Book Review: Writer Mama: how to raise a writing career alongside your kids

Book Review: Writer Mama: how to raise a writing career alongside your kids

Have you ever thought about making a living as a writer?  That thought has been a constant companion of mine for the past 25 years.  Yes, 25 years, and it was just about exactly one year ago that I actually started doing something about it.writer mama by Christina Katz

Now with a little one on the way, I wondered if that dream would need to be postponed yet again.  I really shouldn’t be so quick to sacrifice my dreams yet again to cater to the needs of everyone else around me.  One of the things I most want to provide for my daughter is a good example.  I want my daughter to grow up looking up to a mother who is loving and kind and attentive, yes, but also self-actualized, intellectually stimulated, self-sufficient, engaging, happy, and living up to her potential.  I want to provide this example to my daughter because I wish these traits for her (in addition to the fact that I’m worth it, dammit).

Writer Mama, by Christina Katz, talks about how to get a writing career off the ground while you have small children in tow: start small while babies absorb so much of your attention and grow your business as your children gain greater degrees of independence and self-sufficiency.

Topics covered in the book include (among many others):

  • how to manage writing time around caring for children
  • how to deal with the “clips catch-22,” or how to get published if you’ve never been published
  • the business of writing: queries, article submissions, contracts, negotiations
  • managing your home and while managing your writing business
  • how to conduct interviews
  • editing and polishing your work

One of the hardest things to deal with for many who work from home, not just moms, is the fact that others tend to disrespect the time of the home worker.   When people pack up their briefcase and head off to the office, that work time is respected and to some extent, even sacred.  Those working from home seldom get the same respect unless they are very clear about setting their boundaries with others in advance.

Because of People Who Don’t Get It, if you are not good at setting boundaries with adults and children, you’re going to need to start practicing.  I suggest you start sooner rather than later. If you wait until you have a deadline looming to try to convince family members that your work matters and that you deserve support in gettting it done, you will be sorry (and probably late with your work too).

I’m really appreciating this book.  It is well organized so specific topical information is easy to find.  I suspect I will be consulting it regularly over the coming months and years.

FTC Disclosure: affiliate links were used in this post.

Pregnancy 101: How to Roll Over

Pregnancy 101: How to Roll Over

You might think rolling over is no big deal unless perhaps you’re training your dog, or your infant has developed a greater degree of mobility.  Consider, however, the plight of the poor pregnant woman, a beached whale trapped on her back in the divot of a sagging mattress. 

Rolling over is no small feat, especially once you’ve reached the point where you can no longer see your feet.

Deconstructing the rollover

Before we get into the bio-mechanics of rolling over for a pregnant woman, lets first consider the act of rolling over while not in that most delicate state. 

I sleep on the right side of the bed.  If I start out lying on my right side at the very edge of my side of the bed, rolling over involves falling to my back and then using momentum and my abdominal muscles to pull me up on my left side.  At this point I have traveled over 3/4 of the way across our full sized bed, and my husband has been displaced onto the floor. 

Now, if your spouse is willing to just stay on the floor, you’re golden. But if your spouse is anything like mine, he expects to get back into the bed – of which you are taking up your 2/3 right out of the middle.  Making room for him means you must scootch (I’m using the technical term here) back over to your side.

Scootching of course, involves bending your knees and pressing your feet into the mattress enough to lift your bum and swing it to the right, then use your abdominal muscles to pull your upper body the rest of the way back over to your side of the bed.  Notice that so far in this description we have used our abdominal muscles twice.  After that much exercise, it’s time for a nap.

A different perspective

Now let’s reconsider this scenario from the perspective of a pregnant woman.

Sleeping while pregnant requires a lot more pillows. By far, the most critical pillow is the pillow between your knees that helps keep the spine straight.  The other pillows may be added or subtracted according to relative comfort level, which may change at any given moment.  What are the other pillows for?

  • One for between the feet to keep them from, heaven forbid, touching each other. 
  • Another smallish or super soft down pillow goes between the belly and the mattress for support. 
  • A pillow in the arms for holding and snuggling and squeezing, another at the lower back for lumbar support, and of course,
  • the pillow that goes under the head.
spouse-on-floor

Now re-imagine the act of rolling over while keeping all of the pillows necessary for adequate rest in their appropriate positions. 

You can’t do it. 

You must first disengage from the pillows, roll over, scootch back to your side of the bed and then wake up your husband and have him retrieve all the pillows that fell to the floor when your whale -butt scootched back into them.

After grumpy husband throws pillows at you,  you must then reposition all of the pillows to find a comfortable enough position to return to sleep.  This could take several attempts as from day-to-day or even hour-to-hour, the one position that is comfortable may change considerably.

The betrayal of the body pillow

We have recently discovered the full body pillow which takes the place of several of the pillows listed above.  This has been an immense improvement on our sleeping conditions and marriage. 

On the down side, this pillow is about the size of a small adult, which means we are essentially sleeping three across our tiny full-sized bed. 

In addition, I have returned from a potty run on many occasions to find my pillow contently snuggled up in my husbands arms, my husband’s leg thrown over the bottom half.  It stings a bit that my pillow would betray me in this manner, and further extends the amount of time it takes to get settled into a sleep position when I must first wrestle the pillow from my husband’s arms.

