{"id":3658,"date":"2012-05-29T14:04:06","date_gmt":"2012-05-29T21:04:06","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/?p=3658"},"modified":"2021-03-18T22:26:08","modified_gmt":"2021-03-19T05:26:08","slug":"deep-thoughts","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/2012\/05\/29\/deep-thoughts\/","title":{"rendered":"Deep thoughts&#8230;"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>I&#8217;ve been doing a lot of deep thinking, lately&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>pondering,<\/p>\n<p>cogitating,<\/p>\n<p>ruminating,<\/p>\n<p>evaluating,<\/p>\n<p>perhaps even brooding. Definitely brooding.<\/p>\n<p>I&#8217;m just not at a point where I can talk about it all. It&#8217;s just so much&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>So much what does this cancer diagnosis mean to the rest of my life? to what extent will I let it define me? what do I want to do when I grow up? will it have something to do with cancer? should I change my major? what is the meaning of life, the universe, and everything? does it even matter? where are my shoes? how will we pay rent? did I take my pills this morning, or was that yesterday? who am I? who are you? will Lizzie and Mr. Darcy ever work things out?<\/p>\n<p>In spite of all of that, I still have this&#8230;<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/2012\/05\/deep-thoughts\/swing\/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-6557\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" data-attachment-id=\"6557\" data-permalink=\"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/2012\/05\/29\/deep-thoughts\/swing\/\" data-orig-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/05\/swing.png?fit=640%2C424\" data-orig-size=\"640,424\" data-comments-opened=\"1\" data-image-meta=\"{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;}\" data-image-title=\"swing\" data-image-description=\"\" data-image-caption=\"\" data-large-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/05\/swing.png?fit=640%2C424\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-6557\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/05\/swing.png?resize=640%2C424\" alt=\"Gem on a swing - CoffeeJitters.Net\" width=\"640\" height=\"424\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/05\/swing.png?w=640 640w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/05\/swing.png?resize=300%2C198 300w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>the meaning of life, the universe, and everything is such a small thing compared to the beauty of my little girl in a swing. Pondering can wait; it&#8217;s time to play.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I&#8217;ve been doing a lot of deep thinking, lately&#8230; pondering, cogitating, ruminating, evaluating, perhaps even brooding. Definitely brooding. I&#8217;m just not at a point where I can talk about it all. It&#8217;s just so much&#8230; So much what does this cancer diagnosis mean to the rest of my life? to what extent will I let [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":6557,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[694,1042,138,1053],"tags":[688,671,564,24,718,543],"class_list":["post-3658","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-living-well","category-living-with-cancer","category-parenting-living-well","category-parenting-with-cancer","tag-health-2","tag-life-lessons-2","tag-life-the-universe-and-everything","tag-photography-creating-a-living","tag-what-next","tag-ww","et-has-post-format-content","et_post_format-et-post-format-standard"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/05\/swing.png?fit=640%2C424","blog_post_layout_featured_media_urls":{"thumbnail":["https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/05\/swing.png?resize=150%2C150",150,150,true],"full":["https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/05\/swing.png?fit=640%2C424",640,424,false]},"categories_names":{"694":{"name":"Living Well","link":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/category\/living-well\/"},"1042":{"name":"Living with Cancer","link":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/category\/parenting-with-cancer\/living-with-cancer\/"},"138":{"name":"Parenting &amp; Family","link":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/category\/parenting-living-well\/"},"1053":{"name":"Parenting with Cancer","link":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/category\/parenting-with-cancer\/"}},"tags_names":{"688":{"name":"health","link":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/tag\/health-2\/"},"671":{"name":"life lessons","link":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/tag\/life-lessons-2\/"},"564":{"name":"life the universe and everything","link":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/tag\/life-the-universe-and-everything\/"},"24":{"name":"Photography","link":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/tag\/photography-creating-a-living\/"},"718":{"name":"what next","link":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/tag\/what-next\/"},"543":{"name":"ww","link":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/tag\/ww\/"}},"comments_number":0,"wpmagazine_modules_lite_featured_media_urls":{"thumbnail":["https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/05\/swing.png?resize=150%2C150",150,150,true],"cvmm-medium":["https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/05\/swing.png?resize=300%2C300",300,300,true],"cvmm-medium-plus":["https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/05\/swing.png?resize=305%2C207",305,207,true],"cvmm-portrait":["https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/05\/swing.png?resize=400%2C424",400,424,true],"cvmm-medium-square":["https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/05\/swing.png?resize=600%2C424",600,424,true],"cvmm-large":["https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/05\/swing.png?resize=640%2C424",640,424,true],"cvmm-small":["https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/05\/swing.png?resize=130%2C95",130,95,true],"full":["https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/05\/swing.png?fit=640%2C424",640,424,false]},"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1fDeG-X0","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":172,"url":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/2008\/04\/12\/sunset\/","url_meta":{"origin":3658,"position":0},"title":"Sunset","author":"Judy Schwartz Haley","date":"","format":false,"excerpt":"Sunset, originally uploaded by coffeejitters. The view from Mom's new apartment: sunset over Puget Sound with the Kingston Ferry.