{"id":6969,"date":"2014-08-30T18:40:48","date_gmt":"2014-08-31T01:40:48","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/?p=6969"},"modified":"2022-03-25T23:25:15","modified_gmt":"2022-03-26T06:25:15","slug":"help-kids-cope-parents-cancer-interview-oncology-social-worker","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/2014\/08\/30\/help-kids-cope-parents-cancer-interview-oncology-social-worker\/","title":{"rendered":"How to help kids cope with a parent’s cancer: interview with an oncology social worker"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

What’s going to happen to my baby?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

The first thing I thought when I was diagnosed with breast cancer was what’s going to happen to my baby<\/em>? I’m not alone in that thought, I’ve discussed the topic at length with my friends who are also juggling child rearing with cancer treatment. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

And it does impact the kids, but there are ways to help our kids cope with a parent’s cancer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Interview with a Social Worker<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Michelle Massey runs the Camp Sparkle<\/a> and Small Talk programs at Gilda\u2019s Club<\/a> in Seattle. [Updated to note that the former Gilda’s Club in Seattle is now operating independently- although maintaining the same mission – and goes by the name Cancer Pathways<\/a>.<\/span>] She is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and a Board Certified Oncology Social Worker.  She got her start at Children\u2019s Hospital<\/a> working with kids with cancer, where she started to notice that the siblings needed some attention, too. Now her work focuses on the children of cancer patients.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We sat down at her kitchen table to discuss how kids are impacted by their parent\u2019s cancer, and what we can do to help.  She was very clear in making the point that if a parent has cancer, the kids are affected. They might not show it. They might be perfect little angels because they don\u2019t want to be a burden, but that doesn’t mean that they are not affected.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"section<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

Kids are by nature ego-centric. <\/h2>\n\n\n\n

There is nothing wrong with this, it is part of our developmental process, and hopefully, we grow out of that perspective. But it\u2019s important to remember the eco-centric perspective when working with children who are dealing with their parent\u2019s cancer. When they think the world revolves around them, then they naturally think they have an impact on everything that happens. That means when a parent gets cancer, they think it has something to do with them. It\u2019s the same reason kids think it\u2019s their fault if their parent\u2019s get a divorce.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"childs<\/a><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n


The ego-centric perspective also means that the child\u2019s biggest concern is \u201cwhat is going to happen to me?\u201d They are concerned about the well-being of their parent, but even more so, they want to know that whatever happens, someone is going to know that they like their peanut butter and jelly sandwich cut into triangles, and which songs to sing as they tuck them in at night. Fear of abandonment is a normal reaction to this situation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is important to understand that a child\u2019s anxiety around a parent\u2019s cancer is an appropriate reaction, and not a sign of mental illness. Counseling and group therapy sessions can help kids develop the tools they need to weather the ups and downs of their parent\u2019s cancer treatment. Additionally, this is not likely to be the last challenge in the child\u2019s life, so the tools learned in counseling will be of lifelong benefit.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Group activities that involve other kids whose parents have cancer is also beneficial in that it provides an environment where the kids can feel normal. They don\u2019t have to feel weird because everyone has cancer in their home.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I asked Michelle what specific advice she would give to parents who have cancer, and these were her suggestions:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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How to help kids cope when a parent has cancer<\/h2>\n\n\n\n