It’s so very much like my daughter chasing these bubbles around the park – yet so [...]]]> Writing has been difficult lately. I feel like I’m chasing soap bubbles, and the moment I grasp a nugget, a train of thought, an approach, an angle, it disappears into nothingness before I can pin it to paper.

It’s so very much like my daughter chasing these bubbles around the park – yet so different.

First, I’m not having as much fun (I need to do something about that).

Second, my failure to grasp these bubbles, and manipulate them into a cohesive thesis, has consequenses.

Just a few more days, I can count it in hours now, till this semester is done. The last paper and final are friday; then I can exhale.

And then I can chase the bubbles just for fun.

WW Linkup
Every week I host a photo linkup where we share posts featuring a photo. It started out being called Wordless Wednesday, but… Bloggers? Wordless? Then we started calling it Wordy Wednesday. Now we just abreviate to WW, and you pick for yourself whether or not to get wordy.

Link up your photo post below to share, and we’ll be by to visit.

More Blogs Hosting WW Linkups

People ask me what my blog is about, and every time I pause. I know I’m supposed to have an elevator speech prepared, I guess it’s time I start thinking about that.

This blog has been through so many iterations. I started the first CoffeeJitters blog on LiveJournal back in 2001. It’s hard to [...]]]>

People ask me what my blog is about, and every time I pause. I know I’m supposed to have an elevator speech prepared, I guess it’s time I start thinking about that.

This blog has been through so many iterations. I started the first CoffeeJitters blog on LiveJournal back in 2001. It’s hard to believe it’s been more than ten years since that first blog post. A lot has changed over that decade.

CoffeeJitters has been a single girl making her way in the world blog, a wedding blog, an infertility blog, a photography blog, a quitting my job and going back to school full time blog, a wow! I’m pregnant! blog, a mommy blog, a cancer blog, and a trying to relearn how to dream after cancer blog.

Mostly, it’s a love letter to my daughter and husband, and an ongoing autobiography. It is my story, and my practice honing my voice. It is my chance to be heard.

I think in a way, that’s what a lot of us bloggers are doing. I keep picturing all the bloggers of the world at their computers furiously typing away in a clackity-clack version of the Whos that Horton heard, yelling at the top of their lungs, “We Exist!”

Blogging allows us to make our mark on the world. To show that we exist. To have a voice and have it heard. To contribute to the ongoing story of the human race.

My studies recently have centered a great deal around women’s history throughout the world, and the difficulty involved in truly understanding what a woman’s life was like. Mens stories were recorded, by men. Women’s stories… not so much.

I look at blogging in comparison to that and I think: what a gift we are leaving for future generations. Is there any comparable resource in history to the wide range of women’s stories now available? Sure, there’s a good deal of exaggeration. That also exists in our history books. But there is so much more variety of stories and lifestyles represented. I’m proud to be a part of this movement. I’m so happy that future generations will have such a wealth of information about their ancestors – us. (On second thought, maybe I’d better go clean up a few of my posts)

As I continued on my way to the meeting, the sunset intensified. Each time I pulled through [...]]]> I was running late for a meeting, but I just had to stop and capture a couple shots of this sunset. I pulled over alongside the lake, rolled down the passenger-side window, and clicked away.

As I continued on my way to the meeting, the sunset intensified. Each time I pulled through an intersection, the break between buildings revealed a different sky, full of different colors. It was changing by the second.  This was during rush hour traffic. I was looking around for a place to pull over so I could catch some more shots when I pulled off on a side street – and in to gridlock.  The sunset, of course, completely blocked by the concrete monstrosity of a building where the road curved in front of me.  Now, not only was I late for the meeting, I didn’t get that additional shot I was looking for, and I was trapped in place by traffic. Crap.

It occurred to me at this point that the sunset was not there to stress me out, or even for me to “capture” on film; it was there to bless my day. At that moment, a spot opened up for me to pull a U-turn and get back on my way, and the next break between buildings revealed the Space Needle, backlit by a fully fuchsia sky. Breathtaking. And just for me. I did not capture that shot of the sunset, but it did bless my day.

-

This has been an amazing week, full of wonderful news and new opportunities.  Much of it I can’t discuss just yet.  As if full-time school, cancer treatment, and motherhood were not enough, I’ve had a few writing gigs come my way as well.  I’m stealing this idea from The Bloggess and creating a regular post that will link to some of my other writing on a (hopefully) regular basis, as well as drawing your attention to other creators of awesomeness on the web.

Me: As seen on…

Goodies: Five Fabulous (and Inspirational) Bloggers – I was asked to highlight 5 amazing bloggers, and when I did, I used the opportunity to describe one of the coolest literary events I have ever experienced.

Awesome people who mentioned me (or linked to me) in their posts this week

Chookooloonks: seattle jazz trip: on the jason parker quartet, and what became one of the most beautifully different nights of my life – the amazing literary event I described above, from the perspective of the headlining author, the beautiful Karen Walrond.

