{"id":7063,"date":"2014-10-06T09:22:30","date_gmt":"2014-10-06T16:22:30","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/?p=7063"},"modified":"2021-03-18T22:16:03","modified_gmt":"2021-03-19T05:16:03","slug":"cancer-parenting-karey-gauthier","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/2014\/10\/06\/cancer-parenting-karey-gauthier\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Juggle Cancer and Parenting: Karey Gauthier’s Story"},"content":{"rendered":"\n\n\n\n\n
Age at diagnosis:<\/strong>\u00a029<\/td>\nDiagnosis Date:<\/strong>\u00a02\/23\/2011<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Type of Cancer:\u00a0<\/strong>Breast cancer –\u00a0Triple Negative<\/td>\nStage at Diagnosis:\u00a0<\/strong>Stage 3<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Treatment Plan<\/strong>:\u00a0Chemo, surgery (single mast) and radiation<\/td>\nCurrent Status:\u00a0<\/strong>No evidence of disease<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n

\"How<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

How did you tell your kids about the cancer diagnosis?<\/h4>\n

She was too young<\/p>\n

How did your kids respond?<\/h4>\n

Too young<\/p>\n

What are some things you did that worked really well for your family with regards to dealing with the cancer, and treatment, while raising children?<\/h4>\n

Allowing our community to help in any way they were willing and able. I also had to let go of a lot of my parenting ideals and live in survival mode. An example is letting my child watch tv younger and more often than I\u2019d planned.<\/p>\n

Is there anything you wish you\u2019d done differently?<\/h4>\n

Not really<\/p>\n

How did the impact of cancer change as time passed, and your children grew? Did it change?<\/h4>\n

Gratefully my daughter was so young the impact of cancer was minimal. The only thing I noticed was once treatment was over I had to rebuild my relationship a bit as she was used to spending more time with other caretakers.<\/p>\n

Do you have concerns about the long term impact of your cancer on your children?<\/h4>\n

Only in my fear of recurrence.<\/p>\n

What advice would you give to other moms who are diagnosed with cancer?<\/h4>\n

Ask for and receive help. We are all super moms but we don\u2019t have to be supermom<\/p>\n

What concerns or fears troubled you the most?<\/h4>\n

Death, not being there to raise them.<\/p>\n

How did you deal with those fears?<\/h4>\n

Counseling and antidepressants<\/p>\n

Have those fears and concerns changed over time?<\/h4>\n

They\u2019ve lessened some<\/p>\n

What was your darkest moment?<\/h4>\n

After surgery I really struggled and ultimately decided to go on antidepressants when I was crying every day and not feeling relief<\/p>\n

What was your best moment?<\/h4>\n

When my diagnosis anniversary passed by and I didn\u2019t notice until a week or so later. I felt to some extent I had moved on from cancer<\/p>\n

Did you decide to add more children to your family after your diagnosis? How did cancer figure into your decision?\u00a0Do you have suggestions for other women considering a post- cancer treatment pregnancy, surrogacy, or adoption?<\/h4>\n

I underwent fertility preservation prior to treatment to ensure we could continue our family post cancer. Then I accidentally ended up pregnant two and a half months after finishing treatment. Since I was hormone negative my doctors weren\u2019t concerned about the timing even though ideally they had wanted me to wait two years. My advice is you need to live your life despite the cancer. Do what makes you happy, because the truth is you never know- you could beat cancer and die in a car accident.<\/p>\n

What did you do to take care of you? How did you splurge on yourself?<\/h4>\n

As finances allowed I splurged on alternative treatments such as massage, acupuncture and chiropractors. I also made sure to do things that brought me pleasure such as pedicures and singing in annual performances.<\/p>\n

Were you able to get help from friends and family members while you were going through treatment?<\/h4>\n

I have had the privilege of experiencing the depth and breadth of love and support my community has to offer because of my cancer<\/p>\n

Was it difficult to ask for help? Do you have any suggestions around the topic of asking for help?<\/h4>\n

I struggled asking for and receiving help because it felt somehow like I was less than. If help is offered- take it. If someone says \u201cwhat can I do?\u201d Be honest even if it is cleaning your house or cooking a meal. The website lotsa helping hands was immensely helpful in managing the help also. I recommend asking someone close to help you manage it.<\/p>\n

Did you have an online resource that helped you through this experience?<\/h4>\n

Young survival coalition and lotsa helping hands were my two primary online resources<\/p>\n

Did cancer\/treatment impact your relationship with your spouse\/partner?<\/h4>\n

