Building personal connections through social media #ShareAwesome

Building personal connections through social media #ShareAwesome

My daughter doesn’t have a baby keepsake book, she has my blog. For the past decade, social media has been the family scrapbook, recording the bumps and bubbles along the way, with a bit of introspection here and there to frame, add context, and derive meaning from the stories.

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Five years ago we celebrated the 20-year reunion of my high school graduation. I wasn’t able to attend the gathering, but still, it gave me pause…  My friendships with many of my classmates are more robust and meaningful now that we live thousands of miles apart than the were when we saw each other every day in school. Social media helped us to leap-frog over superficial variables like social status, that extra 40 pounds, or even proximity, and we began to connect over conversations, shared values, and even our differences.

When I was diagnosed with cancer, social media played another role in my life. One of the devastating impacts of cancer is the way it isolates us from the rest of the world: long, dark hours holed up in the bedroom, too tired for company, yet still lonely. Social media allowed me to chat with others and keep up with my friends at my own pace. Facebook and my blog allowed me to maintain contact with the outside world, update loved ones on my condition, and even coordinate some of the help around the house I so desperately needed. Now that I have completed cancer treatment, I use social media to help and encourage others who are dealing with cancer and it’s lingering side-effects.

McKinley Family Alaska 1947

McKinley family after the move to Alaska. 1947 – My mom is the little one in braids, peeking out from under her grandfather’s elbow.

This wonderful interconnected age also helps me explore my family history. Old photos brought down from dusty attics can be scanned in and broadcast to family members around the world, and the comments return with fascinating stories. Collectively, my family’s understanding of our past is enriched as we each participate in sharing these photos and stories. And as they are recorded, in the blog and elsewhere, they will be a resource for future generations as well.

With all this awesome of social media and digital technology comes some responsibility. We need to be smart about what we share about ourselves and others.  National PTA has partnered with LifeLock to share awesome ways families can create an open, evolving conversation about positive, safe decisions when using digital tools. It’s all part of having a happy, healthy lifestyle. For you, your family, your friends, and the whole world – everyone benefits when you #ShareAwesome!

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Snap a photo of an awesome moment in your day and share it on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram with the #ShareAwesome hashtag!

Students who enter the #ShareAwesome contest between September 15 – November 30, 2014 will have a chance to win fantastic prizes, including tablets and a $2,500 scholarship!ShareAwesome Clever Gram

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I was selected for this opportunity as a member of Clever Girls Collective and the content and opinions expressed here are all my own.

First Day of Kindergarten

First Day of Kindergarten

Twas the night before Kindergarten, and all through the house, everyone was so nervous and excited (or nervicited as Pinky Pie would say) they couldn’t sleep.

Hair was washed and braided so it would be easy to brush in the morning.

The outfit was selected and laid out.

Backpack was packed, again.

Extra stories before bed.

Lots of talking about what school would be like.

Toes tickled, forehead kissed, little girl all tucked in…

but she just couldn’t sleep.  “I’m starting to think morning isn’t ever going to come,” she said after getting up the fourth time to see if it was time to get ready for school yet.

I was in a slightly different state of mind. My plans to print out the cutest little sign for her first day of Kindergarten photo were foiled when my printer quit on me. So I spent those hours between tucking her in and tucking her in again using her back-to-school markers to make a sign for her by hand.

Gem's first day of Kindergarten | CoffeeJitters

Our little family of three walked to school together that first morning. Another family joined us with their new kindergartener. With each new turn and cross street more people joined our walking caravan to the school. As we approached the last corner before the school, we saw families flooding together from all directions, and we could hear the chatter of what must be thousands of voices. I was not prepared for the roar of sound when we walked on to the blacktop and over to the designated line-up spot for her class. So many children. So many parents. Especially for the kindergarteners, in many cases there were two parents for each child.

The bell rang.

The kids lined up, and followed their teachers into the classroom.

The parents stood there and stared at the building. Especially the kindergarten parents. How long was it ok to stand here and stare at the building like a crazy person before it gets creepy?

The principal came out and invited parents in to the cafeteria for coffee and a hard-sell on volunteering, before we all wondered off in different directions, a little overwhelmed at this new feature of our lives.

At the end of the first day of school, she was predictably exhausted

end of first day of kindergarten

The end of the second day was as well.

end of second day of kindergarten

But every morning, she bounces back, ready to take on another day of school.

This is part of our routine now: the walk to school, wondering which families our timing will sync up with for the next 4 blocks, parents starting to recognize each other – and each other’s kids, kids recognizing each other and excitedly getting caught up on everything that happened since 3:40 yesterday, friendships forming – for the adults and the kids.

