In two weeks you will be one year old. Today you are walking and have a handful of words in your vocabulary.
A year ago I was on bedrest, and still worried you might be born too early. You have always been in a bit of a hurry, even before you were born. I went into labor the first time with you nearly 7 weeks early. It took a week in the hospital and the intervention of a crew of doctors and nurses. They gave us steroids to strengthen your lungs and another drug to slow the contractions, and it worked. You still showed up 18 days early, but by then the interventions had strengthened your lungs and you had gained enough weight to thrive on your own. You made your arrival perfectly healthy, and strong, and beautiful.
Your physical development has been fun to watch and can be tracked through the many photos we’ve taken this past year, but it’s the development of your character that is most amazing to me. You are so curious. You want to learn and explore everything. You don’t just quickly glance at a new item, you study it, turning it over and over in your hand upside-down, sideways, inside-out.
Last night you spent hours with Daddy’s keys. Sure you spent a little time shaking them and enjoying the jangle, but most of that time was spent examining each individual key; turning it over and over, feeling the smooth edge and the rough edge, tasting it (yuck). There was a spiral notebook near you and each key as it was examined was tried in each of the slots along the binding of the spiral note book. Every single key. Not only are you curious and studious, you are almost scientific in your methodology.
Every day I marvel at how lucky I am that I get to be your Mommy; that I get to spend every day watching you grow and learn, and that I’m on the receiving end of all those smiles and hugs and kisses.
We got some really scary news last week. Mommy has breast cancer. But I’m going to fight this. You’re going to watch me kick cancer’s butt. And at the same time, I’m going to make sure that you get all the attention and hugs and kisses and learning opportunities that you need to grow up strong and confident and healthy. We’ll get through this baby girl; you and me and Daddy.
Your smiles and giggles are the best medicine for me.
I keep meaning to play along with MamaKat and her weekly writing workshops, but I never seem to be able to make it happen. Then this prompt came along, and I decided it was time to put in print all those excuses floating around in my head.
3.) What have you been busy doing that’s keeping you from updating your blog? How hard is it for you to get back into the swing of blogging when you take time off? (inspired by Sera)
The first, and most obvious, excuse is my 2 month old daughter. I knew long before she was born that she would consume my time and energy, but what you know in theory does not always match the magnitude of what happens in reality. I just don’t have the time. I really don’t know how women parent their children, manage their home, and then find the wherewithal to hold down a job too. I’m lucky to get a blog post in a couple times a week. (yes, I know that stay at home moms work – I am a stay at home mom, and I’m having trouble keeping up with the work load. Trust me, I know that stay at home moms work.)
Another big thing that’s holding me back from posting is that I don’t know what this blog is about anymore. I’ve been thinking a lot about this blog, why it exists, and what I’m trying to do with it. Since Gem came along, I write most every post with her in mind. In fact, even the posts that are not directed at her or about her, are usually written for her in some way. I’m beginning to think of this blog as one big ongoing letter to my child that I just happen to be sharing with the general public. I have this idea that if anything happened to me, she would have this blog – something in my own words that tells her who I am, what I believe, what I care about, what I value… I’m not planning on having anything happen to me, but there’s something comforting about knowing that I have something to leave behind for her, just in case. But this blog is more than that as well. It’s also a public platform, it’s an opportunity to interact online with others like me, it’s writing practice, it’s a soapbox… Which takes me back to being a little confused about what this blog is really about.
Then there is the big issue of confidence, or the lack thereof. I write posts all the time and then delete them before before publishing. There are so many reasons for this. I worry that my writing skills are not up to par. I worry that people will get tired of so many pictures of my daughter. I worry that I have nothing to worthwhile to say. I worry about the reactions of my family members who are so offended by my studies and beliefs regarding politics and organized religion. That old Seuss quote about “Be who you are and say what you mean because those who matter don’t mind, and those who mind don’t matter” doesn’t help any when those who mind are your family. But then I think of my daughter again – what would I want her to do? Do I want her to sensor herself to please those who do not value her perspective or insight? Absolutely not. So why do I do it myself? What kind of example am I providing? AND What happens if someday her beliefs are different than mine? Will I be offended by her writings? On a theoretical level, I believe that would not be a problem. I really hope that I can live up to that in reality. Of course I’d like her values and beliefs to match mine – I value what I value for a reason. On the other hand, I would rather she had well researched values and beliefs of her own rather than just parroting what her parents (and teachers and preachers) taught.
Then after all that cogitating, I’m just too exhausted to write.
I didn’t feel pretty while I was growing up. I’m not making this statement as a complaint, simply stating a fact: I didn’t feel pretty. I wasn’t quite a tomboy either, as I was much too clumsy to shoulder that label. I was smart, but smart didn’t make me any points at the christian school I attended, nor at church. Smart actually proved to be a problem in those environments.
There were a few moments I felt pretty as a teenager and young adult. Some young man tells me I’m pretty, and every once in a while I would believe it. This wasn’t a good thing, either. I was young, insecure, and desperately wanted to be accepted – as a result I was easily manipulated and, on occasion, used.
This week’s topic on the Beautiful Like Me project is What person or people are the most influential about how you feel about yourself? Who influences you the most to feel beautiful?