Yes though I\u2019m not fully sure how yet. We are still recovering<\/p>\n

Do you have any relationship advice for young moms dealing with cancer?<\/h4>\n

Take a deep breath, you can get through this<\/p>\n

What is something you wish your friends and family members understood about your cancer and its impact on your life? What would you tell the friends and family members of other mom\u2019s diagnosed with cancer? What would you want them to know about what she\u2019s about to go through, and how best they can support her?<\/h4>\n

Cancer is a medical diagnosis, not an identity. It colors who you are just as any major experience would, be it pregnancy, pets, kids, diabetes, etc. However, it does not define you or your future.<\/p>\n

For loved ones, give offers of help, but be specific. Patients don\u2019t have the capacity to figure out what would be helpful most of the time. If you plan to do something in honor of the person, ask first if they are comfortable with that. I had a family member walk in my honor twice and make a big deal about it and want me there. I felt like a prize pig on display and it felt awful.<\/p>\n

Were there any cancer-related activities or events in which you participated that you think were especially helpful to you or members of your family?<\/h4>\n

I was connected with one other woman who was a young mother going through treatment at my center. It was so helpful to have her to talk to. Counseling was also very very helpful.<\/p>\n

Are there any resources that you recommend?<\/h4>\n

Young survival coalition
\nLotsa helping hands<\/p>\n

Do you have a blog or website where you share your stories about parenting while battling cancer?<\/h4>\n

Www.ourgauthierfamily.blogspot.com<\/p>\n

What are some solutions you found to practical problems of combining cancer treatment with raising young children?<\/h4>\n

Ask for help- neighbors, friends, family. You can\u2019t do it alone. If all you can manage is a movie marathon and take out food, that is ok. It is a temporary situation and will not do permanent damage. Talk to your doctors about your unique needs in caring for your child during treatment and how to adapt accordingly. Sometimes snuggling in bed with a book or a movie is all they need when you can\u2019t pick them up.<\/p>\n

…<\/p>\n

You can find more on the How to Juggle Cancer and Parenting Series<\/a> here:<\/p>\n

\"manage<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Cancer is a medical diagnosis, not an identity. It colors who you are just as any major experience would, be it pregnancy, pets, kids, diabetes, etc. However, it does not define you or your future.<\/p>\n