\u00a9 Copyright Judy Haley 2008. All rights reserved.","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Daily Life&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Daily Life","link":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/category\/living-well\/daily-life-living-well\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":282,"url":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/2008\/07\/29\/lattes-and-lipstick-and-recipes-and-love\/","url_meta":{"origin":3658,"position":1},"title":"Lattes and Lipstick and Recipes and Love","author":"Judy Schwartz Haley","date":"","format":false,"excerpt":"Tricia at Shout brought this story to my attention and I want to repeat it here to do my part in helping spread the word.Gina of Lattes and Lipstick (which I'm adding to my rss reader right now) is raising money to pay for her husband's cancer treatment by compiling\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Causes &amp; Giving Back&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Causes &amp; Giving Back","link":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/category\/life-skills\/causes\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":259,"url":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/2008\/07\/10\/the-last-post\/","url_meta":{"origin":3658,"position":2},"title":"The Last Post","author":"Judy Schwartz Haley","date":"","format":false,"excerpt":"Saturday morning Punk Rock Mommy died from inflammatory breast cancer. Her husband uploaded her last post and I read it and cried. I never met Punk Rock Mommy, I had never read her blog before this morning. But I am struck by the human spirit and how impending death can\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Cancer&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Cancer","link":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/category\/cancer-2\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"punk rock mommy","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/07\/punk-rock-mommy.png?fit=800%2C800&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/07\/punk-rock-mommy.png?fit=800%2C800&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/07\/punk-rock-mommy.png?fit=800%2C800&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/07\/punk-rock-mommy.png?fit=800%2C800&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":12681,"url":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/2026\/03\/10\/16-year-cancerversary-and-finding-my-way-back-to-hope\/","url_meta":{"origin":3658,"position":3},"title":"16 Year Cancerversary, and finding my way back to hope","author":"Judy Schwartz Haley","date":"","format":false,"excerpt":"16 years ago, today, I got that call. The one where the doctor says, \"I'm sorry, it's cancer.\" That was the moment that turned my life upside down. Standing outside a coffee shop with the phone pressed against one ear, and my finger plugging the other ear because of traffic\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Cancer&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Cancer","link":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/category\/cancer-2\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/03\/cancerversary-16.png?fit=1200%2C675&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/03\/cancerversary-16.png?fit=1200%2C675&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/03\/cancerversary-16.png?fit=1200%2C675&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/03\/cancerversary-16.png?fit=1200%2C675&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/03\/cancerversary-16.png?fit=1200%2C675&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":142,"url":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/2006\/10\/18\/the-c-word\/","url_meta":{"origin":3658,"position":4},"title":"the C-word","author":"Judy Schwartz Haley","date":"","format":false,"excerpt":"Two weeks ago my dad went in to surgery to remove his spleen because of a blood clot. when they got in there they saw that he had pancreatic cancer that had spread throughout his abdomen. they just closed him back up without even taking the spleen. they told us\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Cancer&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Cancer","link":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/category\/cancer-2\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"coffeejitters border pink","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/09\/border-pink.png?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/09\/border-pink.png?resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/09\/border-pink.png?resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":195,"url":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/2008\/05\/11\/my-mothers-gift\/","url_meta":{"origin":3658,"position":5},"title":"My Mother&#8217;s Gift","author":"Judy Schwartz Haley","date":"","format":false,"excerpt":"In 1991 my mom brought home Matt; I was not happy. Although I had moved out, I still had a room at the homestead - a room I needed to clear of my belongings so it could go to this new kid. 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