In two weeks you will be one year old. Today you are walking and have a handful of words in your vocabulary.
A year ago I was on bedrest, and still worried you might be born too early. You have always been in a bit of a hurry, even before you were born. I went into labor the first time with you nearly 7 weeks early. It took a week in the hospital and the intervention of a crew of doctors and nurses. They gave us steroids to strengthen your lungs and another drug to slow the contractions, and it worked. You still showed up 18 days early, but by then the interventions had strengthened your lungs and you had gained enough weight to thrive on your own. You made your arrival perfectly healthy, and strong, and beautiful.
Your physical development has been fun to watch and can be tracked through the many photos we’ve taken this past year, but it’s the development of your character that is most amazing to me. You are so curious. You want to learn and explore everything. You don’t just quickly glance at a new item, you study it, turning it over and over in your hand upside-down, sideways, inside-out.
Last night you spent hours with Daddy’s keys. Sure you spent a little time shaking them and enjoying the jangle, but most of that time was spent examining each individual key; turning it over and over, feeling the smooth edge and the rough edge, tasting it (yuck). There was a spiral notebook near you and each key as it was examined was tried in each of the slots along the binding of the spiral note book. Every single key. Not only are you curious and studious, you are almost scientific in your methodology.
Every day I marvel at how lucky I am that I get to be your Mommy; that I get to spend every day watching you grow and learn, and that I’m on the receiving end of all those smiles and hugs and kisses.
We got some really scary news last week. Mommy has breast cancer. But I’m going to fight this. You’re going to watch me kick cancer’s butt. And at the same time, I’m going to make sure that you get all the attention and hugs and kisses and learning opportunities that you need to grow up strong and confident and healthy. We’ll get through this baby girl; you and me and Daddy.
Your smiles and giggles are the best medicine for me.
I’ve been thinking about my dad a lot lately. December 30th would have been my parents’ 40th wedding anniversary – if he had lived that long. I remember how much my neices and nephews enjoyed their grandpa – and he them – story time, living room forts, tickle monsters… I know there is little sense in dwelling on what is not possible, but sometimes I imagine what would have been – my daughter with her grandfather.
A friend of mine was going through her photos recently and found a couple I had not seen before. These pictures were taken four years ago at a dear friends wedding, and they landed in my inbox right when I needed to see them (Thanks Sharon).
The first photo: my two favorite men, my husband and my father. This may be the only picture we have of just the two of them.
The second photo: my husband and I with my parents.
So what little blessings have taken your breath away recently?
I’m still mulling recipe ideas for the O Foods Contest, but in the meantime, I’ll go ahead and post this notice to spread the word.
CONTEST RULES
O Foods Contest for Ovarian Cancer Awareness Month
September is Ovarian Cancer Awareness Month, and for the second year in a row, Sara of Ms Adventures in Italy and Michelle of Bleeding Espresso are hosting the O Foods Contest to raise awareness of this important health issue.
There are TWO WAYS to take part in the O Foods Contest:
ONE: Post a recipe to your blog using a food that starts or ends with the letter O(e.g., oatmeal, orange, okra, octopus, olive, onion, potato, tomato); include this entire text box in the post; and send your post url along with a photo (100 x 100) to ofoods[at]gmail[dot]com by 11:59 pm (Italy time) on Monday, September 28, 2009.
PRIZES for recipe posts:
1st: Signed copy of Dolce Italiano: Desserts from the Babbo Kitchen by Gina DePalma, Executive Pastry Chef of Babbo Ristorante in NYC, who is currently battling ovarian cancer, inspired this event, and will be choosing her favorite recipe for this prize;
TWO: If you’re not into the recipe thing, simply post this entire text box in a post on your blog to help spread the word and send your post url to ofoods[at]gmail[dot]com by 11:59 pm (Italy time) on Monday, September 28, 2009.
Awareness posts PRIZE:
One winner chosen at random will receive a Teal Toes tote bag filled with ovarian cancer awareness goodies that you can spread around amongst your friends and family.
Ovarian cancer is the leading cause of death from gynecologic cancers in the United States and is the fifth leading cause of cancer death among U.S. women; a woman’s lifetime risk of ovarian cancer is 1 in 67.
The symptoms of ovarian cancer are often vague and subtle, making it difficult to diagnose, but include bloating, pelvic and/or abdominal pain, difficulty eating or feeling full quickly; and urinary symptoms (urgency or frequency).
There is no effective screening test for ovarian cancer but there are tests which can detect ovarian cancer when patients are at high risk or have early symptoms.
In spite of this, patients are usually diagnosed in advanced stages and only 45% survive longer than five years. Only 19% of cases are caught before the cancer has spread beyond the ovary to the pelvic region.
When ovarian cancer is detected and treated early on, the five-year survival rate is greater than 92%.
And remember, you can also always donate to the Ovarian Cancer Research Fund at our page through FirstGiving!
Please help spread the word about ovarian cancer.
Together we can make enough noise to kill this silent killer.
Saturday morning Punk Rock Mommy died from inflammatory breast cancer.
Her husband uploaded her last post and I read it
and cried.
I never met Punk Rock Mommy, I had never read her blog before this morning. But I am struck by the human spirit and how impending death can clarify perspective. Punk Rock Mommy couldn’t be more different from my father, yet they both died from cancer in the past year, and they both, in that last year of their lives, gained a super-human measure of perspective and wisdom. Things that separated my dad from Punk Rock Mommy and Randy Pausch (who wrote The Last Lecture), things like religion, ethnicity, gender, and politics are superficial labels, but underneath – we’re all more alike than different. The messages that they left us with (or are leaving us with, Randy Pausch is still fighting pancreatic cancer) are essentially the same: love one another, choose to be happy, don’t ruin the rest of your life mourning, don’t live your life in “someday,” live right now, don’t waste your time on anger it’ll just ruin your day. This quote from Punk Rock Mommy really leaped out at me: “I am no doormat, but I just let go of all that hard core resentment.”
How can we learn from this? What would you do differently if you had a week, or a month, or a year left to live? What would you write in your last post? What message would you leave for your family, friends, and the world’s prying eyes?
Two weeks ago my dad went in to surgery to remove his spleen because of a blood clot. when they got in there they saw that he had pancreatic cancer that had spread throughout his abdomen. they just closed him back up without even taking the spleen. they told us he has 3 months to live.
Since then they’ve told us he could have as much as two years. Two years never sounded so good.
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