{"id":2571,"date":"2011-01-13T03:33:53","date_gmt":"2011-01-13T10:33:53","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/?p=2571"},"modified":"2021-03-17T19:29:49","modified_gmt":"2021-03-18T02:29:49","slug":"scarred","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/2011\/01\/13\/scarred\/","title":{"rendered":"Scarred"},"content":{"rendered":"

It was my good boob that tried to kill me.<\/p>\n

A year ago I stood at the mirror, glaring at my left breast which was starting to show the strain of breastfeeding my baby. The good boob, the one on the right, remained as firm and perky as it was when I was 18. I couldn’t have guessed that all that perkiness was supplied by 11 centimeters of cancerous tumor.<\/p>\n

\"Judy<\/a><\/p>\n

I now have a scar that runs from under my arm almost all the way to my sternum. I have 5 little pin-sized tattoos that are used to line me up in the beastly machine that irradiates my skin – which is now burned rough and red from collarbone to abdomen, and breastbone to armpit. In the place where my breast used to be is an implant called an expander (Aaron calls it my bionic boob) with the mission of stretching the skin to hopefully make it possible for doctors to manufacture a new breast once I complete treatment.<\/p>\n

My left side is scarred as well, with the tell-tale 2-inch horizontal line just below my collarbone where the medi-port was installed for my chemo infusions.\u00a0 Cancer survivors recognize each other by this this little scar that peeks out from any kind of V-neck top. The port shows through my skin, and my husband and I joked that with these implants and my bald head, I should have dressed up as a Borg for Halloween. Beneath the skin and ribs, my heart has been damaged by the chemo drugs as well.<\/p>\n

The memory of wishing that my left breast was more like my “good” boob now brings a chill. But the left breast will soon become a scar as well, as I’m having a second mastectomy with my reconstruction this summer. The type of cancer I have has an extremely high rate of recurrence.<\/p>\n

My attitude towards these scars is changing.\u00a0 Each scar tells a story, and since I’m still kicking, each scar represents a challenge I overcame. I’m learning to accept them as a kind of private little merit badge. Having a supportive husband helps<\/a>.\u00a0 And since the perky boob, the “good” boob, turned out to be evil, it’s worth mentioning that just because something is pretty doesn’t mean it’s good.<\/p>\n

You can learn more about my cancer story here:<\/p>\n

\"my<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Let’s Connect<\/strong><\/h2>\n

\"\"<\/span><\/a> . \"\"<\/span><\/a> . \"\"<\/span><\/a> . \"\"<\/span><\/a> . \"\"<\/span><\/a>\u00a0.\u00a0\"\"<\/span><\/a> . \"\"<\/span><\/a> . \"\"<\/span> . \"\"<\/span> . \"\"<\/span><\/a><\/span>
\n\"Follow<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

