It was one year ago today that my father passed away. I’m still learning how to wrap my brain around this fact. I keep wanting to call or email him. His email address is still sitting there in my address book while his instant messenger icon keeps telling me he’s not available.
So much has happened in the past year: I finally quit my job, I’m back in college, I’m pregnant. Dad would have been thrilled about all of these things.
At his funeral, a family friend stood up and told us about a time she went to visit him in the hospital. Before she left, she asked him if there was anything specific he would like her to pray for on his behalf. He paused to think for a while, and then, at a time when any one else would pray for the pain to stop, or a cure for cancer, or wisdom for the doctors or something else along those lines, my dad said this:
“Pray that my conversations will be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, and that I will have the strength and wisdom to answer any question that is asked of me.”
Yes, my father was something of a poet, but this was actually a paraphrase of a bible verse.
One Year Later
This quote of my father has stuck with me over the past year. First of all, my conversations could most certainly use more grace. I’ve been told over and over and over again that I can only control my own reaction in a conversation. The truth is that there are ways to counter hate and bigotry gracefully. I just have to learn how to do it and then I need to teach my child.
The second part of that statement has stuck to me as well. My father was a quiet man and was not in the habit of drawing attention to himself or making himself the topic of conversation. I, on the other hand, was irritated that I didn’t know very much about him and that he didn’t just, unprompted, broadcast all his stories to us. How simple it would have been to ask him some questions rather that sitting there waiting for him to open up.
I’m not bringing this up for the purpose of beating myself up, I have something else in mind. Do you have anyone in your life who is quiet by nature? Someone who is humble and not at all likely to make the conversation all about them? When you talk to them, is the conversation usually about you? Or do you ask them questions too?
I wonder how many people out there would be open books, if someone would just ask.
I’m paying more attention now, to see who’s waiting for me to ask them a question about themselves. I’m not advocating an interrogation, but a genuine interest combined with a couple questions could make a big difference.
Several months before my Dad passed away, my parents moved from their giant 6 bedroom house with no view to a tiny 2 bedroom apartment with this view.
Last August we had a family reunion in this little apartment with Mom, Dad, 5 siblings, 2 spouses and a herd of grandkids. We repeated the reunion in October for Dad’s funeral. Both occasions I marveled at this view.
At times I was frustrated that the old giant house was sitting empty waiting for a buyer while we were packed like sardines in this tiny apartment. But mostly I was thankful. I was so thankful that my parents were able to find this little apartment close to the hospital and Dad’s work. I was thankful that my parents no longer had to worry about taking care of the old house and that they were not knocking around alone in that big empty space. I was thankful my brothers and I get along well enough we were able to enjoy hanging out in the apartment together. Mostly I was thankful that we even had the opportunity to spend this time together.
Looking at that view reminds me of a time in my life where I was acutely aware of enjoying this moment right now. Not looking forward to something in the future, not happily remembering something from the past. Now.
I am humbled and wowed by your response to my Wanna-Be-Mommy post about infertility. We’ve been trying to conceive for four years and I was feeling hormonal and tired and cranky and quite frankly nearly giving up hope when I wrote that piece. Your response lifted my spirits.
It is amazing to me that I can post a message to the internet and receive such an outpouring of support and comfort and hope. So many of you I could not pick out of a police lineup, yet given a paragraph of your writing I’d know exactly who you are. Thank you, all of you.
This week has been busy for me. My world has been turned upside down and sent spinning. I’ve fallen behind on my blog reading and commenting, in fact at the moment I’ve got well over a thousand posts in my reader. I’ve been extended another award, to which I have yet to respond. Thank you, My2Boyz! And I’m trying not to let myself get too far behind on my homework from school.
You see, the dizziness, and the hormones, and the fatigue were not just in my head. What I didn’t know when I wrote that post last week, was that I was already
pregnant
[happy dance]
Thank you, all of you, for your support. You have no idea how much it means to me. I imagine I’ll need your support and advice even more over the coming months and years.
Tricia at Shout brought this story to my attention and I want to repeat it here to do my part in helping spread the word.
Gina of Lattes and Lipstick (which I’m adding to my rss reader right now) is raising money to pay for her husband’s cancer treatment by compiling and selling an eBook of recipes.
I know I have a lot of foodie friends out there, a lot of friends whose lives have been touched by cancer, and a lot of friends with really big hearts. I hope together we can make a difference for this family.
Their Story:
Our names are George & Gina Williamson. We have been married for nearly 17 years. When George turned 50 he was diagnosed with an aggressive form of prostate cancer. After radical surgery and painful radiation failed to cure his cancer, George opted to take an alternative route using diet and supplementation. His health greatly improved and he has felt better than he has in years. As he puts it, he is a “specimen of health” outside of cancer. However, his PSA levels did still continue to rise over the next several years.
In 2007 we victoriously enjoyed a Cancer Survivor Day Cruise. George was in his 6th year of survivorship at this point, surprising the doctors that he had made it this far, with no symptoms- and no metastasis. But still that pesky PSA rising…
In spite of uncertainties we have opted to enjoy life to its fullest- because none of us have tomorrow guaranteed, anyway! George just had a birthday- he is now 57.
He also just had some scans done after a pretty substantial PSA jump. For the first time, there is visible metastasis in his hip bone.
Why am I telling you all this??
Because of our belief in following a more natural path toward healing (and because of the lack of any curative options from the medical world), we have determined that George will be treated at an alternative treatment center in California- www.issels.com.
However, because it is alternative, insurance will NOT pay for it, and payment is required up front, in full. We are not wealthy people- as aren’t most people!
Therefore, we have realized that if this is going to be a reality, we need to be CREATIVE.
An idea occurred to me one day while I was brushing my teeth…
If I were to sell SOMETHING of SOME VALUE for only $1.00 and I sold 20,000 of it that would be $20,000-and that would be just about enough to send my husband to this treatment center.
BUT WHAT???
And then it hit me-
RECIPES!!
Everyone loves to share recipes. So I have chosen to compile a collection of recipes from “Friends of George” and sell them for only $1.00. And every penny goes directly into a fund solely created to send my husband to this treatment center. Hey… It might sound crazy. But it might be crazy enough to work. And I’m crazy enough about this guy to do anything to keep him around-for a very long time.
CoffeeJitters is an affiliate to a number of sites and services. I do not endorse products I don't love. I may receive compensation if you purchase items from links on this website.
