{"id":4870,"date":"2014-03-10T13:53:38","date_gmt":"2014-03-10T20:53:38","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/?p=4870"},"modified":"2021-03-18T22:22:12","modified_gmt":"2021-03-19T05:22:12","slug":"cancerversary","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/2014\/03\/10\/cancerversary\/","title":{"rendered":"Cancerversary"},"content":{"rendered":"

One month ago today, we moved into our new home.<\/p>\n

Friday, I registered my baby for Kindergarten.<\/p>\n

Two days ago was my dear friend Dee’s birthday – a woman who lives thousands of miles away, yet somehow still finds a way to be here for me at those moments when it’s most important.<\/p>\n

Yesterday was Candice<\/a>‘s birthday, the first birthday she didn’t live to see, and I’m still angry that she’s gone.<\/p>\n

In twelve days my little girl turns five.<\/p>\n

On April Fools Day, it will be the first anniversary of Michele<\/a>‘s death; that still feels like the cruelest of cosmic jokes.<\/p>\n

In two months, if I manage to get my act together and pass these classes, I will finally graduate with my bachelor’s degree. It took 25 years from the start of the degree, and I stuck with it through several levels of hell, and no small measure of high water. But I’m right here at the end of that road, dammit, and I’m going to finish it.<\/p>\n

And today?<\/p>\n

\"pic\"<\/p>\n

Today is my fourth cancerversary. It is the fourth anniversary of the day my world was turned upside-down. It is the anniversary of\u00a0the first time I really had to grapple with my mortality, with the knowledge that I can’t control how much time I have left. I had to accept the fact that despite my infinite love for my daughter, I could not promise her that I would always be here for her. I had to imagine the possibility of her growing up without a mother.<\/p>\n

It took a while for me to let go of the idea of getting back to normal – that doesn’t happen after cancer. Instead, I’m learning to dream new dreams<\/a>, and take what happened to me and try to make the best of it. I could sit here and mope through the day, feeling sorry for myself, but I haven’t spent any of my cancerversaries that way yet. In fact, last year something magical happened<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Tonight, I will be meeting with other leaders of the local Young Survival Coalition<\/a> to plan out ways we can help other young women with breast cancer through the year ahead.<\/p>\n

Life keeps coming at me from a thousand different directions. It’s a maelstrom of joy and fear, comfort and pain, fun and hard work. It’s exhausting and overwhelming, and often moves me to tears. Maybe that’s how I know I’m really living.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Let’s Connect<\/strong><\/h2>\n

