Gem’s gems 2013 wrapup

by | Parenting & Family

My 4-year-old comes up with some of the best one-liners, and life with this little girl is fun and amazing, and lived at full-speed. Here’s a roundup of some of my favorite Gem moments from last year, many of which you might have already seen on my facebook page.

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G: when I grow up I will have a magical bakery where I turn unicorns into doughnuts.
Me: I thought you loved unicorns.
G: I do. they’re delicious.


G collected an assortment of dandelions and daisies on our adventures this morning – now, she’s using them as paint brushes. Love how her mind works.


orange dress, pink pants, red shoes, ZERO hesitation.

orange dress, pink pants, red shoes, ZERO hesitation.

Mommy, I’m going to have to teach you how to dance Swan Lake.


It’s the middle of nap time and the kid just stuck her head out her bedroom to say: “Mommy, I need some lemon juice and extra virgin olive oil.”


little chef helped me make french toast for breakfast this morning. When we sat down to eat, she got out her little cookbook and proceeded with critiquing my method. “This recipe says one egg, you used too many. And this says one four cup milk and you didn’t even measure. and you didn’t measure the salt or the cinnamon, either. This isn’t really french toast!”
Me: “oh,yeah? then what is it?”
G flips to the next page in her cook book: “mexican omelet”


G: the early bird gets the pig
me: ?
G: some kinds of birds eat pigs
me: what kind of bird does that?
G: angry birds

She Blinded me with Science

Pro Tip: don’t answer when your 3-year-old asks what gravity is. Why? Because 5 minutes later, everything on the table will be on the floor, and she’ll say, “I didn’t do it; gravity did.”


me: “would you like to go visit the tulip fields next week?”
G: “Are they on Earth?”


G was over the moon when I gave her a calculator to play with this morning “it has all my favorite numbers!


G: “Is Santa nocturnal?
Me: ?
G: “If he stays up all night to deliver presents, does that make him nocturnal?


When she met Santa, she asked him for a jump rope, a my little pony set, and a skeleton she could put together.

The Wisdom of Youth

G: “Daddy! That’s not a nice word. Don’t say that word.”
A: “OK, I’ll try.”
G: “Don’t try, just do it!”


Mommy, your silly phone made the wakeup song when it was still dark outside, so I turned it off

what did she spend her wish on? "I wish I could be the Loch Ness Monster."

what did she spend her wish on? “I wish I could be the Loch Ness Monster.”

Me: “What do you think we should get Daddy for Christmas?”
G: “I think Daddy wants a new potty that’s colored gold, and has lots of sparkles”


Me: “i’ll think about it.”
G: “mom, dont just keep thinking. make a choice and then do it.”

Smooth Operator

Me: “I love you more than chocolate”
G: “I love you more than crab-shaped cookies”


G explaining to Daddy why “I just want to be near Mumum” while I desperately try to get caught up on this avalanche of homework:  “I love her face, and I love her smile, and I love her hair, and I love her watch, and I even love her eyes, and she takes care of me… I love that she takes care of me”

I don’t think I’m getting caught up on homework tonight… #sucker


“You got a treat for Daddy? And me? But, did you get a treat for Mommy?”
“Mommy needs to stop eating treats, kiddo.”
“But, treats are happy things. You can’t stop eating treats! Treats are WONDERFUL!”


on our way to a party and just checked the books the kid brought with her. yeah… it was a collection of my journals. at least they’re the 40-year-old “never ending to do list” type journal instead of the angsty 16-year-old “i’m the center of the universe and it’s imploding” journals.  but still. . . starting to feel a little angsty again

Lets get this party started

G: “who wants to panic with me?” runs around room waving arms in the air, yelling. meanwhile, I haven’t had my coffee yet.

what about the monkey

[about the picture above]
G: “we cant go yet because the ostrich is going to marry the horse”
Me: “what about the monkey?”
G: “he will find out soon enough”


G, on the way to the party last night: “I’m bringing the party with me, I carry it in my heart.”


excerpt from the prattle emanating from the back seat of the car:  “…then I will put this sticker on my shin, and everywhere we go people will say ‘look at that girl, she is so interesting'”


This morning our neighbor called her a “doll,” and then my 4yo daughter spent the next 10 minutes lecturing me about how dolls cant think or do anything all by themselves, but she’s a real girl and she decides what she does. I love these little rants of hers.


“Don’t worry, Mommy. I have a plan.”


Me: time to get a move on, Babe
G: Mommy! Little girls are NOT babes
Me: Oh. What are they?
G: They’re womens.


G: But little boys are babes

I should get some kind of parenting award… or not

We’ve been learning left and right, so at a stop light I had her raise her left arm, then her right, her left leg, then her right. Then the light changed, and we drove off.

A little while later I hear from the back seat
“yes, Sweety”
“Can I put them down now?”


Me: “It’s not my job to decide whether or not you’re happy. That’s your job.”
G: “No, my job is to push buttons.”


I was frustrated with some stupid mechanical mess, and telling my husband about it, when the little angel interrupted — “Mommy, when you’re frustrated, you need to take a deep breath and count to three…”
If she wasn’t so cute, that would have been really annoying. Way to ruin a perfectly good bad mood, kiddo.


A way with words

G: “That was so embarrassing.”
Me: “Wow. Embarrassing is a really big word. What do you think it means?”
G: “It means when you don’t want to be who you are.”

ouch. perceptive, but ouch.

Me: “I think you’re pretty awesome. Why were you embarrassed?”
G: “Not Meeeeee, Mom! (rolls eyes) My burrito was embarrassed, that’s why it fell in my lap. it didn’t want to be lunch.”



After she prattled off her list of demands, I said “I see.”
G: “Mommy, that means you said yes in Spanish”


Me: I’m running low on patience.
G: Mommy, please get more patience.


Best moment ever: G greeting Aaron at the door, jumping up and down, squealing and saying “I didn’t know what the words were, but I sounded them out and now I know all the  words!!!!”

Looking Ahead

2014 started with G yelling from her bedroom: “Butterfly to the rescue!”

Judy Schwartz Haley


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