But some of those thoughts are happy thoughts. Warm, fuzzy, happy thoughts. Like the girls I met because I have cancer.

These [...]]]> The second anniversary of my cancer diagnosis is quickly approaching. Of course it has me thinking. A lot. Not all the thoughts are happy thoughts, but that just comes with the territory.

But some of those thoughts are happy thoughts. Warm, fuzzy, happy thoughts. Like the girls I met because I have cancer.

These are women I would have been proud to count among my friends even before diagnosis, but I can’t imagine a scenario in which I would have met any of them outside of cancer.

This weekend a group of us traveled to New Orleans to a conference for young women with breast cancer. We learned about treatment protocols, late effects of treatment, nutrition, dealing with the impact of cancer treatment in the bedroom, and myriad other topics, and we got to spend time with other women whose lives have been similarly impacted.

Good times, good music, good food, good company…

I think the people with whom we surround ourselves have a huge influence on our happiness. Sure, we all have those people around whom we have to tiptoe and walk on eggshells, but we can dilute their influence with so many more amazing people, people who lift us up and love us for who we really are. I’m so blessed to have such amazing friends – that they understand what I’m going through with cancer because they’ve been there too just makes it that much better.

I’m a very lucky woman.

Of course I still worry about how many years I have left, but even more important than the number of trips you make around the sun is your traveling companions along the way.

Add some bedazzled furnishings

A little finery, and a little wine

And a few cameras?

Well, for starters, you end up with some fun pictures…

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But more importantly, this event raised money for some pretty awesome organizations.

Get [...]]]> What happens when you take a few good friends

Add some bedazzled furnishings

A little finery, and a little wine

And a few cameras?

Well, for starters, you end up with some fun pictures…

. 

But more importantly, this event raised money for some pretty awesome organizations.

Get Hitched Give Hope brings together wedding related vendors from around the region, allowing the wedding party to meet the vendors, bid on wedding products and services, and plan their weddings while raising money for a great cause.  

Brilliant, really.

And Swanky.

Food, wine, flowers, rhinestones, and feathers…

Vendors were there to show off the best of what they have to offer

And the Young Survival Coalition (an organization which has been of immense help to me in my cancer battle) was one of the beneficiaries, along with The Dream Foundation, which grants wishes to adults in the last year of their battle with life threatening diseases.

Such an amazing event. And thanks to all these events in October, we’ve got a good jump on hitting our budget for next year.  But I’ve got to admit, I’m thankful that October is over; I’m exhausted, and ready for a two week nap.

Also, I think I’m going to try to get one of those photo booths for all my events in the future. That was fun!

Friday night we celebrated and raised money for the Young Survival Coalition with our annual silent [...]]]> It sounds cliche to say that women who have faced down a life-threatening diagnosis really know how to embrace life. It is cliche. It’s not even always true. But my girls? My friends? They know how to party.

Friday night we celebrated and raised money for the Young Survival Coalition with our annual silent auction and dance party, In Living Pink.

The silent auction was wildly successful, and boasted donated items such as massage certificates, white water rafting, sight seeing cruises and flights, art, event tickets, A NYC package including Letterman tickets, Seahawks gear – autographed by players, jewelry, restaurants, vacation packages, and too much more to list.

So what does all this money we’re raising go to? Here’s a few examples:

• $25 pays for a resource kit for young women newly diagnosed with breast cancer. This resource kit includes an organizer for tracking the onslaught of information that must be managed through treatment, an encouraging and helpful DVD “you are not alone,” a guide to services available to young women with cancer, and a chemo-hat – hand-knit by the mother of one of our members.
• $50 pays for flowers for one of our girls in the hospital, or going through a rough patch
• $125 pays for facility rental so we can bring in educational guest speakers on a wide variety of issues such as nutrition, dealing with the effects of treatment on sexuality, and post-treatment breast reconstruction.
• $200 pays for the facility rental and therapist facilitator for twice monthly group therapy sessions.
• $300 will send one of our members to our annual retreat at Harmony Hill

The guys, too…

Hey, look, it’s me. (One of the best parts of having a 2 year old little girl: Gem declared me to be a “mermaid princess” before I left the house #mamaswoon)

Thank you to everyone who contributed so much to this event, from the planning committee to the volunteers who put in so many hours the night of the party.

The decorations looked amazing, Brooke from Movin’ 92.5 kept the party hoppin’, and Miss Shelrawka rocked the house.

