So, about this breast cancer diagnosis…

So, about this breast cancer diagnosis…

I’ve been thinking about the direction and purpose of my blog in relation to this  breast cancer diagnosis. When I first found out I was pregnant with my daughter, I swore I would not let CoffeeJitters turn into a mommy blog. It took about a month to figure out that idea was a little ridiculous. My daughter is just about the only thing I write about any more.

I suspect over the coming months cancer will continue to consume my thoughts as it has this month, and that’s bound to have an effect on my choice of topics for posting. On the other hand, writing about my daughter makes me happy. Cancer, not so much.

Although there has been some pressure to use CoffeeJitters as a clearing house for my cancer updates, I would like to reserve this blog (and facebook) for me, for what I want to write about. To avoid allowing CoffeeJitters to become cancer central, I’m setting up a site through http://www.lotsahelpinghands.com where I will post updates on my condition as well as details about help we will be needing on issues such as housekeeping, child care, transportation, and meal prep. Please contact me directly if you would like access to that site.

That said, here is a quick update on what’s going on: The mass has grown to 8 cm. It is a combination of two kinds of cancer: Ductal Carcinoma in Situ and Invasive Ductal Carcinoma. There is no good cancer, but the first kind is preferable as it stays in one place, while the invasive cancer, well, invades other areas. From the images, they can not determine what percentage of the cancer is in situ and how much is invasive. They won’t know exactly what stage I’m in or what the prognosis is until they operate. So far it looks as though the cancer has kept to the breast although a few of the lymph nodes look suspicious. The condition of those lymph nodes will be the most important factor in determining the stage of the cancer and prognosis. So step one is the mastectomy (which we are still working on scheduling) which is both the primary treatment for the disease as well as providing more diagnostic information.

I’m not declaring the blog a cancer free zone, I’ll probably write about it from time to time. Breast cancer that strikes women under the age of 40 tends to be particularly aggressive. Additionally, these women often have very young children they are raising. When we think of breast cancer, we usually think of grandmas, not women who have to suddenly wean their infant because the breast is going to be removed. This is a whole new demographic of women challenged by breast cancer that has received little attention. I’m sure I’ll be writing on this topic from time to time.

Meanwhile, rest assured that I am eating my vegetables, exercising, and researching all the different options available to me.

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You can learn more about my cancer story here:

my cancer story | Judy Schwartz Haley

 

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Dear Gem – Month 11

Dear Gem – Month 11

In two weeks you will be one year old. Today you are walking and have a handful of words in your vocabulary.

A year ago I was on bedrest, and still worried you might be born too early. You have always been in a bit of a hurry, even before you were born. I went into labor the first time with you nearly 7 weeks early. It took a week in the hospital and the intervention of a crew of doctors and nurses. They gave us steroids to strengthen your lungs and another drug to slow the contractions, and it worked. You still showed up 18 days early, but by then the interventions had strengthened your lungs and you had gained enough weight to thrive on your own. You made your arrival perfectly healthy, and strong, and beautiful.

Genevieve - CoffeeJitters.Net

Your physical development has been fun to watch and can be tracked through the many photos we’ve taken this past year, but it’s the development of your character that is most amazing to me. You are so curious. You want to learn and explore everything. You don’t just quickly glance at a new item, you study it, turning it over and over in your hand upside-down, sideways, inside-out.

Last night you spent hours with Daddy’s keys. Sure you spent a little time shaking them and enjoying the jangle, but most of that time was spent examining each individual key; turning it over and over, feeling the smooth edge and the rough edge, tasting it (yuck). There was a spiral notebook near you and each key as it was examined was tried in each of the slots along the binding of the spiral note book. Every single key. Not only are you curious and studious, you are almost scientific in your methodology.

baby on a swing - CoffeeJitters.Net

 

Every day I marvel at how lucky I am that I get to be your Mommy; that I get to spend every day watching you grow and learn, and that I’m on the receiving end of all those smiles and hugs and kisses.

We got some really scary news last week. Mommy has breast cancer. But I’m going to fight this. You’re going to watch me kick cancer’s butt. And at the same time, I’m going to make sure that you get all the attention and hugs and kisses and learning opportunities that you need to grow up strong and confident and healthy. We’ll get through this baby girl; you and me and Daddy.

