{"id":2480,"date":"2010-12-21T00:16:28","date_gmt":"2010-12-21T07:16:28","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/?p=2480"},"modified":"2014-09-09T20:47:35","modified_gmt":"2014-09-10T03:47:35","slug":"new-perspective-memory","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/2010\/12\/21\/new-perspective-memory\/","title":{"rendered":"New Perspective on Memory"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>I was in the back seat, pretending to sleep as we pulled into the driveway late after a long day of shopping. At five, and the oldest in a large family, the odds of Daddy carrying me into the house and up the stairs to my room were pretty slim. But that didn&#8217;t stop me from trying.<\/p>\n<p>Most of the time, he&#8217;d wake me up and send me inside, but every once in a while my little ploy worked. \u00a0I&#8217;d rest my head on his shoulder as we ascended the stairs, and ragdoll as he maneuvered me into my jammies. \u00a0Then he would tuck me into bed, brush the hair from my face, and plant a kiss on my forehead. \u00a0I relished those moments, soaking up the attention.<\/p>\n<p>Parenthood has given me a new perspective on this memory.\u00a0I wonder how transparent my motives were. \u00a0Did he know I was only pretending to sleep, and carry me in anyway? \u00a0Did he want to hold me as much as I wanted to be held? As a child, I only thought about how I had to compete with my brothers for attention and affection. It didn&#8217;t occur to me that my parents might crave those cuddles, too.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/2010\/12\/newperspectiveonmemor\/judy-and-daddy\/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-7201\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" data-attachment-id=\"7201\" data-permalink=\"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/2010\/12\/21\/new-perspective-memory\/judy-and-daddy\/\" data-orig-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/12\/Judy-and-Daddy.jpg?fit=640%2C452\" data-orig-size=\"640,452\" data-comments-opened=\"1\" data-image-meta=\"{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;}\" data-image-title=\"Judy and Daddy\" data-image-description=\"&lt;p&gt;Judy Schwartz Haley and Michael H. Schwartz 1973&lt;\/p&gt;\n\" data-image-caption=\"\" data-large-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/12\/Judy-and-Daddy.jpg?fit=640%2C452\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-7201\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/12\/Judy-and-Daddy.jpg?resize=640%2C452\" alt=\"Judy and Daddy\" width=\"640\" height=\"452\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/12\/Judy-and-Daddy.jpg?w=640 640w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/12\/Judy-and-Daddy.jpg?resize=300%2C211 300w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/12\/Judy-and-Daddy.jpg?resize=106%2C75 106w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/12\/Judy-and-Daddy.jpg?resize=82%2C57 82w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>Today would have been my dad&#8217;s 65th birthday.<\/p>\n<p>I miss you, Dad.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/2014\/09\/juggle-cancer-parenting\/border-pink\/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-7071\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" data-attachment-id=\"7071\" data-permalink=\"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/2014\/09\/01\/juggle-cancer-parenting\/border-pink\/\" data-orig-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/09\/border-pink.png?fit=640%2C89\" data-orig-size=\"640,89\" data-comments-opened=\"1\" data-image-meta=\"{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;}\" data-image-title=\"border-pink\" data-image-description=\"\" data-image-caption=\"\" data-large-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/09\/border-pink.png?fit=640%2C89\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-7071\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/09\/border-pink.png?resize=640%2C89\" alt=\"coffeejitters border pink\" width=\"640\" height=\"89\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/09\/border-pink.png?w=640 640w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/09\/border-pink.png?resize=300%2C41 300w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I was in the back seat, pretending to sleep as we pulled into the driveway late after a long day of shopping. At five, and the oldest in a large family, the odds of Daddy carrying me into the house and up the stairs to my room were pretty slim. But that didn&#8217;t stop me [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":7201,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[761,694],"tags":[591,27,28,671,464,465,146],"class_list":["post-2480","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-family-living-well","category-living-well","tag-childhood-2","tag-dad","tag-extended-family","tag-life-lessons-2","tag-memory","tag-perspective","tag-1what-really-matters","et-has-post-format-content","et_post_format-et-post-format-standard"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/12\/Judy-and-Daddy.jpg?fit=640%2C452","blog_post_layout_featured_media_urls":{"thumbnail":["https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/12\/Judy-and-Daddy.jpg?resize=150%2C150",150,150,true],"full":["https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/12\/Judy-and-Daddy.jpg?fit=640%2C452",640,452,false]},"categories_names":{"761":{"name":"Family","link":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/category\/living-well\/family-living-well\/"},"694":{"name":"Living Well","link":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/category\/living-well\/"}},"tags_names":{"591":{"name":"childhood","link":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/tag\/childhood-2\/"},"27":{"name":"dad","link":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/tag\/dad\/"},"28":{"name":"Extended Family","link":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/tag\/extended-family\/"},"671":{"name":"life lessons","link":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/tag\/life-lessons-2\/"},"464":{"name":"memory","link":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/tag\/memory\/"},"465":{"name":"perspective","link":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/tag\/perspective\/"},"146":{"name":"What Really Matters","link":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/tag\/1what-really-matters\/"}},"comments_number":0,"wpmagazine_modules_lite_featured_media_urls":{"thumbnail":["https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/12\/Judy-and-Daddy.jpg?resize=150%2C150",150,150,true],"cvmm-medium":["https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/12\/Judy-and-Daddy.jpg?resize=300%2C300",300,300,true],"cvmm-medium-plus":["https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/12\/Judy-and-Daddy.jpg?resize=305%2C207",305,207,true],"cvmm-portrait":["https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/12\/Judy-and-Daddy.jpg?resize=400%2C452",400,452,true],"cvmm-medium-square":["https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/12\/Judy-and-Daddy.jpg?resize=600%2C452",600,452,true],"cvmm-large":["https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/12\/Judy-and-Daddy.jpg?resize=640%2C452",640,452,true],"cvmm-small":["https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/12\/Judy-and-Daddy.jpg?resize=130%2C95",130,95,true],"full":["https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/12\/Judy-and-Daddy.jpg?fit=640%2C452",640,452,false]},"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1fDeG-E0","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":4174,"url":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/2013\/04\/16\/a-new-day\/","url_meta":{"origin":2480,"position":0},"title":"A