Thank you so much. I puffy heart love all of you.

One of those projects a presentation on our getaway to the Harmony Hill Cancer Retreat Center. I’ve just [...]]]> I’ve spent the past two days working on a couple projects that have had me knee deep in photographs from the Young Survival Coalition. That’s had me a little emotional, to say the least: memories, faces, friends…

One of those projects a presentation on our getaway to the Harmony Hill Cancer Retreat Center. I’ve just got to share a few of these photos.

There’s just something about the ability to get away from it all, and bond with the girls -

girls who have been through what I’ve been through…

at my age, rather than me being the youngest by 30 years…

Who knew getting our craft on would be so cathartic?

or so much fun

We noshed on homegrown vegetarian fare

Wined a bit

Practiced a little yoga

enjoyed the scenery

and got a little clarity.

The words on the back of our jackets:

“When it hurts
to look back,
And you’re scared
to look ahead,
Look beside you…
your friends
will be there.”

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This is the story of how I became an on air radio personality.

Ok, it’s not. I’m not.

It’s not even about me.

This is a story about Debbie Cantwell, and the non-profit organization she started on her kitchen table, all by herself, to help young women with breast cancer, like me.

This [...]]]>

.

This is the story of how I became an on air radio personality.

Ok, it’s not. I’m not.

It’s not even about me.

This is a story about Debbie Cantwell, and the non-profit organization she started on her kitchen table, all by herself, to help young women with breast cancer, like me.

This is the story of the Pink Daisy Project, and a generous donation from Bonneville Seattle and the Seattle Seahawks.

The Pink Daisy Project provides care and comfort to young women with breast cancer, by means of grocery cards, gas cards, drug store cards, and housecleaning services.

My little girl and I were invited to accompany Debbie, her mother, and Andrea to the presentation of the honor.

And a check that will allow the Pink Daisy Project to help quite a few more young women.

And then, the Seattle Seahawks presented Debbie with the 12th Man flag, signed by all the players.

Yes, of course, my daughter photobombed that shot.

Then we went into the booth, where Debbie told the story of starting the Pink Daisy Project as a way to pay it forward after receiving help from friends and family members during her own battle with breast cancer.

And she told us about her own Grandma Daisy, in whose memory this organization is named. Grandma Daisy taught Debbie, and the rest of us by extension, how to live and give back, even while battling breast cancer.

Andrea spoke eloquently about her two bouts with breast cancer on different coasts of the country, and the difference between one where she was surrounded by family, and the other where she was more isolated. The Pink Daisy Project was there for her when her family was far away.

And then I got a turn at the mic. Look out Seattle.

Actually, because the experience is still so fresh for me, it’s still quite raw. I still get choked up. My voice warbles at certain points. I have to take a moment…

Deep breath…

And my story comes out.

Pink Daisy Project Radio Interview

Thank you to the Seahawks and Bonneville for your generous donation to the Pink Daisy Project, and the help it will provide for young women across the country facing this terrifying diagnosis. Thank you, also, for broadcasting the story of Debbie Cantwell, and how her work is integral to the recovery of women like Andrea and me.

And thank you Debbie, for being there for me, and everyone else.

Pink Daisy Project on Facebook

Pink Daisy Project on Twitter

Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against [...]]]> It’s that time of year when the world is washed in pink, and people prance around in their favorite toungue-in-cheek, boob-aware apparel. But how much awareness does all this bring to the realities of breast cancer, and how much does this just turn our attention to boobs?

Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against boobs. I was quite attached to mine, till one tried to kill me. Boobs are awesome, an entertaining conversation topic, they bounce, they feed babies, they’re happy, fun playthings. Breast cancer is the Debbie Downer in the room.

There’s nothing quite like a breast cancer survivor telling the reality of her story to ruin all the fun of a cute little breast cancer “awareness” meme. I wish breast cancer was fun. I wish it was cute. I wish buying pink shoelaces would save a life. But breast cancer isn’t cute. It’s ugly. It’s deadly. It doesn’t care if you have a good attitude, or wear pink.

But I can’t wish the pink away, not until we find a better way to fund finding a cure. Unfortunately, not only do we have to endure pink every year, but every year breast cancer survivors go out and parade ourselves around to raise money for breast cancer organizations we believe in. Like it or not, the reality is that many good organizations funding research and programs that help women with breast cancer survive depend on October, on the Breast Cancer Awareness Month, the make the majority of their budget for the upcoming year. And yes, the results of that funding has lead to research that led to treatments that beat back my cancer. And those fundraisers brought in money for breast cancer support organizations that helped me survive my treatments. These fundraisers do make a difference when the money goes to the right place.

