It may be a few days late, but how appropriate that I finally get around to writing this letter to you on Thanksgiving; you are right at the top of my list of things for which I am thankful. You bring so much joy to my life, and recently, music as well. We got out my old keyboard and hooked it up on the shelf below the tv and you just go to town on it – sometimes singing and dancing along too. Maybe it’s mother’s ears, but you sound good – in a frightening way. Actually your music sounds like the music from a horror film that foreshadows the scary part. But somehow it sounds musical too.
At the end of last month you had just started pulling yourself into a standing position. We eventually had to take away your little gym because it wasn’t built to help you stand. You will use just about anything to help stand yourself up. In fact, Daddy got out the pots and pans so you could make noise and you tried to use them to stand up as well, which was fine until you fell and hit your head on a sauce pan.
Since then, you have started making laps around the living room, going from couch, to bookshelf, to crib, to desk, and on, and on… You move fast, and you are becoming quite agile. You are so close to walking. You spend more time standing than sitting or lying down, and when you are sitting, you prefer to be up on Daddy’s shoulders.
You are so full of mischievous energy. You are always up to something, and that little brain of yours does not take a break. You have a strong will, and I’d like to make sure you keep a strong will. But it’s also important that you learn to temper that with knowledge, understanding, and an awareness of appropriate time and place. You can be strong willed AND change your mind when it’s appropriate. Sticking to your guns when they are pointing in the wrong direction leaves your back exposed, and wont do you any good at all. There are some people that disdain anyone who changes their mind, but at any given moment in time you cannot have all of the information. Sometimes the truth comes out after you have made a decision. Reconsidering an issue based on new information is not “flip-flopping on the issues,” it is the right thing to do. New information sheds new light on old problems.
I love your feistiness. I love your snuggles and kisses.
Last night we took your crib apart in the middle of the night in order to lower the mattress. Your recent fascination with climbing paired with your new ability to pull yourself into a standing position meant that waist high crib bars were no longer safe for you. Those bars had to come up a whole lot higher.
before
after
You are definitely on the go these days. Crawling, climbing, standing, and getting in to everything. The moment I take something away, you are instantly six feet away and into something else.
I love that you are so curious and determined and persistent. I love that you will climb over teddy bears and books and blankets to investigate something that captures your attention. I love that you don’t give up when something is difficult.
And this is where parenting starts to get difficult. How do I keep you safe while at the same time, not squash your determination? Everything we do to baby-proof, to keep you safe, is an obstacle. I don’t want you to give up. I want you to be persistent. I want you to overcome obstacles. Except that one, and that one, and that one, and that one, and… and every thing else I put in your way to help keep you safe.
I feel like I tell you “no” all the time.
So what do I do? Do I teach you to give up now, and then try to re-teach determination when you get older? That doesn’t sit well with me. On the other hand, I have to keep you safe. You took a pretty big fall the other day; big enough that I took you in to see the doctor (you checked out just fine). That really scared me.
Your motor skills are pretty advanced for your age, I’m afraid they may be more advanced than your language or cognative skills. You’re no dummy, but you are still a baby. A seven month old baby. I can’t explain these things to you. The concept of cause and effect goes right over your head.
We are working on boundaries, and you are starting to get it. But boundaries wont help those situations where you try to stand up all by yourself in the middle of the living room – with nothing to hold on to. You are going to fall. Hopefully you will land on your butt, but sometimes you do a face plant. You cry a bit, and then five minutes later you try to stand up again. I love that! But standing up all by yourself makes the world more dangerous for you. We have to deal with that.
Daddy and I have been joking about getting a helmet for you, but we wouldn’t do that. You see, you need the little bumps. You need to fall down, even though it hurts. Maybe because it hurts. It’s the fact that you get up and try it again even after it hurts that makes you determined and persistent. That is how you learn. You learn so much more from success after many, many attempts than you would if you were successful at everything the first time you tried. Its the bumps that teach, not the triumphs. And the little bumps, hopefully, will help protect you from the big bumps. I can’t teach you cause and effect, it is something you have to learn from experience. The little bumps can teach you that, and teach you to be careful around the things that can cause the big bumps.
You can do anything you set your mind to. I may from time to time put obstacles in your way. Don’t assume that means “not ever,” more likely it just means “not yet.” I am so proud of you.
It amazes me that you are already six months old, you’ve become so much a part of our lives that I can hardly imagine my life without you, or remember how I got through the day before you were born.
How did I not get more accomplished then? Sure, it can be stressful at times, but I get nearly as much done now as I did then, yet I spend hours upon hours playing with you every day. I’ve been blessed with the best of both worlds.
You’ve had an amazing effect on my concept of time. I was once so focused on learning from my past, and preparing for my future, that I completely overlooked the present. The present was merely segue.
You gave me the gift of now.
From the moment of your birth – and I can’t imagine being any more engaged in the present than that experience – you have, time and time again, brought me back to right now. Not just daily, but hour by hour. A glance, a new skill, a smile, the sweet sound of your voice cooing and babbling pull me back into the here and now. And when I’m with you, the here and now is a beautiful place to be.
You are so smart and beautiful, but in a much more important way than the world considers. You are intelligent because you are curious. You explore the living room from corner to corner, you examine every inch of your toys. You are very aware of what’s going on around you, listening to conversations while studying our facial expressions. You study every face you see. These are the things that make you smart. Intelligence is not static. Intelligence is not something you are born with, it is the result of your actions. Intelligence is the thirst for knowledge, and the practice of putting it to use. And you, my darling daughter, you are already exhibiting great intelligence.
You are as beautiful as you are smart, and you are beautiful in ways that are much more important than what the world says as well. It’s not about your rosy cheeks, or the curl of your impossibly long eyelashes, or your perfect rosebud mouth. Your beauty is about your genuine smile. Your smile lights up your eyes, your face, and the entire room. Your smile lights smiles on the faces of strangers. Your beauty is in the way you behave, you reach out and place your palm on my cheek when I’m talking to you, the sweet, gentle tones in your voice. You are genuine and sweet, and that is lovely.
Your intelligence and your beauty are both qualities within your control. The more you seek knowledge, the more intelligent you will be. The more genuine and kind your interactions with others, the more beautiful you will be.
You may question me on this statement, particularly on the topic of beauty. But someday you will meet someone who is bitter and embraces cruel ideology, and then you will understand what ugly is. Your actions and attitude are far more likely to leave an indelible impression in someone’s mind than the color of your eyes, or the designer of your skirt.
I have so much more I want to say to you at the moment. I want to talk about all your accomplishments this month and how much you have learned. But this letter has already grown much too long, so I will continue with more in a couple days.
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