Your smiles and giggles are the best medicine for me.

I love you

Mommy

Read more Letters to Gem.

You can learn more about my cancer story here:

my cancer story | Judy Schwartz Haley

 

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March of Dimes

March of Dimes

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My brain stopped working when the words Neonatal Intensive Care Unit came out of the doctors mouth. I sat on the exam table in my paper gown, strapped to monitors spitting out ticker-tapes, and tried to unhear those words. This is not an eventuality for which I had prepared myself. All those nights I stayed up worrying about things that could go wrong with this pregnancy, and I forgot to worry about preterm birth. The pregnant brain does funny things.

Terrible back pain had kept me up the previous night, I thought I must have a doozy of a pinched nerve. After that sleepless night, something told me I had better double check my list of warning signs, and sure enough back pain warranted a call to the consulting nurse. The nurse didn’t seem too concerned about it, but I was 33 weeks pregnant and, since it was the weekend, she thought I should stop in to Labor and Delivery to have them take a look, rather than waiting till Monday for a regular doctor visit.

I truly thought we would go in, wait forever to see the doctor, they would pronounce me a hypochondriac, and we would go out for dinner before going home.

Well, we did wait forever to see the doctor. When we got there, they got us right in to a triage room. They attached two monitors to my belly, one for the baby’s heartbeat, and the other for my contractions.

“Hey look, you just had a contraction.”

I did? I didn’t feel a thing. That’s right, sometimes labor sneaks up on you.

The nurse’s aid showed me how to read the tapes, the line with the spikes was my daughter’s heartbeat, the rolling hills were the contractions. And then she left. And we waited, and watched the spikes and rolling hills draw across a growing pile of paper. Until an alarm went off – my little one had moved away from the monitor. The nurse came in and repositioned the monitor and left. The alarm went off this way several times, and even went off once because the monitor ran out of paper. Finally, the doctor made her appearance.

She talked to us for a while, asked a lot of questions, then she did an exam. I was one centimeter dilated so she wanted to check me again in an hour to see if there was any change. So we waited and watched the ticker-tape some more. By now I had already learned how to move the monitor myself to chase my baby as she made her rounds of my womb. After an hour and a half, the doctor returned to check me again and see if we could get out of there and finally get something to eat. That’s when she started dropping words like preterm labor and Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. In 90 minutes I dilated an additional 2 centimeters.

This baby was trying to make her appearance seven weeks early.

The plan was to give me a shot of steroids today and another tomorrow. This would strengthen her lungs to help improve her survivability if she was born in the next couple of days. They started me on niphedipine to help slow down the process of labor, and they hooked up an IV of antibiotics to help guard against infection. In addition to the drugs, I was to stay flat on my back. Gravity, they have learned, has a role to play in moving labor along.

We were given plenty of time to digest this information as we waited for a room in the antepartum unit. I stayed in the hospital for eight days. In that time, I met several other expectant mothers with complicated pregnancies, most in much more dire circumstances than mine. One mother’s water broke at 20 weeks, another young woman had been airlifted to Seattle from Yakima, she didn’t speak English and had been in the hospital for over a month. Each mother’s story was heartbreaking and terrifying.

I know how lucky I am. Once things stabilized and my daughter reached a gestational age at which her birth would not be life threatening, they sent me home from the hospital with strict orders for bed rest. And bed rest, in this case, means flat on your back. I stayed pregnant, and in bed, for another 3 weeks. My daughter was born at 37 weeks, three weeks early, but perfectly healthy.

Amazing advances have been made in techniques for for saving the lives of infants born too soon. My daughter did not need to take advantage of them because of the amazing advances that have also been made in helping to prevent preterm birth. Thanks to the care we received, my daughter was born strong enough to breathe on her own.

For all these advances we’ve made, the United States still has a deplorable rate of preterm birth, birth defects, and infant mortality as compared to other nations around the world. This situation is particularly bad in Texas, Tennessee, North Carolina, and Oklahoma. We’ve made amazing advances, but there is so much more to be done.

Today I’m taking a moment to thank the March of Dimes for everything they do to help prevent birth defects and preterm birth.

And if you’re pregnant and your back hurts, talk to your doctor right away.