My kid says some funny stuff, and every year I post a round-up of some of her best lines.
enjoy.
Ambition
G: I can be anything I want when I grow up?
Me: Sure, what do you want to be?
G: A unicorn
Me: wanna watch a movie?
G: No. I must rule the world.
Me: you talk about being a princess a lot. do you ever think about being an engineer or a teacher?
G: Princesses never lie to their mommies
thus endeth the career counseling session
g: “I’m gonna be a kid for a long time?”
me: “yep, you are going to be a kid for a long time.”
g: “I love being a kid! Grownups work while kids play.”
G: Do you know what my superpower is?
Me: What is it?
G: writing… and thinking. oh, and snoring.
G has decided that now that she is a kid instead of a baby, we are going to have to change the nicknames by which we refer to her. The list is long and I won’t go through them all, but Baby is out, Sweetpea is still ok, and on and on.
So what do you really want me to call you? I asked.
Genevieve. Or you can call me the Judge.
That’s my girl!
G, on the way to the party last night: “I’m bringing the party with me, I carry it in my heart.”
G, fists in the air: “Even though I small on the outside, I big and powerful on the inside!”
this is the space alien that lives in the space volcano. they are not monsters, they are just not from here. I learn new things from my little one every day.
“I want to keep doing this mischief thing forever”
G’s word of the day: Accigently – when you make a mistake, but do it carefully
card shark
G: DADDY! daddy DADDY! daddy
Me: Genevieve! Daddy’s office is not a yelling place
G: I was trying to find him using echo location
“when I see a baby, the love goes right into my heart and then I sing it out”
what? your living room doesn’t have ann applause sign? she hung this sign a couple days ago when we failed to perceive that her dancing was a performance. sign says: if you like my dance, clap.
Me: when you wake up tomorrow, it will be your last day of being 4
G: Oh, good, I’m REALLY tired of being 4
she arranged the stools into a train, and she has her trusty atlas. the library thinks its time to close, but we are on a train, on our way to denmark to see a pig
G, to another kid at the playground: “That’s my mom and dad over there, and they both love me and I both love them.”
“it’s a good day for dancing”
it took some doing, but she finally climbed up on that boulder – then she stood up and started in on yoga poses #invincible
Very angry little girl in time out: I’m just going to take a sharp saw and cut off my room from the rest of the house and sail away.
apparently she likes to travel in style: with dress-up clothes, fancy bed, and toys.
I told her about Get Smart, and the shoe phone…
G: what does BFF mean?
Me: that means Best Friends Forever
G: like you and me?
my girl packed us a picnic
G, clinging to my back: “Can you turn your head around and look at me?”
Me: “no, my head only goes side to side, it doesn’t go to the back”
G, grabbing head: “I can fix that”
Just one of the many things that my kid says that would totally creep me out if it was anyone else
G: I would be happy to trade my computer for your computer
Me: my computer isn’t working very well right now.
G: Then I will trade this lego figure for your computer
G: close your eyes and I will sing you a lullaby so you can sleep better tonight
Me: awww, that’s sweet
G: ♫ Old McDonald Had a Farm… ♩ ♬
For the love of books
waiting for the library to open
riveted
G: I want to give these books to other kids who don’t have any books.
Me: That’s a very nice thing to do.
G: Well, these books are bad
Me: why are they bad?
G: Well it’s not nice to hop on people, its not nice to mess up people’s houses, and kids should never cross the street without holding a grownup’s hand
G picked up an English/Russian dictionary and tried to read it. After a few frustrated minutes, she throws it down, stomps away, and pouts with her arms folded across her chest…
I ask her about it…
G: “that book is for a different day”
attempts reading while walking. at least mom was there to pay attention to boring details like stairs
“when you learn about light, that’s called light reading”
G just told me she is writing a book. The title: The world of make believe is real… ly cool
People just don’t measure up to animals
G, reading a book about different kinds of birds: “not all birds lay eggs”
Me: “sure they do, all different kinds of birds lay eggs”
G: “the boys don’t”
#facepalm
Awwwww. it’s a cute little baby butterfly
the kid is campaigning for a pet at our new place, so I asked her what kind of pet she wants
me: do you want a pet rhinoceros?
