A circle of women

A circle of women

A circle of women.

28 women, all whom I adore.

28 women finding ways to squeeze the day, every day, while living with cancer and it’s after effects.

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Every year we converge on this little retreat center in the woods, on the edge of the canal.

Every year we laugh, we cry, we eat, drink, and dance,

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We challenge each other, we hold each other up.

And even more importantly, we rest, and we are cared for.

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Every year I come back home feeling two inches taller.

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P.S. This year, I brought a spare camera and handed it over to the group, asking them to take pictures as well. I’m so glad I did. I came home with pictures that were complete surprises to me, and this year, I was so engaged in just being present that I hardly took any pictures at all. Thanks so much to my friends for picking up the slack.

P.P.S. The link in the first line will take you to the poem I read at the retreat. It resonated so profoundly with so many of us, and I received many requests for copies. (I’m not affiliated with the writer of the poem, but when you write stuff this good, it deserves a link.)

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WW linky is on page 2.

Friends

Friends

Have you ever watched little kids make friends? It blows me away with it’s simplicity and straightforwardness. They just run up and start playing together. No introductions necessary. No concern over who lives in what kind of house, or wears designer labels, or whose mom drives what kind of car. Shame and embarrassment and comparison? All that comes later. Much too soon, sadly.

In the meantime, I’m learning from this kind of authenticity.

holding hands

This is my daughter and her cousin, caught up in “I’m so happy to be here with you, I just wanna hold your hand.”

So precious.

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for Michele

for Michele

She would have appreciated the fact that she died at 4:20 on April Fools Day. That was our Meesh: If you can’t change the inevitable, then you might as well find a way to have fun with it.

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We can also thank her for the fact that for a couple hours at her memorial service, that church housed more boob jobs than a porn convention. That would be us, her sisters in this breast cancer sorority none of us wanted to join; a sorority from which we all gain so much strength and comfort, and even joy.

Most of the time, we don’t pay attention to the way people look at us when we are out together: the surprise when they find out we all have breast cancer, followed by the sad eyes when they realize we are all going to die. We look so normal. We’re smiling, and laughing. How can we be laughing?

The truth is that we are all going to die. So are you. Some of us just happen to be on an accelerated schedule. That’s where Michele’s wisdom helped me the most. Michele had a way of telling her story so that it didn’t terrify the newly diagnosed girls. She would spin the story each time, so it came out with a message, a little moral or lesson to tie up the anecdote like the “you see, Timmy” at the end of each episode of Lassie. She didn’t preach, she just showed us how to call bullshit on bullshit, how to advocate for yourself, how to pick up and move on, and how to focus on what you can change, and how to spend your time and energy on what really matters.

During the service, the Pastor shared Michele’s words. I didn’t write them down as he was speaking, so I must paraphrase, but they really stuck with me:

“Don’t wast your time on people who suck your soul out of you. Life is too short. Invest your life in what matters, because in the end, what doesn’t matter… doesn’t matter.”

I’m still angry that she’s gone. I’m still angry that her young daughters will grow up without her. But Michele would not want us to allow our anger or sadness to diminish the richness of our lives.  Michele put so much love and energy and strength and wisdom out into the world; her influence lives on through all of us. Robert Holden said “the real work of our life is to love and be loved,” and the best way we can honor Michele’s memory is to do just that.

Thank you, Meesh, I’m a stronger woman for knowing you.

Embracing right now

Embracing right now

I am happy. Right now. This minute while I’m typing these words.

embracing right now - CoffeeJitters.Net

It’s a little odd, I think, how seldom I recognize my own joy in the moment. I remember having been happy, but I seldom stop and think: “Wow. I’m really happy right now.” For me, the camera plays into the equation. I can really get lost in a moment with my camera, light, shadow, colors, movement, texture, and a certain twinkle in the eye. I can get lost in my happy little image world and have a perfectly lovely time. Hours, days, or even weeks later, as I’m editing the photos, I discover just how awesome the event really was.

Embracing Right Now

Life is full of beautiful moments, moments where the beauty is not in the image, but in the experience. Sometimes I let myself think that a moment must be documented to be real or precious. Not true. Building memories is important, but the initial experience is more important than each time it’s remembered.

Sometimes, I have to just put the camera down, and join the party myself. Even better – hand the camera over to someone else and let them capture me in the moment.

embracing right now - CoffeeJitters.Net

I still enjoy photography, but I have to remember not to let it replace interacting with my friends and family.

What about you? What can you do to embrace right now?

I was selected for this opportunity as a member of Clever Girls Collective, and the content and opinions expressed here are all my own.

Traveling Companions

The second anniversary of my cancer diagnosis is quickly approaching. Of course it has me thinking. A lot. Not all the thoughts are happy thoughts, but that just comes with the territory.

But some of those thoughts are happy thoughts. Warm, fuzzy, happy thoughts. Like the girls I met because I have cancer.

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These are women I would have been proud to count among my friends even before diagnosis, but I can’t imagine a scenario in which I would have met any of them outside of cancer.

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This weekend a group of us traveled to New Orleans to a conference for young women with breast cancer. We learned about treatment protocols, late effects of treatment, nutrition, dealing with the impact of cancer treatment in the bedroom, and myriad other topics, and we got to spend time with other women whose lives have been similarly impacted.

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Good times, good music, good food, good company…

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I think the people with whom we surround ourselves have a huge influence on our happiness. Sure, we all have those people around whom we have to tiptoe and walk on eggshells, but we can dilute their influence with so many more amazing people, people who lift us up and love us for who we really are. I’m so blessed to have such amazing friends – that they understand what I’m going through with cancer because they’ve been there too just makes it that much better.

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I’m a very lucky woman.

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Of course I still worry about how many years I have left, but even more important than the number of trips you make around the sun is your traveling companions along the way.

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You can learn more about my cancer story here:

my cancer story | Judy Schwartz Haley

 

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