This is a tough topic for me. While I have memories that help to explain why I didn’t feel pretty (let’s face it, kids are mean), I have very little to draw on for positive influences on my self image. Yet for some reason, somewhere during my adulthood I started to feel pretty. Why is that? What caused my to turn my self image around? A makeover? New clothes? Extreme weight loss?
None of the above.
Confidence
It was confidence. I got comfortable in my own skin, learned to accept what I’ve got and make the best of it. I still have bad days but I have learned that there is a powerful link between my confidence – in any area of my life – and my self image. I actually felt pretty while I was nine months pregnant. It goes the other way as well. If I wake up with a giant zit on my chin, it can take a toll on my confidence at work or school.
For me the answer to the question of the day is myself. While it’s true that my husband can make me feel like a knock out, really it’s my own attitude and confidence that makes a difference on a daily basis on how I feel about how I look.
I look at my daughter and I wonder how to help her through this issue. I want her to believe she is beautiful, and I tell her she is all the time. On the other hand, I don’t want her to put too much value in superficial qualities. We joke about how describing a woman as having a great personality means that she is not good looking. But a great personality is so much more important and will get you so much further in life than superficial beauty.
I hope to raise a young lady who is confident and happy, who knows how to make friends and feels good about herself. If she happens to be gorgeous (of course she’ll be gorgeous), well that’s ok too.
Check out the other blogs that are participating in this project:
The Beautiful Like Me Project was started to discuss self-esteem and body image in today’s youth. WickedStepMom, Tricia at Shout, and Amy at FiveFlowerMom – along with several other bloggers – are tackling this issue over the next few Mondays.
This weeks question: “What do today’s children and teens feel pressured to imitate? Why?”
“Choose your friends wisely, they are what you become.”
I’m not sure where I first heard that quote, but it’s proven itself to be true in my own life. This is true not only of friends, but of family members, colleagues, and even celebrities.
Whenever I stop to think about it, I find it amazing how easily I am influenced. If I spend a few hours with someone with a bad attitude, my attitude starts to tank. While I never lived in the South, a visit below the Mason-Dixon line will leave me with a temporary Southern drawl. It’s not intentional, these things are picked up subconsciously.
Kids imitate those they perceive to be most powerful and respected by others. I do too. Those powerful and respected role models could be anyone from the straight A student, to the playground bully, to celebrity pop stars, and even, on occasion, mom and dad. The pressure to imitate these people is internal rather than external, it’s a survival of the fittest instinct. While kids often intentionally imitate others, just as often, the imitation occurs with no conscious intent at all. We do this without thinking.
So how can we help kids choose better role models? The first step is to help them see where they are imitating others rather than making independent choices. The second step is to encourage them to take a close look at who they are imitating, and decide whether that role model is appropriate for them or not. The third step is to encourage them to determine whether imitation, in this case, is a good idea. Imitation is not always bad, it’s how we learn everything from how to bake bread to how to make friends. However, we need to be conscious of who we are imitating and why. We also need to know when to stop imitating and to blaze our own trails.
Be a good friend and a good influence.
Ten years ago today, Rachel Scott was one of the Columbine High School students murdered in that massacre. Rachel left behind a beautiful legacy. Inspired by her diaries and an essay she wrote shortly before her death, Rachel’s friends and family formed an organization to carry on Rachel’s Challenge to start a chain reaction of good.
Through the course of today, many of us will pause to remember the Columbine tragedy. I encourage you to consider taking this moment to read Rachel’s essay and take Rachel’s Challenge. Understanding how easily people are influenced by each other, remind yourself to be an example of kindness. Rachel’s Challenge
Eliminate Prejudice by looking for the best in others
Why do women, particularly in America, tend to have such skewed body images? How do we raise our daughters to have a healthy self image? WickedStepMom, Tricia at Shout, and Amy at FiveFlowerMom – along with several other bloggers – are tackling this issue over the next few Mondays.
This Week’s Question:
“Does how we look at ourselves effect how the next generation looks at themselves?”
I’m new to the motherhood game, my daughter is only 15 days old, but I’ve put a lot of thought into this over the past nine months, particularly in light of being a mother and a role model. Personally, I think one of the most important things a parent can provide, after safety and nurturing, is a good example. I’ve been working on that lately. When faced with a conundrum, I ask myself “What would I want my daughter to do if she were in this situation?” And that’s what I do. It is surprising to me how often my actions are different after asking this question than they would have been otherwise.
This is particularly relevant when I look at myself. I have a bad habit of beating myself up. I look at the stretchmarks and sagging two weeks postpartum and I want to hide. My husband tells me I’m beautiful and I roll my eyes. I’m frustrated at myself for being nearly 40 and still not finished with my degree.
And then I think of my daughter.
How would I want her to treat herself if she found herself in this situation? I would want her to take care of herself, and honor the fact that pregnancy does change your body. I would want her to be able to see herself through a loving husband’s eyes, and appreciate that he finds her beautiful. I want her to see her own beauty. I want her to understand that while we are each the result of our own choices, choosing to beat yourself up over past choices is much more time consuming and less productive than learning from them and moving on.
Yes, I believe that how we look at ourselves affects the next generation. We are their role models. But in this case, I think I may end up learning just as much from my daughter.
What are your thoughts on this topic?
CoffeeJitters is an affiliate to a number of sites and services. I do not endorse products I don't love. I may receive compensation if you purchase items from links on this website.
. 
. 
. 
. 
. 
. 
. 
. 
. 
