Dear Gem – Month 2

You are two months old as of Friday; it is just amazing to me how fast time is moving. You are so different today from the way you were a month ago. You are much bigger; you now weigh more than 13 pounds, and the doctor says you are thriving. You spend more of your time wide awake.  You are more aware of your surroundings.  You recognize people and places, and will sometimes break into a huge smile when you see me or Daddy. You are so much fun to be around.

You make the cutest faces.
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(Yes, that’s Daddy trying to torment you in his Darth Vader mask)

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Daddy brought home a huge bouquet of flowers for my first Mother’s Day, and you were mesmerized.  You studied those flowers intently, even as they started to change and die off. We kept the remains of those flowers much longer than we should have, because you loved to look at them.  I told Daddy he’s going to have to bring us flowers much more frequently.

Yesterday, while I was singing to you, you broke into a big grin and started cooing along with me.  You giggle, and laugh, and squeal with delight.  You babble away at the toys hanging from your bouncy seat. We have so much fun with you.

It’s not all laughter and smiles.  The doctor warned us that you would probably be fussier this month, and my goodness that is certainly true.  We can count on several hours of crying every night.  But we are learning – learning patience, learning your cues, learning what works for you.  This is not uncommon for babies of your age.  Your body is changing and there are times when you are very uncomfortable.  I can tell your tummy really hurts.  Sometimes I want to cry too, because I can’t fix it for you. But this wont last forever and you will feel better soon.
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We’ve gone on lot’s of adventures this month: we went to the Aquarium when Aunt Dee came to visit and almost every day we go out for a walk. You spend a lot of time on me in the carrier, or in your stroller. You’ve gotten so accustomed to riding around in the car that you automatically move in all the right ways to help me buckle you into your car seat – unless, of course, you’re mad and don’t want to go in the car.

It’s amazing to me how smart you are already.  You have a bright future ahead of you.

I’m so curious about you and the person you will become.  Will you be introverted or extroverted?  Light-hearted or serious? Creative or mechanical – or both?  It doesn’t matter which way you are on any of these questions. It’s like when I wondered whether your hair will be brown or blonde before you were born. I’m just so curious.  I’m so excited about the life ahead of you, and watching you grow into a lovely young woman.
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Meanwhile, I still can’t get enough of watching you, even while you sleep.

Love,

Mommy

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Dear Gem – Month 1

It’s hard to believe that it has been a month since you were born.  I’ve been waiting my whole life to do what I’ve been doing this past month, mothering you.

baby feetWe had been hoping and trying to have a baby for almost five years when you were born, you are truly a miracle and a dream come true. We marveled at your tiny toes, your long, thick brown hair and your little button nose.  Daddy’s eyes are a bluish grey and my eyes are denim blue, but your eyes are the exact color of fresh blueberries. You and I have the exact same worry line running straight up from our right eyebrows and the same widow’s peak hairlines. You have a point on one of your fairy ears that rounds out a little bit more every day.  I wish I had taken a picture of it on the day you were born because soon it will be gone.  Until then, each day I have to resist the urge to nibble on it – it is just so cute. I am going to miss this little ear point when you get older.

Your arrival has turned our world upside down, and we couldn’t be happier.  I don’t sleep any more even though the conventional wisdom tells me that I should sleep when you sleep.  But you only sleep during the day time, and I’m so enamored with you that I spend the time you are sleeping sitting here and watching you sleep. Or studying for school.  Or writing in my blog. Or washing your clothes. Or cleaning the house. Or trying to remember to feed myself. Oh, never mind. None of those things are as important as the time I spend with you.

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I have discovered that there is no time in which I have felt more content than when you sleep on my chest.  All the pressures of the world melt away and I am able to relax in those quiet moments we have together.

I love your little squeaks and grunts, and the fact that you growl at my breasts while you’re eating. I cant wait till you start to coo and giggle, I can already imagine the sound of your laugh.  You make sounds all the time, even in your sleep.  You make faces in your sleep too, and that is when you smile the most.  I wonder what you dream about.  What thoughts are running through your little head.  What is it that triggers that beautiful smile.  Your entire face lights up, it must be more than just gas.  Whatever it is, it must make you feel really good. infant feet

About the name Gem. You already have a bunch of nicknames with family and friends: I call you Squeak, Daddy calls you Angel, Uncle Timmy calls you Piglet, Aunt Dee calls you Veve. I wanted a different nickname for you that would be for the world to use. Why? Well there is the issue of protecting your identity, even though your real name has already been shared with the world.  There is the fact that Mommies can be embarrassing when they tell people all the cute, silly, stupid things you do – and to have a Mommy Blogger who puts it in print and shares it with the world must be worse.  Maybe an alias can be a bit of a boundary, a little something, even if only in name, to buffer the real you from the rest of the world.  But whatever we do, lets pretend like it has nothing to do with the fact that Genevieve is too long a name to type all the time and Mommy’s lazy – Because, like it or not, you don’t get to use that excuse when it comes time to learn how to write your name.  Get used to it.  Mommy is mean like that.

I love you, Baby Girl.

Mommy

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Dear Baby Girl

Dear Baby Girl

Dear Baby Girl,

In exactly three months you are scheduled to make your grand entrance into this world, although the actual timing of that event is more up to you than any doctor’s calculations.  I’m scared and excited all at the same time.  I can’t wait to meet you, to hold you, to see you snuggled in your father’s arms.

Last night we went to our first childbirth class and watched a video of a woman going through labor and giving birth.  I cried.  I don’t think that was the intent of the movie, but it moved me.  Somebody once said that parenting is deciding to allow your heart to walk around outside of your body.  That’s probably the closest to how I felt watching that movie.  Like it would be my heart, right there in my arms; tangible and real and fragile.

There is so much that I hope for you.  I hope you will learn to think for yourself rather than just parroting the views and opinions others.  I hope you will understand and value the difference between fact and opinion.  I hope you will learn to process information and to see through the hype and sensationalism that is so prevalent in our world.  I hope you will understand the love trumps hate, no matter what, even if the haters claim to be representing God.  I hope you will learn that you are responsible for your own happiness and that you can’t just sit around feeling sorry for yourself and waiting for happiness to land on your doorstep.  You have to get out there.  You have to make friends and go to them rather than waiting for them to magically materialize. I hope you realize that feeling sorry for yourself only makes you feel more sorry for yourself. I hope you learn to value people for their differences rather than trying to change them to be more like you.  I hope you learn to value yourself, and at a much younger age than I did.  I’m still learning that lesson.  I hope you learn the difference between having an understanding of where you stand with others, and worrying about what they think of you.  Don’t worry about what they think of you.

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those that matter don’t mind.

That quote came from Dr. Seuss, an author with whom you will become very familiar.  It’s a short quote with a very big idea.  One that I still have trouble dealing with because the truth is, sometimes the people that matter do mind.  Sometimes the people who mind are are people you love, and it hurts when they love you for who they want you to be instead of loving you for who you are.  I’m going to make a promise right now.  I’m going to love you for who you are, whoever that turns out to be.

Love,

Mama

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