My favorite reads from this week

THXTHXTHX: Dear Instances Where I Don’t Have My Camera – I came across this post when I got home last night, after my experience with the sunset.  Amazing. You see how that works?

Seattlest: An Interview with Nancy Pearl, Seattle’s Celebrity Librarian – Our libraries and librarians are so needed right now, and so underappreciated for the services they provide to our communities – and Nancy Pearl is a Seattle treasure.

The Pioneer Woman: Daisy the Dog – I love the Pioneer Woman, but I usually don’t highlight her because she already gets more hits than Google. However, this post reminded me of the cow I had when I was a kid. The one with the oh-so-clever name of Milky, who then calved, and I assigned the even-less-original moniker of Calfy for her offspring.  Yeah, my naming skills have improved since then. No, Milky and Calfy did not have this much access to the house.

Chatting at the Sky: 3 things to do when they don’t like your art – Another timely piece.  It’s hard to think of putting your work out there without thinking you’re putting yourself out there, but rejection comes with the territory. Here’s how to deal with it.

I am so excited about this challenge.

The group is actually on day 4 of the challenge and I just got started. I’m just going to start where the group [...]]]> I just joined an online challenge called 21*5*800 hosted by Bindu Wiles. 21 days. 5 days of yoga per week. 800 words per day.

I am so excited about this challenge.

The group is actually on day 4 of the challenge and I just got started. I’m just going to start where the group is, then add a few extra days at the end, probably just picking up the prompts I dropped from the first few days.

I’ve already decided that I while I intend to write my 800 words every day, I probably won’t share all of it, although I may share a portion. I want to get into a daily writing, and yoga, practice. I want to be able to be honest in my writing, and I have learned that I have to be much too careful about what I publish in this format. That said, today’s topic is relevant: Fear.

Fear has become a big part of my life since my breast cancer diagnosis. Fear of death? Certainly. Fear of pain? Oh, yes. Fear of being a burden on my family? Absolutely. Fear of the effects of my cancer on my one year old daughter? Terrifying.

I have found that the yoga helps. I’ve learned to breathe through the movements: the tough stretches, holding a challenging pose. That practice transfers to the uncomfortable and painful procedures. A deep breath and long slow exhale as I endure the poking and prodding makes all the difference. The pain is still there, but it is a bit more manageable. Focusing on my breath takes my focus away from the pain.

Fear takes me out of the present and puts me into the future – a future that is unknowable, yet my imagination tries it’s best to find every worst case scenario. Pain forces me into right now – so does my yoga practice. When I’m in now, what might happen doesn’t matter. Every moment has an infinity of possible outcomes.

When I’m seized by anxiety or panic, the yogic breathing can settle me down. Cleansing breath: long, slow exhale opens up more space in the lungs for a deeper, fuller inhale. Raise the arms to expand the chest, then slowly lower them as I exhale. Before I know it, I’m focusing more on how my body feels and improving this critical function. The fear is still there, but it is a bit more manageable. Focusing on my breath takes my focus away from the fear.

That’s not to say that fear is unwarranted. I have an aggressive form of breast cancer that has spread to the lymph nodes, complicated by another rare form of cancer that has a pretty grim prognosis. This is not something I can ignore or wish away. I also cannot focus only on the present. I am submitting myself to these procedures and chemotherapy, sacrificing my comfort and well being in the present, because I fear what will happen if I don’t, and in hope of improving my well being in the future.

Fear and Hope.

What I need is balance.

That takes me back to yoga.

This picture was taken in February of 2008. The [...]]]> Yes, that’s right. While I generally try to avoid posting pictures of myself (except for the extremely rare occurrence of a flattering shot), and I especially try to avoid pictures of myself eating, it’s not everyday that I get to eat haggis with chopsticks.

This picture was taken in February of 2008. The event was Gung Haggis Fat Choy – a celebration that originated in Vacouver, B.C., to honor both Robbie Burns birthday and the Chinese New Year. Burns’ Suppers traditionally occur on Robbie Burns birthday, January 25, and the Chinese New Year begins any where from late January to mid-February. Often these holiday’s occur on the same night, and so they were combined into this one grand celebration in both Vancouver B.C., and Seattle.

The celebration includes performers representing each of the cultures (and some representing both), bagpipes, drums, dancers – both Scottish and Chinese – and of course, a dragon – and the traditional agenda of the Burns Supper: The Selkirk grace, the entrance of the haggis (the most important part, in which the haggis is “slain”), and then of course, eating to excess, drinking to excess, and dancing to excessively loud music.

Gung Haggis Fat Choy was not possible for us this year, but I’m already looking forward to next year.

……….

This my random February photo entry for Mama Kat’s Writing Workshop.

.

I [...]]]> I don’t know how many times I heard the above quote at the Write on the Sound writers’ conference last weekend, but it was definitely something I needed to hear. I write, and I write, and then I sit and don’t write because I think I can’t write. What I don’t do is re-write.