Physiological changes during pregnancy

The two rolling over scenarios I have described above both ignore the physiological changes in a woman’s body during pregnancy. 

The first and most critical being increased clumsiness. How could clumsiness come in to play when one is lying down throughout the entire ordeal?  Get yourself knocked up and you’ll figure it out. 

In addition, we get winded much more easily and the act of rolling over may require a stop, mid-roll, to catch one’s breath.  Now it may seem like the logical place to stop and catch your breath may be mid-roll while you are flat on your back.  This is, however, the worst possible position from which to try to catch your breath.  While on your back the uterus and baby push the rest of your organs further up under your rib cage making it difficult to breath even if you haven’t already winded yourself. 

Also, if you stop while flat on your back, you have completely lost all momentum meaning the remainder of the roll will be powered entirely by your now non-existent abdominal muscles.  Besides, odds are you will suddenly have to run to the bathroom mid-roll anyways.

The easiest answer to rolling over in bed while pregnant: Get up and go to the bathroom and when you come back, rip the damn body pillow out of your husband’s arms, beat him with it for a minute and then lie down in the position in which you want to sleep.

Dear Baby Girl

Dear Baby Girl

Dear Baby Girl,

In exactly three months you are scheduled to make your grand entrance into this world, although the actual timing of that event is more up to you than any doctor’s calculations.  I’m scared and excited all at the same time.  I can’t wait to meet you, to hold you, to see you snuggled in your father’s arms.

Last night we went to our first childbirth class and watched a video of a woman going through labor and giving birth.  I cried.  I don’t think that was the intent of the movie, but it moved me.  Somebody once said that parenting is deciding to allow your heart to walk around outside of your body.  That’s probably the closest to how I felt watching that movie.  Like it would be my heart, right there in my arms; tangible and real and fragile.

There is so much that I hope for you.  I hope you will learn to think for yourself rather than just parroting the views and opinions others.  I hope you will understand and value the difference between fact and opinion.  I hope you will learn to process information and to see through the hype and sensationalism that is so prevalent in our world.  I hope you will understand the love trumps hate, no matter what, even if the haters claim to be representing God.  I hope you will learn that you are responsible for your own happiness and that you can’t just sit around feeling sorry for yourself and waiting for happiness to land on your doorstep.  You have to get out there.  You have to make friends and go to them rather than waiting for them to magically materialize. I hope you realize that feeling sorry for yourself only makes you feel more sorry for yourself. I hope you learn to value people for their differences rather than trying to change them to be more like you.  I hope you learn to value yourself, and at a much younger age than I did.  I’m still learning that lesson.  I hope you learn the difference between having an understanding of where you stand with others, and worrying about what they think of you.  Don’t worry about what they think of you.

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those that matter don’t mind.

That quote came from Dr. Seuss, an author with whom you will become very familiar.  It’s a short quote with a very big idea.  One that I still have trouble dealing with because the truth is, sometimes the people that matter do mind.  Sometimes the people who mind are are people you love, and it hurts when they love you for who they want you to be instead of loving you for who you are.  I’m going to make a promise right now.  I’m going to love you for who you are, whoever that turns out to be.

Love,

Mama

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Read more Letters to Gem.

The Sweetest Gift

The Sweetest Gift

I didn’t put a tree up this year.  I couldn’t deal with it.

Just the idea of driving 35 miles to our storage unit in Auburn to get the tree, and then shoving all the boxes we’ve already packed out of the way to put it up — only to have to pack everything back up again while we’re in the middle of packing up the house to move… It all felt like too much.

Besides, we were spending Christmas Day at my Mom’s house, anyway. Don’t get me wrong, I’m like a kid when it comes to Christmas, but I’m also under-rested, over-stressed and I have a living room full of boxes. Once the baby comes, we’ll decorate no matter how tired I am.

And then snow happened. Apocalyptic snow in Seattle terms. The entire city is shut down. So even when I started to think that maybe a little Christmas twinkle might be nice, it wasn’t happening.

Christmas morning I woke up to this:
sweetestgift

While I was taking a nap on Christmas Eve, the husband braved the snow and hiked to the nearest drug store (which was nearly out of everything because of the snow shutdown) to buy their last box of lights and a few other items.  After I fell asleep that night he wrapped the lights around our tripod easel, added in a trio of stuffed animals, two chocolate bars, and topped it off with a tiny stocking that contained a beautiful pair of earrings.

My guy is such a romantic.

What touched your heart this holiday season? And what was the sweetest gift you ever received?

Baby Update – Week 20

Baby Update – Week 20

At week 20 of 40, we’re halfway through this pregnancy adventure and halfway to holding baby in our arms. We had the anatomy scan last Friday and, despite baby’s hiccups, we were able to take a close look at the brain, spine and kidneys and even the tiny little fingers and toes. After assuring that everything looked healthy we got to move on to the little tidbit of information everyone has been desperately waiting for: It’s a Girl!

Here’s a picture of our beautiful baby girl’s head and shoulder in profile.

baby's first picture