new day","author":"Judy Schwartz Haley","date":"","format":false,"excerpt":"A new day, with a new set of challenges, including the challenge of wrapping my head around yet another wave of violence. But that fresh start is also an opportunity for a fresh perspective, for evolving the way I look at the situation, and the world.","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Community&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Community","link":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/category\/life-skills\/community-living-well\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/04\/a-new-day-1.png?fit=1200%2C675&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/04\/a-new-day-1.png?fit=1200%2C675&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/04\/a-new-day-1.png?fit=1200%2C675&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/04\/a-new-day-1.png?fit=1200%2C675&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/04\/a-new-day-1.png?fit=1200%2C675&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":259,"url":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/2008\/07\/10\/the-last-post\/","url_meta":{"origin":2480,"position":1},"title":"The Last Post","author":"Judy Schwartz Haley","date":"","format":false,"excerpt":"Saturday morning Punk Rock Mommy died from inflammatory breast cancer. Her husband uploaded her last post and I read it and cried. I never met Punk Rock Mommy, I had never read her blog before this morning. But I am struck by the human spirit and how impending death can\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Cancer&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Cancer","link":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/category\/cancer-2\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"punk rock mommy","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/07\/punk-rock-mommy.png?fit=800%2C800&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/07\/punk-rock-mommy.png?fit=800%2C800&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/07\/punk-rock-mommy.png?fit=800%2C800&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/07\/punk-rock-mommy.png?fit=800%2C800&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":12681,"url":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/2026\/03\/10\/16-year-cancerversary-and-finding-my-way-back-to-hope\/","url_meta":{"origin":2480,"position":2},"title":"16 Year Cancerversary, and finding my way back to hope","author":"Judy Schwartz Haley","date":"","format":false,"excerpt":"16 years ago, today, I got that call. The one where the doctor says, \"I'm sorry, it's cancer.\" That was the moment that turned my life upside down. Standing outside a coffee shop with the phone pressed against one ear, and my finger plugging the other ear because of traffic\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Cancer&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Cancer","link":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/category\/cancer-2\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/03\/cancerversary-16.png?fit=1200%2C675&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/03\/cancerversary-16.png?fit=1200%2C675&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/03\/cancerversary-16.png?fit=1200%2C675&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/03\/cancerversary-16.png?fit=1200%2C675&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/03\/cancerversary-16.png?fit=1200%2C675&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":214,"url":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/2008\/05\/29\/finding-beauty-in-strange-places\/","url_meta":{"origin":2480,"position":3},"title":"Finding Beauty in Strange Places","author":"Judy Schwartz Haley","date":"","format":false,"excerpt":"I love finding beauty in strange places - peeking out from garbage bins or rising up from the cracks in a sidewalk. A few months ago, I tossed aside my purse and re-purposed my camera bag to serve both it's original purpose and carry all my bits that the purse\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Inspiration&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Inspiration","link":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/category\/life-skills\/inspiration-living-well\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"beauty in strange places - CoffeeJitters.Net","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/05\/beauty-in-strange-places.png?fit=640%2C853&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/05\/beauty-in-strange-places.png?fit=640%2C853&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/05\/beauty-in-strange-places.png?fit=640%2C853&resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":12145,"url":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/2023\/02\/18\/6-benefits-of-freewriting\/","url_meta":{"origin":2480,"position":4},"title":"6 Benefits of Freewriting","author":"Judy Schwartz Haley","date":"","format":false,"excerpt":"Freewriting is a simple writing practice that helps prime the writer for creativity and inspiration among other benefits","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Inspiration&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Inspiration","link":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/category\/life-skills\/inspiration-living-well\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/02\/6-benefits-of-freewriting.png?fit=1200%2C675&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/02\/6-benefits-of-freewriting.png?fit=1200%2C675&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/02\/6-benefits-of-freewriting.png?fit=1200%2C675&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/02\/6-benefits-of-freewriting.png?fit=1200%2C675&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/02\/6-benefits-of-freewriting.png?fit=1200%2C675&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":332,"url":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/2008\/10\/22\/one-year-later\/","url_meta":{"origin":2480,"position":5},"title":"One Year Later","author":"Judy Schwartz Haley","date":"","format":false,"excerpt":"It was one year ago today that my father passed away. I'm still learning how to wrap my brain around this fact. I keep wanting to call or email him. His email address is still sitting there in my address book while his instant messenger icon keeps telling me he's\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Inspiration&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Inspiration","link":"http:\/\/coffeejitters.net\/blog\/category\/life-skills\/inspiration-living-well\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Michael H. 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