G: no that’s to big
me: how about a pet whale?
G: no that would splash too much and get everything wet
me: how about a pet orangutan?
G: no that would throw poop everywhere.
We’re running out of options here
you might think those look like toy trucks, but you’d be wrong. they’re pigs, and shes a pig farmer
“Butterfly to the rescue!”
rescuing worms from the sidewalk
The parenting books didn’t warn me about this
G: Why wont you make another baby so I can have a sister?
Me: my body has too much trouble making babies
G: you just need to practice more
G just informed us that the guards at her office called and they really need her to come in to work right now.
most creative attempt at getting out of bedtime yet
I was enjoying G brushing my hair till Aaron walked by and suggested she use a real brush. Me: why? what is she using?
“Mommy, how do you spell body parts?”
– she was searching for something to watch on Netflix
“ok, mama, I’ll be good, but just to make you happy”
Me: tell you what, I will let you watch one tv show before you go have some quiet play time in your room
G: if you can decide to let me watch one show, you can decide to let me watch two
G, deadpan, to me: were you there when the Earth was still flat?
G: You’re not my real mom!
Me: Is that so? Who is?
G: Maleficent
G informed me that last night she had the best dream ever. she dreamed that she was Snow White. I asked her if she cooked and cleaned for the dwarves, and she said yes. I asked her if she was going to clean up her mess in the living room… “Mom! It was just a dream!”
Just trying to make her dreams come true
“I’m serious, Mom. I’m as serious as a first grader.”
“my little tooth is so excited to get out of my mouth”
My little chef
G, at dinner: have you made this before?
me: yes
G: and you made it again anyway?
G: I want to make Daddy a cherry pie for his birthday
Me: I just bought ingredients for coconut cream pie, because it’s his favorite
G: I think Daddy wants cherry
Me: did you ask him
G: Daddy, do you want a surprise?
G: Mommy I’m going to watch over you forever
ME: that’s sweet
G: I’m going to watch to make sure you never make this food again
G: I’m so hungry I don’t care what you give me – except if you give me something I don’t like.
G, to me: When I grow up and have a restaurant, you can be one of my chefs
Me: what about Daddy?
G: he can clean and eat
ice cream is deliciouser than ants on a log
G: when I grow up and have a restaurant it will have a special room with comfy chairs for sick people, and I will give them special tea to make them feel better, and daddy will play guitar.
The Fashionista
G: “I don’t even know who St. Patrick is. Why does he get to pick what color I wear?”
nothing bashful about the pink she’s wearing today
favorite mode of transportation: dancing
G, to Aaron: too bad you don’t have my glorious hair
oh how I love these outfits she puts together
Ready for Kindergarten
she wanted to practice wearing her new backpack today so she would be ready for kindergarten
breakfast picnic: she wanted to test her new lunchbox to make sure it works. kindergarten countdown: 8 days
G: Every time I look outside, it’s still dark out
Me: Because it’s still night time
G: But how will I know when to wake up for school? I don’t think morning will ever come
first day of kindergarten
the end of the first day of kindergarten
dancing on the way to school
kindergarten school picture
I can’t wait to see what she comes up with next year.
My 4-year-old comes up with some of the best one-liners, and life with this little girl is fun and amazing, and lived at full-speed. Here’s a roundup of some of my favorite Gem moments from last year, many of which you might have already seen on my facebook page.
Cultural Icon
G: when I grow up I will have a magical bakery where I turn unicorns into doughnuts.
Me: I thought you loved unicorns.
G: I do. they’re delicious.
G collected an assortment of dandelions and daisies on our adventures this morning – now, she’s using them as paint brushes. Love how her mind works.
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orange dress, pink pants, red shoes, ZERO hesitation.
Mommy, I’m going to have to teach you how to dance Swan Lake.
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It’s the middle of nap time and the kid just stuck her head out her bedroom to say: “Mommy, I need some lemon juice and extra virgin olive oil.”