So as much as we hate it, we put on the pink and we paste on the smile, because these programs helped get us through it, and now we’re paying it forward so those programs can help someone else. BUT, we’re very careful who we support.

Not everything pink forwards money on to organizations that are seeking the cure, or supporting women with breast cancer. There are so many devious programs out there making money hand over fist selling pink items. Some paint an item pink even though it’s a known carcinogen. Some send no money at all. some just bilk the well-meaning of extra cash. They send $1 to a breast cancer org? Sure, but they bumped the price from $5 to $10 before they painted it pink. That little bit of pink is making them an extra $4 a pop, and you’re buying, not because you need it, but because it’s pink. Sometimes it’s more effective to make a direct donation (also tax-deductable) rather than purchasing something just because it’s pink in October.

Yes, awareness is important. Yes, its the once annual reminder to do the self-exam that we should be doing every month. But we also need to spread awareness that young women, even young girls, can get breast cancer. And men, too. And we can’t stop at awareness.

Unfortunately, there are alot of amazing women who are dying – and they’ve got all kinds of awareness. Awareness is not enough. We need a cure.

Since that day I’ve read a lot of books about [...]]]> I went straight to the bookstore after I got the “I’m sorry it’s cancer” phone call; surely amongst all the wisdom coded into letters and words, pressed to paper, and bound to books, would be some little snippet that would tell me how to move forward.

Since that day I’ve read a lot of books about living with cancer, but when Katherine Malmo placed the slender, uncorrected galley of “who in this room” in my hands, I knew I was in possession of something different.

Katherine’s book did not tell me how to move forward. But it was the first I’ve read that really connected with me on how it feels to have cancer.

That’s not to say the book is touchy-feely, in fact, it’s quite the opposite. One of my favorite quotes from the book shows her trepidation at joining a cancer support group: “You are afraid someone will try to hold your hand or leap from behind the ficus to hug you.” That pretty much sums up the way I felt the first time I walked into a support group meeting with the Young Survival Coalition.

I’m a little embarrassed to admit that I’ve had this book for well over a month, and I’ve been struggling with how to write this review.  I want to tell you that reading this book is like going through the process of diagnosis, treatment, grieving, and moving on – but then who would want to read a book described like that?

And I do want you to read this book. I want my friends to read it. I want my family to read it. Because even though this is Kate’s story, it is my story, too. And the story of all my friends who have looked cancer in the eye, and stared down death… even if only for a little while.

This is not a sad book. This is not a book that is just about cancer, although that obviously drives the story line. This is a story about getting up every day and living. And this is a book that ends at the start of her brand new life.

The launch party is on Sunday, October 2, 2pm, at Elliott Bay Books.

Katherine also writes the blog Hysterical Mommy Network.

And now, from around the interwebs…

TV: yes! really! I was on CNN! So here’s the deal: [...]]]> All the benefits of a robust metropolis and yet, nestled between the mountains and the Salish Sea, it takes no effort at all to let nature envelope you in Seattle.

And now, from around the interwebs…

Me: As Seen On…

TV: yes! really! I was on CNN! So here’s the deal: I got an opportunity to say thank you, and help tell the story of a woman who was there for me while I was going through the worst of my cancer treatment. Debbie Cantwell created The Pink Daisy Project to pay it forward after her own bout with cancer. She helped me at a time when the expense and exhaustion of getting through cancer treatment was really wearing me down. She sent gift cards so I could get food, diapers, and gas, and she hired some people to come clean my home.  It’s hard enough to keep your home clean with a toddler – add the side effects of cancer treatment, and it’s overwhelming.

From what I understand, out of the 25 heroes highlighted throughout the year, CNN will be selecting 10 finalists  for the awards ceremony. Web traffic and buzz are considered in their selection criteria – so the more you view and share this story, the more you like or recommend it on Facebook, and the more you comment on the story there on the CNN website, the better the odds that Debbie will be selected as one of the finalists.  As a result of the story so far, Debbie has already received an increase in donations to help more women. She also received a significant increase in requests for help.  As we get the word out more, Debbie will be able to help more and more women. And that’s the whole point.

There is also a second video; this one is even longer and shows more of my family.