It’s a beautiful life. <3


How to Juggle Cancer and Parenting: Roxanne Haller’s Story

How to Juggle Cancer and Parenting: Roxanne Haller’s Story

Age at diagnosis: 28 Diagnosis Date: Feb 2006
Type of Cancer: Breast cancer – Right Breast Metaplastic
Carcinoma with transitions to spindle cells.
stage at diagnosis: Stage 1
Treatment Plan: Lumpectomy, chemotherapy and radiation Current Status: Cancer Free!!!!

How to Juggle Cancer and Parenting: Roxanne Haller

How did you tell your kids about the cancer diagnosis?

Because my husband’s grandmother of cancer had died just 2 months prior, and my son had a difficult time with her death, we were very reluctant to tell him I had ‘cancer’ at first. We initially told him that Mommy had some very bad germs in her ‘chi chi’ and (because originally I was told I needed to have a mastectomy) we told him that the doctor was going to have to remove my ‘chi chi’ to get rid of the germs. That changed and I had lumpectomy instead.

We told him that Mommy needed to take some strong medicine that was going to make her very sick and tired, but through it all, no matter what, I still loved him. I was going to need lots of help taking care of him, and that I needed him to help take care of me sometimes. We also shared a book with him called ‘Mommy has cancer’.

How did your kids respond?

My son is very empathetic. He was very in tune with my emotions and could sense when I was sad or sick and would hug and love on me. He did at first check inside of my shirt to see if my breasts were still there. We tried to not tell him ever that mommy might die, so as not to worry him about that. But, we did want him to understand the seriousness and that I would be very sick.

What are some things you did that worked really well for your family with regards to dealing with the cancer, and treatment, while raising children?

My parents went through a divorce at the time of my treatment, so my mother came to live with me. It was wonderful to have another adult in the house to help with the burdens of keeping house and taking care of a toddler. I realize not everyone has this option, but essentially, I think we need to ask for help and allow people to help. We have to be a little selfish and take care of ourselves. If we don’t take care of our own health and mental well being, we are not able to be there wholly for our children. I did one thing that I am so glad I did. I had photographs taken of my son kissing my bald head. It is a physical reminder for us all to cherish every day. I also feel that it was a lesson to my son (and myself) that we are not our appearances. We shouldn’t judge people by the way they look because you don’t know what they are enduring.

Is there anything you wish you’d done differently?

I have no regrets about my journey with cancer, ultimately it has been a tremendous blessing in my life. It taught me a lifetime of lessons of faith, strength and love.

How did the impact of cancer change as time passed, and your children grew? Did it change?

I am well now, and have been blessed with another child. However, my son who was 3 when I was diagnosed is now 10. He does ask questions and seems concerned whenever I go to the doctor or have routine scans or mammograms. I try not to worry him, but ask him to pray for me. Cancer allowed faith into our family. God had not been a part of our daily lives, in fact I avoided the mention of ‘God’ at all cost before cancer. I didn’t want my son to have such ‘fairy tales’ shoved down his throat. But, cancer was a pathway to Christ for our family. It has changed the way I parent, and the wife that I am. And, has allowed us all to examine the purpose in our lives.

Do you have concerns about the long term impact of your cancer on your children?

Yes. I guess I feel SLIGHTLY less concerned in that I have male children. I realize they do have an increased risk for breast cancer, but I also worry about their overall cancer risk.

What advice would you give to other moms who are diagnosed with cancer?

Have faith, take care of yourself, allow others to help you. Let go of the idea of the perfect house and perfect parenting. You can only be a parent if you are alive to do it…so take care of your health. Find people you trust, whether through churches or schools whom you trust to help you take care of your children when you aren’t well enough. Be honest with your children, but try not to burden them with adult worries.

What concerns or fears troubled you the most?

At first, I was so worried about what my son would do without a mother, and that I would financially devastate my family. I was worried that my husband would have problems with my new body.

How did you deal with those fears?

Ultimately, I found a faith that allowed me to lay those problems at the feet of Jesus. It allowed me freedom from many of those worries and a focus on getting well. My husband was very supportive and my worries became unfounded. Friends blessed me by having benefits in my honor to help with the financial burdens.

Have those fears and concerns changed over time?

Yes. I now have another baby. I worry that something will happen to my husband and that I will fall ill and my children will be left without parents.

What was your darkest moment?

My darkest moment was the day I was diagnosed. I had suffered a miscarriage 2 1/2 months prior. My primary focus was having another child. When the surgeon told me I had cancer and I asked her if I would ever have another baby, she hesitated and said, ‘not for a very long time.’ I asked her if I was going to die, she told me not if we treated this very quickly and aggressively.

That day, my friends came over. I felt like I was numb, and that the world was happening around me while I was stuck in a nightmare. People were crying and cleaning my house around me. I felt like I was at my own wake.

What was your best moment?

Easy…accepting the Lord, Jesus Christ as my savior. Calling on him in my most desperate time to heal me, to take my cancer, my fear and my anxiety. And he responded with an inexplicable peace.

