I didn’t feel pretty while I was growing up. I’m not making this statement as a complaint, simply stating a fact: I didn’t feel pretty. I wasn’t quite a tomboy either, as I was much too clumsy to shoulder that label. I was smart, but smart didn’t make me any points at the christian school I attended, nor at church. Smart actually proved to be a problem in those environments.
There were a few moments I felt pretty as a teenager and young adult. Some young man tells me I’m pretty, and every once in a while I would believe it. This wasn’t a good thing, either. I was young, insecure, and desperately wanted to be accepted – as a result I was easily manipulated and, on occasion, used.
This week’s topic on the Beautiful Like Me project is What person or people are the most influential about how you feel about yourself? Who influences you the most to feel beautiful?
This is a tough topic for me. While I have memories that help to explain why I didn’t feel pretty (let’s face it, kids are mean), I have very little to draw on for positive influences on my self image. Yet for some reason, somewhere during my adulthood I started to feel pretty. Why is that? What caused my to turn my self image around? A makeover? New clothes? Extreme weight loss?
None of the above.
Confidence. I got comfortable in my own skin, learned to accept what I’ve got and make the best of it. I still have bad days but I have learned that there is a powerful link between my confidence – in any area of my life – and my self image. I actually felt pretty while I was nine months pregnant. It goes the other way as well. If I wake up with a giant zit on my chin, it can take a toll on my confidence at work or school.
For me the answer to the question of the day is myself. While it’s true that my husband can make me feel like a knock out, really it’s my own attitude and confidence that makes a difference on a daily basis on how I feel about how I look.
I look at my daughter and I wonder how to help her through this issue. I want her to believe she is beautiful, and I tell her she is all the time. On the other hand, I don’t want her to put too much value in superficial qualities. We joke about how describing a woman as having a great personality means that she is not good looking. But a great personality is so much more important and will get you so much further in life than superficial beauty.
I hope to raise a young lady who is confident and happy, who knows how to make friends and feels good about herself. If she happens to be gorgeous (of course she’ll be gorgeous), well that’s ok too.
Check out the other blogs that are participating in this project:
Its quite the same here…I still have bad days and I still suffer lack of confidence but I have seen a big change in me and I love me better and am less worried about what people think!
EQuidae’s last blog post..Summer conundrum
Hi Judy! Stopping in from SITS. Wow, do I identify with this post! I was so shy and self-conscious as a teenager but I was considered smart so I think sometimes my shyness came across wrong. Oh well….no do-overs. It wasn’t until I was about 28 that I started to realize I was okay and you know what it took? A divorce! From that point on I decided what others thought about me was less important that what I thought. Yeah, cliche, but true. Nice blog….
Great Post! very well and beautifully written.
Stopping by from SITS. Enjoy your day!
This is a fabulous post……
Don’t feel bad that you took a chance, believing someone, putting yourself out there, trusting those men, looking for love only to be used by them. Feel sorry for the women (and their children too) who end up married to such ugly, crappy men. Be happy you found out they were such lousy, selfish, ugly little men and you moved on to someone who is wonderful and treats you with love and respect.
And I am so sorry to hear that you attended a Christian school and were treated so terribly. But I am happy to see that you rose above it and are the beautiful woman you are. You need not worry about your daughter, she has you.
Robin’s last blog post..Sleeping It Off Sunday Video
I’m with you on this. My confidence faltered until I was saved. Now, as a child of God, I finally feel as though I have some value. It’s one more reason for me to be grateful to Him!
Melissa’s last blog post..SwagBucks Update and Dessert Poll Results
What an excellent post! I found it quite by accident (but no accident indeed). I can really relate to what you share about growing up. I, too, spent a lot of time being taunted, teased, and generally feeling bad about myself (to echo again, kids can be mean). Of course that didn’t shift suddenly, but more so as I started to do inner personal growth work and shifted not only my own self-image but those I surrounded myself with. While I often tell my “story” in speaking engagements, etc as to how I arrived at becoming a coach, author, entrepreneur and developing my coaching programming specifically around being comfortable in your own skin, I hadn’t really thought way way back for some time. Your article reminded me of a whole host of other links in the chain to now.
Of course it isn’t just kids that can be mean (those same kids grow up to be adults and if they don’t shift on the inside….well, more of the same)… all the more reason to step into (and get support stepping into) that confidence.
Paula G | Comfortable in Your Own Skin Coach’s last blog post..How Well Do You Handle Difficult Situations?
Congratulations SITS Queen! I think that all women can relate to your post; I know that I can. I’ve worked at being comfortable in my own skin for as long as I can remember, and continue to do so. However, I do recognize (most of the time) that I have a lot to offer, and am an important piece of this puzzle of life.
Have an awesome day!
The Main Ladybug’s last blog post..Drum Roll Please, AND THE WINNER IS . . . .
Great post – much food for thought today. Happy SITS day! I am enjoying discovering your blog.
Juliet Grossman’s last blog post..Hausfrau Hootenanny
Thank you for opening up a much needed discussion. I’m sure that many women will be blessed by knowing they are not alone in their self perception. The baby is just precious!
great post! HAPPY SITS day!
jill’s last blog post..For all moms with young children…
Three cheers for late bloomers!
What a wonderful program. How cool!
I have 2 daughters, ages 11 and 8, and it’s interesting trying to balance what’s truly important to what THEY think is important.
If we all stick together we can do it, right?!!
Happy SITS Day!!!
Ann Harrison’s last blog post..Tuesday Tunes – Diane Birch
Judy, I love this and the fact that you’ve found the confidence to feel good in your own skin. I wonder too if pregnancy and birth feel uniquely feminine and beautiful. It must be a very empowering experience to feel and see what a woman’s body is capable of…the most beautiful act of all…giving life.
[...] Judy – Coffee Jitters [...]
Confidence is a great thing. There’s something really neat about coming to the realization that “‘they’ were wrong, I really am OK.”
[...] I feel pretty Self image is such a complicated issue for young women. I contemplate what makes me feel pretty, and how to help my daughter negotiate these issues as she grows up. [...]