Grateful for gratitude

Grateful for gratitude

My gratitude journal started out as a quick list every night. I just got in the habit of listing 5 things for which I was thankful each night before bed; often it was the same, or a similar list, each time.  Husband, daughter, a roof over our heads, and the last two varied, but it was a less than fascinating list.

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Then I started putting some effort into mixing things up. I didn’t just say I was thankful for my husband, I got specific and mentioned a quality or something he did or said. Same with my daughter – and many other frequent flyers on my gratitude list.  Soon, my nightly entries morphed from a quick five-word-list to an accounting of my day that was framed around an expression of gratitude.

I’ve kept a journal for most of my life, with varying degrees of enthusiasm, but once I added the gratitude element, the journal took on a different, more energetic and pro-active tone – it’s my autobiography written through the lens of gratitude.

I found myself looking for things throughout the day, taking note of things – ooh, that’s going on my list tonight!

Still, there are days when I have to look really, really hard
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There have been times when the world just falls apart around me, and yet still I can always find at least five things.

I resisted this idea for a while – it’s essentially dishonest, I thought, to disregard everything that’s going wrong. But that’s where I was wrong. It is not a matter of disregard.

A few months ago, my husband had a medical crisis while he was in Istanbul. It was a stressful and terrifying experience, but the relief I felt once we got him from the airport to safely admitted to the hospital was palpable. To acknowledge that relief underscores, rather than dismisses, the significance of that crisis.

gratitude journal - CoffeeJitters.Net

This process doesn’t disregard the darkness, it looks for the light. My gratitude practice exercises the sames skills I use to find solutions to problems. I imagine there are worse mental pathways to make habitual.

 

And it is becoming a habitual practice.

Not to long ago, I took to my journal ready to whine and complain about everything that was going wrong, but out of habit, I had written the word “Gratitude” at the top of the page.

I couldn’t fill a page with whining when it had the word gratitude at the top. So I decided to go ahead and do my gratitude list first, and whine later on another page.

gratitude journal - coffeejitters.net

I never got around to whining. That’s when I knew my gratitude practice was really working.

As we head into the month of Thanksgiving, and tonight especially, there is so much for which to be thankful, and it does seem to be the topic of the hour. Today, among so many other things that bless my life, I am thankful for my gratitude practice.

I know that the idea of a gratitude practice is starting to gain some popularity. Anyone else out there make a practice of it?  Any thoughts?

Little pick-me-ups

Little pick-me-ups

A friend once said to me “Enough with the character building; we’ve got plenty of character.” And I do believe I have plenty of character, yet life keeps the lessons coming at me.

One of those lessons is that I need to make a practice of taking care of myself, and I’m not just talking about the physical parts (exercising more, and eating less garbage), although that is an element. I’m talking about taking care of the rest of me – the parts that make me me.

Most of the time, I can rattle off 5 or 15 things that I love to do and I know will lift my spirits. Most of the time. The rest of the time, I’ve learned to rely on The List. The list is an ever growing and changing document that I keep on my computer, and periodically print out a copy for my purse and beside the bed. I also usually have handwritten versions in my journals, along with notes of items to add to the master list.

What’s on the list? Little things I can do, that are mostly quick, easy and free or very inexpensive to lift my spirits. At first, it felt a little silly to keep a list of mood lifters. I mean, I know what I like to do, right? But in those moments when I need them most, that seems to be the time I can’t think of any of them. I also keep a list of healthy snacks handy, for those times when my discretion is at the mercy of my cravings, but that’s another post for another day.

I’m not going to post the entire list – just a short version of some of my favorites. These are just some ideas you can add to your own list if you see fit. I usually add an item to the list every week or so, especially as I find new hobbies in which to indulge. I’ve also crossed off a few items. People change; what lifts them up can change, too.

The List: little pick-me-ups

1. Get out the camera.

Looking through the view finder forces me to look at the world with different eyes.

peacock

 

2. Change the lens on the camera.

New lens, new perspective. Everything looks different.

little pick-me-ups

 

3. Get lost.

I love to hop in the car and drive. At every intersection, I choose the road with which I am least familiar until I’m lost. Then I find my way home. Instant adventure with a big bonus – I can do this while baby naps in her car seat.

little pick-me-ups

4. Journal.

There are two major approaches to journaling: to hold on to thoughts, or to purge them. Whatever works. I go back and forth between both forms of journal writing; it depends what I’m going through.

pick-me-ups

5. Toe wiggling.

It is impossible to maintain a bad mood while simultaneously wiggling your toes for any amount of time. Try it. I dare you.

6. Take a bath.

Yup, just wash the stress away.

7. Connect with a friend.

Phone call, coffee date, 3 a.m. email, facebook message, tweet, late night giggle-fest, whatever… just reach out every once in a while. (This one is especially important for introverts like me. I wonder if extroverts really need this kind of reminder.)

little pick-me-ups

8. Lend a hand.

It frequently surprises me just how energizing and uplifting it feels to help someone else.