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Darrah Parker Photography: We met up with Darrah at Ravenna Park on a sunny afternoon, and she took the most beautiful pictures of us.  My little family was hot and tired, and bordering on cranky, but Darrah found the best in us. We had a grand time posing for photos, and the results are just lovely.

Awesome stuff I found while I was pretending to be busy

It Matters: Mama Wants This explores the unexpected ways her life has has been enriched by blogging, and the unexpected ways in which she has been hurt by blogging.

The Aums: a discussion of that emotionally charged issue of, gasp, body image.

Dog Days of Summer: Northwest Mommy hosts guest blogger, Diane LeBleu, and her discussion of starting a business, getting a dog, breast cancer, and other bad ideas.

Peanut  Butter in my Hair: finding beauty in unexpected places

The Days Pass: Susan of Toddler Planet is one of my heroes. She’s battling her fourth cancer in four years; this time it’s metastatic. She writes so beautifully about balancing her pain management so that she can tolerate the pain, yet still savor the moments with her husband and young children.

This story was about Debbie Cantwell, another woman who survived breast cancer. She went on to build an organization to help other young women with breast cancer. She helped us by hiring someone to come clean our home when I was tired and weak [...]]]> This month you made your international television debut on CNN!

This story was about Debbie Cantwell, another woman who survived breast cancer. She went on to build an organization to help other young women with breast cancer. She helped us by hiring someone to come clean our home when I was tired and weak from the treatments. Now she is being honored as a CNN Hero, and I jumped at the opportunity to thank her, and tell the world how critical her help was. [Full Story]

You were so cute, but I wish I’d made you sit still before-hand, so I could get a better part in your hair.

Then, a few days later, they came out with another video, this time it was longer, and showed even more of you…

[Full Story]

The whole production was so much fun, and the team that came out to interview us was really nice, and set us all at ease right off the bat. Anytime you get a chance to stand up and say thank you – grab it!

We’ve had other big developments this month as well. We moved into a new apartment. It’s quite a bit smaller than our old place, but you love it. For one thing, you get quite a bit more freedom to run around the house than I allowed you in the old place, and you get to spend more time playing unsupervised in your bedroom. Some of that is out of necessity.

For instance, you graduated from a crib to a big-girl toddler bed.

I love listening to your non-stop chatter over the baby monitor. One day I heard: “keep trying, keep trying” and “try it again.” When I became a Mommy, I was granted eyes in the back of my head, and the ability to see through walls; I knew exactly what you were doing. I went into your room and sure enough, there you were perched on top of the crib railing making your escape. No more crib for you.

Unfortunately, you are also quite skilled at opening doors, and know exactly what to do with a deadbolt. I’m sure our attempts to keep you from wandering away would fail the fire marshal’s standards for ease of egress, but a mom’s gotta do what a mom’s gotta do. I’m certain a fire marshal with a 2 year old would understand.

Your happy place here in our new home seems to be mommy and daddy’s bed. Whenever you get quiet and disappear, that’s the first place I look. There you are, perched in the middle of our bed surrounded with your books and babies. And a couple times a day you will take me by the hand and lead me in there and ask to “sluggle.” How can I say no to that? When I go to bed at night, the first step is emptying our bed of your playthings so there is room for me to lie down.

You sing all the time. You make up little songs, but most of the time you just sing a running report of what you happen to be doing at the moment. I have often heard you singing: “sitting in a chair, sitting in a chair…”

Your language skills are really blossoming, but sometimes it takes a little time to figure out what you mean. The other day you came to me and asked me to: “rescue it, the pie cake?” I could not for the life of me figure that one out, until eventually, like Lassie leading Timmy to the well, you brought me to your bedroom and looked hard at the register under the window. So I looked too.

Sure enough, there was a pancake (pie cake) stuck in the register, along with a few crayons.  Maybe we need to rethink the unsupervised playtime in your bedroom. Also, we need to figure out how to childproof that register, because it get’s really hot. I know it gets really hot because the thermostat is within your reach. Maybe we need to rethink those ease of egress issues, too.

I don’t image this post is going to garner me any mom of the year awards, but that’s not the point anyway.

I’m just doing the best I can, just like most of the other parents out there.

Someday you might find yourself in the same boat. Parenting isn’t full of easy, one-size-fits-all answers. It’s hard, and sometimes you feel like there is no right answer. Parenting is trial by fire, learn on the job, and there is no way to know if you’re doing the right thing. It’s also the most fun I’ve ever had.

I’m so lucky that I get to be your mother.

I love you

Mommy