I suspect I’m not the only writer that combines this odd mix of arrogance and self-flagellation by thinking my first draft should be good enough, and beating myself up when it’s not. Is there a self help group? A pill? Perhaps I should paint in big bold red letters above my couch “IT’S JUST A DRAFT!“

I did get more out of the writer’s conference. It was my first one and I’m hooked. I got home and immediately went online to see if there were any more conferences coming up in the area.

And now I’m going to go ahead and hit publish on the first draft of this post. Really, I did learn that lesson. I also know that sometimes you’ve gotta just do it or it will never get done. It’s been a week since I posted anything in here, although I’m sitting on several posts that I’ve been re-writing. Life is a balance folks.

What writing issues are you working on?

Now with a little one on the way, I wondered [...]]]> Have you ever thought about making a living as a writer?  That thought has been a constant companion of mine for the past 25 years.  Yes, 25 years, and it was just about exactly one year ago that I actually started doing something about it.

Now with a little one on the way, I wondered if that dream would need to be postponed yet again.  I really shouldn’t be so quick to sacrifice my dreams yet again to cater to the needs of everyone else around me.  One of the things I most want to provide for my daughter is a good example.  I want my daughter to grow up looking up to a mother who is loving and kind and attentive, yes, but also self-actualized, intellectually stimulated, self-sufficient, engaging, happy, and living up to her potential.  I want to provide this example to my daughter because I wish these traits for her (in addition to the fact that I’m worth it, dammit).

Writer Mama, by Christina Katz, talks about how to get a writing career off the ground while you have small children in tow: start small while babies absorb so much of your attention and grow your business as your children gain greater degrees of independence and self-sufficiency.

Topics covered in the book include (among many others):

• how to manage writing time around caring for children
• how to deal with the “clips catch-22,” or how to get published if you’ve never been published
• the business of writing: queries, article submissions, contracts, negotiations
• managing your home and while managing your writing business
• how to conduct interviews
• editing and polishing your work

One of the hardest things to deal with for many who work from home, not just moms, is the fact that others tend to disrespect the time of the home worker.   When people pack up their briefcase and head off to the office, that work time is respected and to some extent, even sacred.  Those working from home seldom get the same respect unless they are very clear about setting their boundaries with others in advance.

Because of People Who Don’t Get It, if you are not good at setting boundaries with adults and children, you’re going to need to start practicing.  I suggest you start sooner rather than later. If you wait until you have a deadline looming to try to convince family members that your work matters and that you deserve support in gettting it done, you will be sorry (and probably late with your work too).

I’m really appreciating this book.  It is well organized so specific topical information is easy to find.  I suspect I will be consulting it regularly over the coming months and years.

What’s your favorite genre of writing?

creative non-fiction, essays, I want to be Erma Bombeck when I grow up

How often do you get writer’s block?

often, I have a tendency to feel like I have nothing of value to say, and when [...]]]> This writer’s meme was stolen from Write on Wednesday.

What’s your favorite genre of writing?

creative non-fiction, essays, I want to be Erma Bombeck when I grow up

How often do you get writer’s block?

often, I have a tendency to feel like I have nothing of value to say, and when I do have something to say, that what I have to offer will be offensive to those that I care about

How do you fix it?

I write it in my journal or I just swallow what ever it is that I’m most passionate about and then I do a meme or post pictures in my blog instead of being brave (note: I definitely do not recommend this to others)

Do you type or write by hand?

both, the more emotional the topic the better it is to write by hand, but technical writing is always composed right on the computer

Do you save everything you write?

not everything, but a pretty big percentage, I like to come back to it later, even the junk, and see if it inspires something else later on

Do you ever go back to an old idea long after you abandoned it?

see above.  I go back all the time, it’s amazing what I find that I hadn’t noticed before

Do you have a  constructive critic?

unfortunately no.  I’d really like to find that.  I have plenty of critics and I have lavish praisers, but no constructive feedback

Did you ever write a novel?

not yet, one of these days.

What genre would you love to write but haven’t?

science fiction

What’s one genre you have never written, and probably never will?

horror, I don’t like reading it, so I doubt I would write it

How many writing projects are you working on right now?

no idea, 2 or 3 that i actively work on, but there are thousands of projects on my harddrives just waiting for me to come back and finish

Do you write for a living? Do you want to?

I would love to make a living from writing, but it’s not paying the rent yet

Have you ever written something for a magazine or newspaper?

not yet

Have you ever won an award for your writing?

some blog awards, I don’t know if that counts

What are your five favorite words?

hope, silly, assiduous, engage, lounge

Do you ever write based on your dreams?

absolutely, maybe not the entire dream, but there’s a kernel in there that gets the ball rolling

Do you favour happy endings, sad endings, or cliff-hangers?

I’m a sucker for happy endings, I read to escape, I like reading to make me feel better, not worse

Have you ever written based on an artwork you’ve seen?

I haven’t tried that yet but it sounds like a good way to battle writer’s block