9. Exercise.

Stop groaning, and just do it.

little pick-me-ups

 

10. Giggle.

Proximity to kids is good for this, or watch a comedy or comedian. Subscribe to the Bloggess, go back and look at pictures of yourself in the 80s. (ok, maybe that last one is a little frightening, but you get the picture)

in the moment

11. Dance.

This is much more fun than number 9, and if you do it right, it counts as exercise. We regularly have impromptu living room dance parties around here, and it always makes the day feel a little less gray.

And, if all else fails:

12. Ice cream.

EDIT: I was just asked about coffee. Of course, coffee is a pick-me-up for me, but as it is an addiction, there’s no need for me to list it. 🙂

What do you do for a pick-me-up?

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WW linky is on page 2.

Normalizing – in a good way

Normalizing – in a good way

“People give you 3 months to mourn, and a year to have cancer, then they expect you to get back to normal.”

I don’t know where I heard this quote first, but I’ve experienced the truth of the statement both in terms of mourning and cancer recovery.

Normalizing - in a good way

It’s not that I’m faced with the reality of that quote on a daily basis, but it does remind me that while the lingering effects of my cancer still impact every single day of my life, many around me have moved on; my cancer is old news and in their minds, overplayed.

I understand this perspective; I’ve been there myself. I know people whom I’ve avoided because every conversation, for years, involved detailed information about the wellbeing of their bladder or their gout.

It does get old, and frankly, there are some details I just don’t need to know.

Normalizing - in a good way

I do try to avoid being that person who unloads in that manner, but the fact that cancer is still a part of my present life is depressing to others, as well. People want good news. Something better than “I was able to hold on to my pen long enough to write a whole page,” which is a big deal to me as a writer and avid journal keeper whose dominant arm was significantly impacted by cancer treatment, but not so meaningful to everyone else.

I don’t talk about those things anymore. I swallow my words, and put on a mask, and when people ask how I’m doing, I just say “awesome” and leave it at that.

Normalizing - in a good way

This is where a group like the Young Survival Coalition, and a retreat like Harmony Hill, are so critical to the wellbeing of a cancer survivor like me. It’s not just a retreat away from the stresses of everyday life, it’s a coming together with other women with similar experiences and battle scars. A three day weekend where we can compare notes, treatments, ongoing issues, what works for me, what doesn’t, and how we’re coping with all of it is not just healing, it’s normalizing – in a good way.

Normalizing - in a good way

We’re not alone in this experience. We can share without the fear of being perceived as complaining. We can make fun of our condition and laugh at cancer in a way that often makes others uncomfortable. It’s summer camp crossed with a slumber party, plus booze and minus the curfew. It’s yoga, meditation, labyrinth walking, beach combing, flower smelling, and lawn napping, followed by good food, good conversation, and tearing the best parts out of magazines for each of us to make something uniquely our own.

Normalizing - in a good way

And it’s research. I’m looking forward to another surgery in the next few months. This one will involve 12 hours under the knife – that’s a long time – plus six weeks of recovery. It’s not something to take lightly. But I spent a weekend with 23 other cancer survivors, most of whom have already endured this surgery. I got better information on what to expect and how to prepare from these women who already went through it than from the doctor who has performed this procedure hundreds of times. And that’s to be expected. As much as these doctors know about performing this procedure, they haven’t experienced it.

Normalizing - in a good way

I’m so thankful I have this group of survivors in my life. That we got to get away together, away from all the other stresses and demands of life for a couple days seems like a miracle. I know it took a lot of work to pull it together, but it was so worth it. I love you girls.

Normalizing - in a good way
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You can learn more about my cancer story here:

my cancer story | Judy Schwartz Haley
Labyrinth

Labyrinth

Thich Nhat Hanh said:

Walk as if you are kissing the Earth with your feet.”

labyrinth - CoffeeJitters.Net

This weekend, I’m planning on making a few laps around this tree with that thought in mind. This labyrinth, and the Harmony Hill retreat center where it resides, is one of my favorite places in all of Washington. I’m also planning on spending my days doing yoga and soaking in the beauty of hood canal, followed by nights filled with girl talk, laughter, and the 3 Bs: booze, B-movies, and contraband bacon.

And boobs. There is always talk about boobs. It’s de rigueur at a getaway for young women with breast cancer.

I’m hoping a weekend away with women who know exactly what I’m going through is just what I need – a lot of fun. It sure was last year. And this year – no homework!

 
You can learn more about my cancer story here:

my cancer story | Judy Schwartz Haley

 

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Photography as a meditation

Photography as a meditation

I stalk the light, and the world fades away.
There is only this moment,
this camera,
this flower,
this light.

Which camera? Irrelevant:
an old beater, camera phone, DSLR…
it doesn’t matter.

The flower – deconstructed
petal, stamen,
line, curve,
color.

I capture the light, not the flower
The way the light moves and flexes,
around and through,
reflection,
absorption,
glow.

In the end, it’s not even about me;
it’s about embracing the light.

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