\"\"<\/span><\/a> . \"\"<\/span><\/a> . \"\"<\/span><\/a> . \"\"<\/span><\/a> . \"\"<\/span><\/a>\u00a0.\u00a0\"\"<\/span><\/a> . \"\"<\/span><\/a> . \"\"<\/span> . \"\"<\/span> . \"\"<\/span><\/a><\/span>
\n\"Follow<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Thoughts on cancer, death, and getting busy living on the 4th anniversary of my cancer diagnosis.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":4871,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1053],"tags":[663,353,348,664,451,566],"class_list":["post-4870","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-parenting-with-cancer","tag-cancerversary","tag-not-just-surviving-but-thriving","tag-parenting-with-cancer","tag-support","tag-young-survival-coalition","tag-ysc","et-has-post-format-content","et_post_format-et-post-format-standard"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/03\/pic.jpg?fit=387%2C387","blog_post_layout_featured_media_urls":{"thumbnail":["https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/03\/pic.jpg?resize=150%2C150",150,150,true],"full":["https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/03\/pic.jpg?fit=387%2C387",387,387,false]},"categories_names":{"1053":{"name":"Parenting with Cancer","link":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/category\/parenting-with-cancer\/"}},"tags_names":{"663":{"name":"cancerversary","link":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/tag\/cancerversary\/"},"353":{"name":"not just surviving but thriving","link":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/tag\/not-just-surviving-but-thriving\/"},"348":{"name":"parenting with cancer","link":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/tag\/parenting-with-cancer\/"},"664":{"name":"support","link":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/tag\/support\/"},"451":{"name":"Young Survival Coalition","link":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/tag\/young-survival-coalition\/"},"566":{"name":"ysc","link":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/tag\/ysc\/"}},"comments_number":0,"wpmagazine_modules_lite_featured_media_urls":{"thumbnail":["https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/03\/pic.jpg?resize=150%2C150",150,150,true],"cvmm-medium":["https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/03\/pic.jpg?resize=300%2C300",300,300,true],"cvmm-medium-plus":["https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/03\/pic.jpg?resize=305%2C207",305,207,true],"cvmm-portrait":["https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/03\/pic.jpg?resize=387%2C387",387,387,true],"cvmm-medium-square":["https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/03\/pic.jpg?resize=387%2C387",387,387,true],"cvmm-large":["https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/03\/pic.jpg?resize=387%2C387",387,387,true],"cvmm-small":["https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/03\/pic.jpg?resize=130%2C95",130,95,true],"full":["https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/03\/pic.jpg?fit=387%2C387",387,387,false]},"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1fDeG-1gy","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":12681,"url":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/2026\/03\/10\/16-year-cancerversary-and-finding-my-way-back-to-hope\/","url_meta":{"origin":4870,"position":0},"title":"16 Year Cancerversary, and finding my way back to hope","author":"Judy Schwartz Haley","date":"","format":false,"excerpt":"16 years ago, today, I got that call. The one where the doctor says, \"I'm sorry, it's cancer.\" That was the moment that turned my life upside down. Standing outside a coffee shop with the phone pressed against one ear, and my finger plugging the other ear because of traffic\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Cancer"","block_context":{"text":"Cancer","link":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/category\/cancer-2\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/03\/cancerversary-16.png?fit=1200%2C675&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/03\/cancerversary-16.png?fit=1200%2C675&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/03\/cancerversary-16.png?fit=1200%2C675&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/03\/cancerversary-16.png?fit=1200%2C675&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/03\/cancerversary-16.png?fit=1200%2C675&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":4070,"url":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/2013\/01\/15\/just-breathe\/","url_meta":{"origin":4870,"position":1},"title":"Just Breathe","author":"Judy Schwartz Haley","date":"","format":false,"excerpt":"Sometimes all we have left is our breath. Sometimes breath is all we need. One more breath, to take us to one more moment. Inhale. Exhale. Repeat.","rel":"","context":"In "Best of CoffeeJitters"","block_context":{"text":"Best of CoffeeJitters","link":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/category\/best-of-coffeejitters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/01\/just-breathe-3.png?fit=1200%2C675&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/01\/just-breathe-3.png?fit=1200%2C675&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/01\/just-breathe-3.png?fit=1200%2C675&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/01\/just-breathe-3.png?fit=1200%2C675&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/01\/just-breathe-3.png?fit=1200%2C675&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":8317,"url":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/2015\/02\/28\/listen-mother\/","url_meta":{"origin":4870,"position":2},"title":"Listen to Your Mother","author":"Judy Schwartz Haley","date":"","format":false,"excerpt":"I'm supposed to be on vacation right now. Actually, I AM on vacation right now, hidden away on a cabin on an island with a few close friends, but I just had to share something. I recently\u00a0did something brave and scary: I worked up the nerve to audition for Listen\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Creating a Living"","block_context":{"text":"Creating a Living","link":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/category\/creating-a-living\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"listen to your mother","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/listen-to-your-mother-2.png?fit=500%2C500&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":7982,"url":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/2014\/12\/31\/gems-gems-2014-wrapup\/","url_meta":{"origin":4870,"position":3},"title":"Gem’s Gems 2014 Wrapup","author":"Judy Schwartz Haley","date":"","format":false,"excerpt":"My kid says some funny stuff, and every year I post a round-up of some of her best lines. enjoy. \u00a0Ambition G: I can be anything I want when I grow up? Me: Sure, what do you want to be? G: A unicorn Me: wanna watch a movie? G: No.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Parenting & Family"","block_context":{"text":"Parenting & Family","link":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/category\/parenting-living-well\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/12\/gems-gems.png?fit=640%2C640&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/12\/gems-gems.png?fit=640%2C640&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/12\/gems-gems.png?fit=640%2C640&resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":8364,"url":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/2015\/05\/07\/what-your-mom-wants-for-mothers-day\/","url_meta":{"origin":4870,"position":4},"title":"What your mom wants for Mothers Day","author":"Judy Schwartz Haley","date":"","format":false,"excerpt":"* She wants the handmade crafts - the pictures, the paintings, the little sculptures, the handprints, the inedible breakfast - But the coffee, she wants the coffee to be good, so if you haven't mastered that skill yet, step aside * She wants to laugh without peeing her pants *\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Living Well"","block_context":{"text":"Living Well","link":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/category\/living-well\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"What your mom wants for mothers day","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/05\/what-your-mom-wants-for-mothers-day.png?fit=940%2C788&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/05\/what-your-mom-wants-for-mothers-day.png?fit=940%2C788&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/05\/what-your-mom-wants-for-mothers-day.png?fit=940%2C788&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/05\/what-your-mom-wants-for-mothers-day.png?fit=940%2C788&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":8341,"url":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/2015\/04\/25\/the-birds-and-the-bees-of-butterflies\/","url_meta":{"origin":4870,"position":5},"title":"The birds and the bees of butterflies","author":"Judy Schwartz Haley","date":"","format":false,"excerpt":"growing butterflies from caterpillars, and releasing them to the wild.","rel":"","context":"In "Daily Life"","block_context":{"text":"Daily Life","link":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/category\/living-well\/daily-life-living-well\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/04\/butterlies.png?fit=1200%2C675&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/04\/butterlies.png?fit=1200%2C675&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/04\/butterlies.png?fit=1200%2C675&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/04\/butterlies.png?fit=1200%2C675&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/04\/butterlies.png?fit=1200%2C675&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4870","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4870"}],"version-history":[{"count":21,"href":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4870\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":8752,"href":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4870\/revisions\/8752"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/4871"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4870"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4870"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4870"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}