU: Mama?
ME: Yes, Baby.
YOU: Hug?
Whereupon I melt into a puddle on the floor.
That scene plays out several times a day: in the living room, in your room, while we’re out for a walk, when you don’t want to go to bed… Yeah, I’m a sucker ~ But your cuteness hasn’t gotten you out of taking a nap. Yet. I am, however, loving all these hugs and kisses.
To be honest, most of the time you are really good about going to bed. I can’t believe how lucky I am. Daddy and I are both night owls, so we don’t like to get up too early in the morning. That’s means you don’t go to bed till 11 at night so you will sleep in till 10 the next morning. Yay for me getting to sleep in. It was also handy for those chemo days when I wasn’t strong enough to take care of you all by myself. My friends that helped take care of you would show up around 10 or 11 and stay until you took your afternoon nap at 3. Then Daddy would come home by the time you woke up from your nap. It worked out quite well, but the chemo is no longer an issue – I’m all done with chemo! Double Yay!
But when we do put you to bed, whether for a nap or for the night, you sweetly smile up at us from your crib as we cover you up with a blanket and tuck one of your babies under your arm. Well, most of the time. There are those nights when you have very strong feelings about bed time, but they are few and far between.
Regardless of how you fall asleep, the way you wake up is a beautiful thing. We’ve taken to leaving books in your crib each night, because you wake up and read them in the morning.
You love to go outside and play, and you would much rather walk yourself than ride in the stroller. But we do try to get in a good long walk everyday.
Snow was a revelation to you. It all melted away, but still you ask to go outside (sigh sigh – also your word for butterfly) and you ask for the snow. We look out the window at the bare ground and you tell me “gone.” I hope we get a few more good snow days this winter – preferably on days I don’t have to drive here in Seattle.
If I just listed off all the things for which I’m thankful this year, the list would go on for several pages, and I wouldn’t be able to complete it in one day. As I do have plans to spend some time with my family, I’ll try to keep this short and just point out a few of the biggies:
My amazing husband who takes such good care of me, especially on the chemo days when I’m feeling so crappy
My creative, beautiful, and intelligent daughter who brightens every day and showers me with kisses and hugs
The wonderful people who came over and helped out when I had my surgery and during chemo – Mom, Dee, Sharon and Perry, Kristen, Mary Jane, Diane, Carrie, Candace, and Sommer, to name a few
Completing chemo – yes, that’s right, I’m done with chemo!
My cancer was found before it metastasized
The amazing doctors and nurses at the University of Washington Medical Center and Seattle Cancer Care Alliance. Over the years I’ve received medical care in a lot of different systems, and this is by far the best care I have received in my life.
Medicaid. I qualified for medicaid which is making it possible for me to receive this wonderful medical care. Medicaid is saving my life right now, and 18 months ago it saved my daughter’s life. I don’t know how we will pay rent next week, or the power bill, but we have food in the freezer, and I can fight my cancer. I’m not proud of the fact that we need this assistance, and I know its a source of embarrassment to my family members who fight so hard to eradicate publicly funded medical care, but I am extremely thankful that this assistance exists and makes it possible for me to battle cancer. Thanks to the health insurance reform bill, my cancer will not prevent me from getting health insurance once we get jobs, so one day I will be able to get off Medicaid, hopefully someday soon.
Here’s wishing you all a safe, healthy, and happy Thanksgiving.
Your vocabulary is just exploding. It’s not just one or two new words a day, it’s several. Big words, like squirrel and butterfly, which is nearly unintelligible, but I know what you’re saying. You’re picking up on concepts, too. The other day when we saw the peacock at the zoo, you pointed at it and said “blue.” You just told me “thank you” when I gave you some apple slices. Make a note, I know you know how to say thank you. It’s de regueur for you now.
This month has been busy. Last weekend we had a memorial service for my grandmother, your Great-Grandma McKinley. We called her Grandma Candy because your cousins, Max and Ilona, couldn’t pronounce Grandma McKinley when they were little. The name stuck.
The picture above shows Grandma Candy holding you a few days after you were born. She hand knit the green blanket on her lap just for you. She was going blind and her hands were extremely arthritic. That means completing this blanket was a big challenge, but she didn’t let her fading eyesight or the pain in her hands stop her from making a blanket for you. Because she couldn’t see well, sometimes a mistake would slip through, and then great swathes of the blanket would have to be ripped out and re-knit to get it right, or “just so.” Grandma Candy would say “just so” when describing something that had been carefully and thoughtfully arranged. Someday when you are looking at that blanket, you will notice that a few holes and dropped stitches remain. I hope that someday you will understand how precious that blanket is, and that those dropped stitches are precious too. She loved you very much.
Along with the memorial service, we had a big family reunion. This was the first time for you to meet most of our extended family: your aunts and uncles and your cousins and second cousins and even third cousins. There are more degrees of separation in there, but I’m completely baffled by calculating whether someone is a second cousin once removed. I finally just settled on calling everyone cousin and left it at that.
You got along well with your cousins and you were charming with everyone. So many people stopped to comment on how sweet you were. Daddy and I were so proud of you.
Right after the family reunion, it was time for trick or treating. You were a zebra this year, fitting after all the time we spent at the zoo. You were a little scared of the costume at first, but once we got it on you, you roared. That’s your thing lately, you like to roar. So I should rephrase. You were a ferocious zebra this year.
I am baby, hear me roar
You still love to color and draw. It is your favorite way to pass the time. You lie down on the floor with your feet kicked up, and color for hours on end. I bring crayons and paper with us everywhere we go.
You sit on your green chair with the white polka dots, with your little bare feet sticking out and your toes wiggling while you fill up your journal with pictures like this:
I love seeing you so happy. There’s something about wiggling toes that goes hand in hand with happiness, too. You can’t stay in a bad mood and wiggle your toes at the same time. Try it. I dare you.
I’ve been having the most deliciously random fantasies lately.
My favorite involves a big button or switch on the wall in my house. I’m in control, and I can flip that switch any time I want. The lights go down, a big disco ball descends from the ceiling, and loud, throbbing dance music fills the room. Everyone has to stop whatever it is that they’re doing and dance for the duration of the song.
When the song is over, the music stops, the disco ball disappears, and the lights go back up. Everyone goes back to normal as if nothing happened: back to the arguments, or feeding, or navel gazing, or research, or contemplation of washing dishes.
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