For loved ones, give offers of help, but be specific. Patients don\u2019t have the capacity to figure out what would be helpful most of the time. If you plan to do something in honor of the person, ask first if they are comfortable with that. I had a family member walk in my honor twice and make a big deal about it and want me there. I felt like a prize pig on display and it felt awful.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":7064,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[834,1053],"tags":[857,842,856,843,844,860],"class_list":["post-7063","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-how-to-juggle-cancer-and-parenting","category-parenting-with-cancer","tag-kids-under-1-infant","tag-ned","tag-pregnancy-after-cancer","tag-stage-3-at-diagnosis","tag-triple-negative","tag-unilateral-mastectomy","et-has-post-format-content","et_post_format-et-post-format-standard"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/09\/KareyGauthier.png?fit=755%2C386","blog_post_layout_featured_media_urls":{"thumbnail":["https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/09\/KareyGauthier.png?resize=150%2C150",150,150,true],"full":["https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/09\/KareyGauthier.png?fit=755%2C386",755,386,false]},"categories_names":{"834":{"name":"How to Juggle Cancer and Parenting","link":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/category\/parenting-with-cancer\/how-to-juggle-cancer-and-parenting\/"},"1053":{"name":"Parenting with Cancer","link":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/category\/parenting-with-cancer\/"}},"tags_names":{"857":{"name":"Kids under 1 - infant","link":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/tag\/kids-under-1-infant\/"},"842":{"name":"NED","link":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/tag\/ned\/"},"856":{"name":"Pregnancy after cancer","link":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/tag\/pregnancy-after-cancer\/"},"843":{"name":"Stage 3 at Diagnosis","link":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/tag\/stage-3-at-diagnosis\/"},"844":{"name":"Triple Negative","link":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/tag\/triple-negative\/"},"860":{"name":"Unilateral Mastectomy","link":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/tag\/unilateral-mastectomy\/"}},"comments_number":0,"wpmagazine_modules_lite_featured_media_urls":{"thumbnail":["https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/09\/KareyGauthier.png?resize=150%2C150",150,150,true],"cvmm-medium":["https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/09\/KareyGauthier.png?resize=300%2C300",300,300,true],"cvmm-medium-plus":["https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/09\/KareyGauthier.png?resize=305%2C207",305,207,true],"cvmm-portrait":["https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/09\/KareyGauthier.png?resize=400%2C386",400,386,true],"cvmm-medium-square":["https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/09\/KareyGauthier.png?resize=600%2C386",600,386,true],"cvmm-large":["https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/09\/KareyGauthier.png?resize=755%2C386",755,386,true],"cvmm-small":["https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/09\/KareyGauthier.png?resize=130%2C95",130,95,true],"full":["https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/09\/KareyGauthier.png?fit=755%2C386",755,386,false]},"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1fDeG-1PV","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":172,"url":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/2008\/04\/12\/sunset\/","url_meta":{"origin":7063,"position":0},"title":"Sunset","author":"Judy Schwartz Haley","date":"","format":false,"excerpt":"Sunset, originally uploaded by coffeejitters. The view from Mom's new apartment: sunset over Puget Sound with the Kingston Ferry.\u00a9 Copyright Judy Haley 2008. All rights reserved.","rel":"","context":"In "Daily Life"","block_context":{"text":"Daily Life","link":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/category\/living-well\/daily-life-living-well\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":259,"url":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/2008\/07\/10\/the-last-post\/","url_meta":{"origin":7063,"position":1},"title":"The Last Post","author":"Judy Schwartz Haley","date":"","format":false,"excerpt":"Saturday morning Punk Rock Mommy died from inflammatory breast cancer. Her husband uploaded her last post and I read it and cried. I never met Punk Rock Mommy, I had never read her blog before this morning. But I am struck by the human spirit and how impending death can\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Cancer"","block_context":{"text":"Cancer","link":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/category\/cancer-2\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"punk rock mommy","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/07\/punk-rock-mommy.png?fit=800%2C800&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/07\/punk-rock-mommy.png?fit=800%2C800&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/07\/punk-rock-mommy.png?fit=800%2C800&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/07\/punk-rock-mommy.png?fit=800%2C800&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":282,"url":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/2008\/07\/29\/lattes-and-lipstick-and-recipes-and-love\/","url_meta":{"origin":7063,"position":2},"title":"Lattes and Lipstick and Recipes and Love","author":"Judy Schwartz Haley","date":"","format":false,"excerpt":"Tricia at Shout brought this story to my attention and I want to repeat it here to do my part in helping spread the word.Gina of Lattes and Lipstick (which I'm adding to my rss reader right now) is raising money to pay for her husband's cancer treatment by compiling\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Causes & Giving Back"","block_context":{"text":"Causes & Giving Back","link":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/category\/life-skills\/causes\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":142,"url":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/2006\/10\/18\/the-c-word\/","url_meta":{"origin":7063,"position":3},"title":"the C-word","author":"Judy Schwartz Haley","date":"","format":false,"excerpt":"Two weeks ago my dad went in to surgery to remove his spleen because of a blood clot. when they got in there they saw that he had pancreatic cancer that had spread throughout his abdomen. they just closed him back up without even taking the spleen. they told us\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Cancer"","block_context":{"text":"Cancer","link":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/category\/cancer-2\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"coffeejitters border pink","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/09\/border-pink.png?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/09\/border-pink.png?resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/09\/border-pink.png?resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":195,"url":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/2008\/05\/11\/my-mothers-gift\/","url_meta":{"origin":7063,"position":4},"title":"My Mother’s Gift","author":"Judy Schwartz Haley","date":"","format":false,"excerpt":"In 1991 my mom brought home Matt; I was not happy. Although I had moved out, I still had a room at the homestead - a room I needed to clear of my belongings so it could go to this new kid. But that's not the whole reason I was\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Inspiration"","block_context":{"text":"Inspiration","link":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/category\/life-skills\/inspiration-living-well\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/05\/485718849_df3156be91_z.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/05\/485718849_df3156be91_z.jpg?resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/05\/485718849_df3156be91_z.jpg?resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":12681,"url":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/2026\/03\/10\/16-year-cancerversary-and-finding-my-way-back-to-hope\/","url_meta":{"origin":7063,"position":5},"title":"16 Year Cancerversary, and finding my way back to hope","author":"Judy Schwartz Haley","date":"","format":false,"excerpt":"16 years ago, today, I got that call. The one where the doctor says, \"I'm sorry, it's cancer.\" That was the moment that turned my life upside down. Standing outside a coffee shop with the phone pressed against one ear, and my finger plugging the other ear because of traffic\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Cancer"","block_context":{"text":"Cancer","link":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/category\/cancer-2\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/03\/cancerversary-16.png?fit=1200%2C675&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/03\/cancerversary-16.png?fit=1200%2C675&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/03\/cancerversary-16.png?fit=1200%2C675&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/03\/cancerversary-16.png?fit=1200%2C675&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/03\/cancerversary-16.png?fit=1200%2C675&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7063","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7063"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7063\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":8787,"href":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7063\/revisions\/8787"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/7064"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7063"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7063"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7063"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}