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little chef helped me make french toast for breakfast this morning. When we sat down to eat, she got out her little cookbook and proceeded with critiquing my method. “This recipe says one egg, you used too many. And this says one four cup milk and you didn’t even measure. and you didn’t measure the salt or the cinnamon, either. This isn’t really french toast!”
Me: “oh,yeah? then what is it?”
G flips to the next page in her cook book: “mexican omelet”
G: the early bird gets the pig
me: ?
G: some kinds of birds eat pigs
me: what kind of bird does that?
G: angry birds
She Blinded me with Science
Pro Tip: don’t answer when your 3-year-old asks what gravity is. Why? Because 5 minutes later, everything on the table will be on the floor, and she’ll say, “I didn’t do it; gravity did.”
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me: “would you like to go visit the tulip fields next week?”
G: “Are they on Earth?”
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G was over the moon when I gave her a calculator to play with this morning “it has all my favorite numbers!
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G: “Is Santa nocturnal?
Me: ?
G: “If he stays up all night to deliver presents, does that make him nocturnal?
When she met Santa, she asked him for a jump rope, a my little pony set, and a skeleton she could put together.
The Wisdom of Youth
G: “Daddy! That’s not a nice word. Don’t say that word.”
A: “OK, I’ll try.”
G: “Don’t try, just do it!”
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Mommy, your silly phone made the wakeup song when it was still dark outside, so I turned it off
what did she spend her wish on? “I wish I could be the Loch Ness Monster.”
Me: “What do you think we should get Daddy for Christmas?”
G: “I think Daddy wants a new potty that’s colored gold, and has lots of sparkles”
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Me: “i’ll think about it.”
G: “mom, dont just keep thinking. make a choice and then do it.”
Smooth Operator
Me: “I love you more than chocolate”
G: “I love you more than crab-shaped cookies”
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G explaining to Daddy why “I just want to be near Mumum” while I desperately try to get caught up on this avalanche of homework: “I love her face, and I love her smile, and I love her hair, and I love her watch, and I even love her eyes, and she takes care of me… I love that she takes care of me”
I don’t think I’m getting caught up on homework tonight… #sucker
“You got a treat for Daddy? And me? But, did you get a treat for Mommy?”
“Mommy needs to stop eating treats, kiddo.”
“But, treats are happy things. You can’t stop eating treats! Treats are WONDERFUL!”
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on our way to a party and just checked the books the kid brought with her. yeah… it was a collection of my journals. at least they’re the 40-year-old “never ending to do list” type journal instead of the angsty 16-year-old “i’m the center of the universe and it’s imploding” journals. but still. . . starting to feel a little angsty again
Lets get this party started
G: “who wants to panic with me?” runs around room waving arms in the air, yelling. meanwhile, I haven’t had my coffee yet.
[about the picture above]
G: “we cant go yet because the ostrich is going to marry the horse”
Me: “what about the monkey?”
G: “he will find out soon enough”
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G, on the way to the party last night: “I’m bringing the party with me, I carry it in my heart.”
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excerpt from the prattle emanating from the back seat of the car: “…then I will put this sticker on my shin, and everywhere we go people will say ‘look at that girl, she is so interesting'”
Feminista
This morning our neighbor called her a “doll,” and then my 4yo daughter spent the next 10 minutes lecturing me about how dolls cant think or do anything all by themselves, but she’s a real girl and she decides what she does. I love these little rants of hers.
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“Don’t worry, Mommy. I have a plan.”
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Me: time to get a move on, Babe
G: Mommy! Little girls are NOT babes
Me: Oh. What are they?
G: They’re womens.
Later
G: But little boys are babes
I should get some kind of parenting award… or not
We’ve been learning left and right, so at a stop light I had her raise her left arm, then her right, her left leg, then her right. Then the light changed, and we drove off.
A little while later I hear from the back seat
“Mommy?”
“yes, Sweety”
“Can I put them down now?”
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Me: “It’s not my job to decide whether or not you’re happy. That’s your job.”
