How to Juggle Cancer and Parenting: Angela Bass’ Story

How to Juggle Cancer and Parenting: Angela Bass’ Story

Age at diagnosis:
31
Diagnosis Date:
Aug 2011
Type of Cancer: 
Breast cancer – Stage 2B/3A Invasive Ductal Carcinoma
with lymph node involvement, Her2 positive, highly aggressive
stage at diagnosis: 
Stage 2b
Treatment Plan:
adjuvant chemotherapy, double mastectomy, expanders,
followed by gated radiation & an additional 6 months
of Herceptin infusions
Current Status: 
NED, baby!!

Angela Bass
How did you tell your kids about the cancer diagnosis?
I told my 3,3 and 4 year olds that Mommy was going to be sick for the Fall and will feel better in the Spring. We explained that Grandma was going to stay with us for awhile so she could play with them while I was at doctor appointments.

How did your kids respond?
They responded REALLY well. We made the head-shaving day into a party. We took tons of pictures and my kids helped pick pictures for my cancer blog.

What are some things you did that worked really well for your family with regards to dealing with the cancer, and treatment, while raising children?
I told them what I knew. I didn’t overload them with information. I faked it.
After the first treatment, I knew I would not be very active about 2-3 days after treatment. I would tell them that I was going to chemo and that I would be ready to play with them in 2 days. Until then, my husband and my mom kept them busy at the park or on day trips. They didn’t really ever see me sick.

Is there anything you wish you’d done differently?
Nope.

How did the impact of cancer change as time passed, and your children grew? Did it change?
Right now, they are obsessed with cancer ribbons and people with cancer. They are caring. They are blissfully unaware that I may have a recurrence one day. I think they think everyone goes through this at one point in their lives.

Do you have concerns about the long term impact of your cancer on your children?
I’m afraid I will die of cancer and my children will lose their mother.

What advice would you give to other moms who are diagnosed with cancer?
Be honest, but keep details to a minimum. Don’t talk about dying.
Keep the kids out of the Oncologist’s office, chemo room, etc. They don’t need to see or remember that.
Spend as much time cuddling your kids as possible even though you may not feel like it.
They are feeding off you. They sense your fear and they need to know that you’re still there.

What concerns or fears troubled you the most?
repeat scans, aches and pains

How did you deal with those fears?
honesty, anti-anxiety meds, blogging

Have those fears and concerns changed over time?
I don’t worry as much. I reach out to God when I start to worry.
I appreciate every day.

What was your best moment?
Finding out they got all the bad cells out during my mastectomy.

What did you do to take care of you? How did you splurge on yourself?
I didn’t really do anything. I wasn’t in the mood for much, other than a little shopping here and there.

Were you able to get help from friends and family members while you were going through treatment?
Yes! My neighbors set up a meal train, Pink Daisy helped me a ton and my mom stayed with us to help me with the kids so my husband could still work.

Was it difficult to ask for help? Do you have any suggestions around the topic of asking for help?
I was horrible about asking for help. I have no idea how to do it gracefully.

Did you have an online resource that helped you through this experience?
just google, I googled EVERYTHING

Did cancer/treatment impact your relationship with your spouse/partner?
It made our marriage stronger; he’s my biggest cheerleader.

Do you have any relationship advice for young moms dealing with cancer?
Be patient. Your family isn’t psychic and they have no idea what you are going through mentally and physically. When you feel like exploding, take a deep breath. They’re trying….and this is probably harder on them than it is on you.

What is something you wish your friends and family members understood about your cancer and its impact on your life? What would you tell the friends and family members of other mom’s diagnosed with cancer? What would you want them to know about what she’s about to go through, and how best they can support her?
No one understands the constant fears that are always in the back of your mind. Every ache, cough, pain may be a sign that the beast is back.
Just because you have completed treatment, it’s never really over.

Were there any cancer-related activities or events in which you participated that you think were especially helpful to you or members of your family?
The Susan G Komen walk in Minneapolis was amazing! The amount of survivors and supporters was such an inspiration. I will go yearly!

Are there any resources that you recommend?
my blog!
I talk to tons of people who are undergoing cancer treatments. I have had almost 150,000 page views in a little over a year.
It’s amazing how many people reach out to the internet to find answers and someone to relate to.
I blogged from the day I was diagnosed and posted pics throughout the entire process.

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You can find more on the How to Juggle Cancer and Parenting Series here:

manage cancer and parenting

How to Juggle Cancer and Parenting: Kathy Stokes’ Story

How to Juggle Cancer and Parenting: Kathy Stokes’ Story

Age at diagnosis: 46 Diagnosis Date: Sept 2012
Type of Cancer: Breast cancer – poorly differentiated invasive ductile
carcinoma. stage I category III
Stage at Diagnosis: Stage 1
Treatment Plan: Bilateral mastectomy with reconstruction, Chemo 20
weeks followed by 42 add’l weeks with herceptin every 3 weeks

How to Juggle Cancer and Parenting: Kathy Stokes' Story

 

How did you tell your kids about the cancer diagnosis?

Explained that we have millions of cells in our bodies and that sometimes some of them go bad. When they stick together they create a tumor. That tumor is cancer. Docs don’t know how we get cancer but they know how to get rid of it. Told them it’s no one’s fault and that it wasn’t contagious. Asked them what questions they had, and we’ve been talking regularly (not scheduled).

How did your kids respond?

11 year old twins. Son had several spot on questions (How do you know it’s even there?) and my daughter shut down. Couldn’t stop crying but wouldn’t talk. I told her that when she wanted to ask anything that I’d answer as best as I could. I told her I loved her. By the end of the day she was her normal self.

What are some things you did that worked really well for your family with regards to dealing with the cancer, and treatment, while raising children?

I’m divorced but asked my ex to be there to tell the kids. That was a big support mechanism in the sense of “we’re fighting this as a family.” Humor works really well with my kids. It opens them up. Eg, at dinner, daughter asks, “Dad, can I have another chicken breast?” shortly after my surgery. Then she turned to me and said, “Sorry, mom.” And I said, “That’s ok. I’ll have two!” Laughter all around.

Do you have concerns about the long term impact of your cancer on your children?

I do. This is a lot for them to withstand, but if I make it through, which I fully intend, they will have matured in a hard but positive way.

What advice would you give to other parents who are diagnosed with cancer?

Be as straight as you can to you kids in the conversation. Tell them what you know them capable of handling. Line up support and tell them you all have backup whenever you need it. Make sure their lives go on as normally as possible through treatment. Don’t let them skip ballet or a music lesson. And tell them as much as they can stand to hear it that you love them.

What concerns or fears troubled you the most?

How my kids would react. And chemo without a partner to help me, and the need to protect my kids from the hard stuff.

How did you deal with those fears?

I continue to see a therapist weekly. Hugely helpful.

Have those fears and concerns changed over time?

Still working on it

What was your darkest moment?

Haven’t had it yet. If I did, it must not have been that bad.

Did you have an online resource that helped you through this experience?

On how to talk to kids: http://www.tellingkidsaboutcancer.com/

I joined a private FB community, but honestly, it was too depressing and everyone was so angry. So not a ton of help.

Did cancer/treatment impact your relationship with your spouse/partner?

Ex-spouse. Nope, it’s as dysfunctional as it’s always been

Are there any resources that you recommend?

Look Good Feel Better

What are some solutions you found to practical problems of combining cancer treatment with raising young children?

My kids are 11 so the biggest thing was lining up help from friends to drive them when needed, have them over after school, etc.

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You can find more on the How to Juggle Cancer and Parenting Series here:

manage cancer and parenting