My attitude towards these scars is changing.\u00a0 Each scar tells a story, and since I’m still kicking, each scar represents a challenge I overcame. I’m learning to accept them as a kind of private little merit badge.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2580,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_seo_schema_type":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[695,1043,1042],"tags":[452,350,671,353,348,468],"class_list":["post-2571","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-cancer-2","category-health-and-wellness","category-living-with-cancer","tag-breast-cancer","tag-breast-cancer-under-40","tag-life-lessons-2","tag-not-just-surviving-but-thriving","tag-parenting-with-cancer","tag-scar","et-has-post-format-content","et_post_format-et-post-format-standard"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/01\/004.jpg?fit=1777%2C1362","blog_post_layout_featured_media_urls":{"thumbnail":["https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/01\/004.jpg?resize=150%2C150",150,150,true],"full":["https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/01\/004.jpg?fit=1777%2C1362",1777,1362,false]},"categories_names":{"695":{"name":"Cancer","link":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/category\/cancer-2\/"},"1043":{"name":"Health & Wellness","link":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/category\/life-skills\/health-and-wellness\/"},"1042":{"name":"Living with Cancer","link":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/category\/parenting-with-cancer\/living-with-cancer\/"}},"tags_names":{"452":{"name":"breast cancer","link":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/tag\/breast-cancer\/"},"350":{"name":"breast cancer under 40","link":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/tag\/breast-cancer-under-40\/"},"671":{"name":"life lessons","link":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/tag\/life-lessons-2\/"},"353":{"name":"not just surviving but thriving","link":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/tag\/not-just-surviving-but-thriving\/"},"348":{"name":"parenting with cancer","link":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/tag\/parenting-with-cancer\/"},"468":{"name":"scar","link":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/tag\/scar\/"}},"comments_number":0,"wpmagazine_modules_lite_featured_media_urls":{"thumbnail":["https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/01\/004.jpg?resize=150%2C150",150,150,true],"cvmm-medium":["https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/01\/004.jpg?resize=300%2C300",300,300,true],"cvmm-medium-plus":["https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/01\/004.jpg?resize=305%2C207",305,207,true],"cvmm-portrait":["https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/01\/004.jpg?resize=400%2C600",400,600,true],"cvmm-medium-square":["https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/01\/004.jpg?resize=600%2C600",600,600,true],"cvmm-large":["https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/01\/004.jpg?resize=1024%2C1024",1024,1024,true],"cvmm-small":["https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/01\/004.jpg?resize=130%2C95",130,95,true],"full":["https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/01\/004.jpg?fit=1777%2C1362",1777,1362,false]},"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/s1fDeG-scarred","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":259,"url":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/2008\/07\/10\/the-last-post\/","url_meta":{"origin":2571,"position":0},"title":"The Last Post","author":"Judy Schwartz Haley","date":"","format":false,"excerpt":"Saturday morning Punk Rock Mommy died from inflammatory breast cancer. Her husband uploaded her last post and I read it and cried. I never met Punk Rock Mommy, I had never read her blog before this morning. But I am struck by the human spirit and how impending death can\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Cancer"","block_context":{"text":"Cancer","link":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/category\/cancer-2\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"punk rock mommy","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/07\/punk-rock-mommy.png?fit=800%2C800&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/07\/punk-rock-mommy.png?fit=800%2C800&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/07\/punk-rock-mommy.png?fit=800%2C800&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/07\/punk-rock-mommy.png?fit=800%2C800&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":282,"url":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/2008\/07\/29\/lattes-and-lipstick-and-recipes-and-love\/","url_meta":{"origin":2571,"position":1},"title":"Lattes and Lipstick and Recipes and Love","author":"Judy Schwartz Haley","date":"","format":false,"excerpt":"Tricia at Shout brought this story to my attention and I want to repeat it here to do my part in helping spread the word.Gina of Lattes and Lipstick (which I'm adding to my rss reader right now) is raising money to pay for her husband's cancer treatment by compiling\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Causes & Giving Back"","block_context":{"text":"Causes & Giving Back","link":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/category\/life-skills\/causes\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":142,"url":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/2006\/10\/18\/the-c-word\/","url_meta":{"origin":2571,"position":2},"title":"the C-word","author":"Judy Schwartz Haley","date":"","format":false,"excerpt":"Two weeks ago my dad went in to surgery to remove his spleen because of a blood clot. when they got in there they saw that he had pancreatic cancer that had spread throughout his abdomen. they just closed him back up without even taking the spleen. they told us\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Cancer"","block_context":{"text":"Cancer","link":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/category\/cancer-2\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"coffeejitters border pink","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/09\/border-pink.png?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/09\/border-pink.png?resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/09\/border-pink.png?resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":12681,"url":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/2026\/03\/10\/16-year-cancerversary-and-finding-my-way-back-to-hope\/","url_meta":{"origin":2571,"position":3},"title":"16 Year Cancerversary, and finding my way back to hope","author":"Judy Schwartz Haley","date":"","format":false,"excerpt":"16 years ago, today, I got that call. The one where the doctor says, \"I'm sorry, it's cancer.\" That was the moment that turned my life upside down. Standing outside a coffee shop with the phone pressed against one ear, and my finger plugging the other ear because of traffic\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Cancer"","block_context":{"text":"Cancer","link":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/category\/cancer-2\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/03\/cancerversary-16.png?fit=1200%2C675&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/03\/cancerversary-16.png?fit=1200%2C675&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/03\/cancerversary-16.png?fit=1200%2C675&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/03\/cancerversary-16.png?fit=1200%2C675&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/03\/cancerversary-16.png?fit=1200%2C675&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":172,"url":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/2008\/04\/12\/sunset\/","url_meta":{"origin":2571,"position":4},"title":"Sunset","author":"Judy Schwartz Haley","date":"","format":false,"excerpt":"Sunset, originally uploaded by coffeejitters. The view from Mom's new apartment: sunset over Puget Sound with the Kingston Ferry.\u00a9 Copyright Judy Haley 2008. All rights reserved.","rel":"","context":"In "Daily Life"","block_context":{"text":"Daily Life","link":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/category\/living-well\/daily-life-living-well\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":332,"url":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/2008\/10\/22\/one-year-later\/","url_meta":{"origin":2571,"position":5},"title":"One Year Later","author":"Judy Schwartz Haley","date":"","format":false,"excerpt":"It was one year ago today that my father passed away. I'm still learning how to wrap my brain around this fact. I keep wanting to call or email him. His email address is still sitting there in my address book while his instant messenger icon keeps telling me he's\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Inspiration"","block_context":{"text":"Inspiration","link":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/category\/life-skills\/inspiration-living-well\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Michael H. Schwartz - CoffeeJitters.Net","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/10\/Michael_H_Schwartz.png?fit=640%2C737&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/10\/Michael_H_Schwartz.png?fit=640%2C737&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/10\/Michael_H_Schwartz.png?fit=640%2C737&resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2571","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2571"}],"version-history":[{"count":11,"href":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2571\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":9909,"href":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2571\/revisions\/9909"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2580"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2571"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2571"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2571"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}