G: “No, my job is to push buttons.”
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I was frustrated with some stupid mechanical mess, and telling my husband about it, when the little angel interrupted — “Mommy, when you’re frustrated, you need to take a deep breath and count to three…”
If she wasn’t so cute, that would have been really annoying. Way to ruin a perfectly good bad mood, kiddo.
A way with words
G: “That was so embarrassing.”
Me: “Wow. Embarrassing is a really big word. What do you think it means?”
G: “It means when you don’t want to be who you are.”
ouch. perceptive, but ouch.
Me: “I think you’re pretty awesome. Why were you embarrassed?”
G: “Not Meeeeee, Mom! (rolls eyes) My burrito was embarrassed, that’s why it fell in my lap. it didn’t want to be lunch.”
whew.
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After she prattled off her list of demands, I said “I see.”
G: “Mommy, that means you said yes in Spanish”
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Me: I’m running low on patience.
G: Mommy, please get more patience.
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Best moment ever: G greeting Aaron at the door, jumping up and down, squealing and saying “I didn’t know what the words were, but I sounded them out and now I know all the words!!!!”
Looking Ahead
2014 started with G yelling from her bedroom: “Butterfly to the rescue!”
2013 was a rough year – full of health issues, surgeries, and hospital stays, but there was so much more to my year than just health related news.
I was selected as a Voice of the Year by BlogHer for my post, Just Breathe. By the way, my little niece mentioned in the post is thriving now, and just celebrated her first birthday.
My little girl reminded me to dance, and live in the moment, on the anniversary of my cancer diagnosis.
I dove into the Winter/Spring semester as a full time student.
I went to New Orleans to attend the Conference for Young Women affected by breast cancer. It was so powerful to be in a place with nearly 1000 other young women living with breast cancer.
It’s not where you’re going, or the conditions along the way; I learned that what really makes a difference is your traveling companions.
I was one of 5 authors reading our work about living with breast cancer at Courage Night.
I was challenged to chronicle just one hour of my life for a blog post, and the results were magical.
I realized that I am still re-learning how to dream after cancer. “I’ve reached the point where I understand what I have been intuitively trying to do, yet simultaneously resisting – to improve the flexibility and range of my imagination, of my ability to re-dream my future.”
Two years after chemo, I finally got my hair back into a ponytail.
Every year, I run away with my girls from the Young Survival Coalition (young women with breast cancer) for a retreat at the Harmony Hill Retreat Center. It’s a slumber party for grownups, but even more important, for a moment, we’re in a place and group where life with cancer is normal, and everyone understands what we’re going through.
I wrote a piece for Survivorship Partners on Cancer and Guilt, when I noticed how much judgement there is around a cancer diagnosis. Nobody deserves cancer, not even me.
I traveled to Indianapolis to attend the Affiliate Summit for the Young Survival Coalition, and to participate in the process of changing much of the structure of that organization. The experience left me with a powerful lesson in change management.
My husband went to Istanbul to present his research at the International Society for Iranian Studies Conference. While he was there, he had a significant health crisis. I didn’t blog about that part, but it was more terrifying to me than my own cancer diagnosis. He’s healthy now, however, and he did manage to get a few great photographs of Istanbul while he was there.
We attended the cutest birthday party ever. Our cousin’s daughter’s 3rd birthday party had a dinosaur ballerina theme. Perfect, as Gem is into dinosaurs and ballerinas, as well. You really can’t go wrong with homemade dinosaur tails and tutus for each of the kids.
My husband and I celebrated our eighth wedding anniversary, and I reminded the universe that the sickness and poorer parts of our vows were not an invitation. I also challenged to universe to remember that there was a richer and health part in there as well.
In Taking Back October, I mourned the loss of one of my favorite months, October, to the Breast Cancer Awareness money making machine, and I discussed the difference between working towards awareness for the most well known cancer, and working towards a cure.
Plans for my second mastectomy and reconstruction surgery started in earnest. My surgery is scheduled for 2/4/13. Mom will be flying down from Alaska to take care of my little one.
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