Did you decide to add more children to your family after your diagnosis? How did cancer figure into your decision?

No one highly recommended that I have more children, although my cancer was hormone negative. I did look into freezing eggs before I started treatment, but ultimately decided we couldn’t afford it. I did look into some clinical studies and found that taking Zoladex, even though I was triple negative, was found to preserve ovarian function in most women under 40. So, after being refused the zoladex by my oncologist, I sought the help of my gynecologist who did give me the zoladex treatments. It put me into menopause for the time of my treatment. 2 months after stopping the Zoladex, my cycles returned. And after about 3 years, my husband and I stopped trying to avoid pregnancy. I became pregnant 4 years after my diagnosis.

What did you do to take care of you? How did you splurge on yourself?

Baths and naps. I bought myself scarfs and wigs (although rarely wore them) and also, relatives sent me money to do what I wanted with them, so I treated myself to some comfortable pajamas.

Was it difficult to ask for help? Do you have any suggestions around the topic of asking for help?

You just have to suck up your pride, and take people up on their offers to help. People feel out of control quite often, but want to do something. I usually just asked people to pray for me, or to just visit with me.

Did you have an online resource that helped you through this experience?

Hands down, most valuable was the Young Survival Coalition at www.youngsurvival.org

Did cancer/treatment impact your relationship with your spouse/partner?

Yes, it taught us to prioritize our lives. It made us closer and tighter and stronger and put us on the same page spiritually. I felt very guilty at the beginning. I kept apologizing to my husband that he didn’t sign up for the one boobed bald headed wife. But, he loves me and that shone through.

Do you have any relationship advice for young moms dealing with cancer?

Be honest about your feelings, and allow your spouse to be honest about theirs. This is difficult for all of us and they are going through it too. I often felt like it was harder for my husband, because at least I felt like I was doing something about it. He just had to stand by…he felt that he had to hide his emotions and fear and be the rock for me.

What is something you wish your friends and family members understood about your cancer and its impact on your life? What would you tell the friends and family members of other mom’s diagnosed with cancer? What would you want them to know about what she’s about to go through, and how best they can support her?

I wish the people would not send me information that suggests that I might have caused my cancer by some behavior. I wish that people would understand that stress causes a breeding ground for cancer and that I don’t want to deal with other people’s drama. I would tell other friends and family to help…out of love, not control, to not tell the patient that it’s all in their mind. I would tell them to pray for and with the person suffering and remind them how much they are loved. I would tell them that no matter how many people there are supporting them, the patient often feels alone, and that no one truly understands what they are going through. Allow them that feeling, but remind them that you are there for them if they need to talk. Allow them to complain. It sucks, it’s sickening, it’s painful at times, its terrifying. Don’t try to rob them of their right to their fears and pain. Don’t tell them about everyone you know who died of cancer. Don’t pretend to know everything about their cancer.

Were there any cancer-related activities or events in which you participated that you think were especially helpful to you or members of your family?

Reach to recovery was helpful initially, but really just building one on one relationships with other YOUNG survivors and really making connections with other women with same concerns. I began speaking at events, such as Making Strides Against Breast Cancer also sharing at churches and with other people in waiting rooms etc.

Are there any resources that you recommend?

I didn’t use, but highly recommend The Pink Daisy Project, Young Survival Coalition, American Cancer Society. My favorite book was “Love, Medicine and Miracles” by Bernie Siegel and also Mommy has Cancer, can’t remember the author.

What are some solutions you found to practical problems of combining cancer treatment with raising young children?

I was blessed with an incredible support system. The problems I had were more my own. I had to learn to accept ‘good enough’. I had to learn to sometimes put myself first, and allow my husband to just be a father the way he wanted to…to be the primary care taker. It was also very important to me that I did not promise my son that I would not die, as that was a possibility. What I wanted him to know was that I would love him no matter what. So, I started telling him that ‘I love you all the time.’ I told him I loved him no matter where I was, or where he was, no matter what the time of day, whether we were young or old, or whether he could see me or not.

You can find more on the How to Juggle Cancer and Parenting Series here:

manage cancer and parenting

Tomato

Tomato

Summer tastes like a ripe, juicy tomato picked fresh from the garden and shared with your best friend.

tomato

We recently spent a lovely summer evening with family, sitting around their new fire-pit in the back yard. The girls picked a tomato from the garden, and then shared it with each other.

We’re all heading back to school, the weather is changing, and our thoughts are turning to autumn, but it’s so lovely to savor this last little bite of summer.

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How to Juggle Cancer and Parenting Series: Ari’s Story

How to Juggle Cancer and Parenting Series: Ari’s Story

Age at diagnosis: 34 Diagnosis Date: 2009
Type of Cancer: Breast cancer – Stage IIIC triple negative breast cancer Stage at Diagnosis: Stage IIIC
Treatment Plan: double mastectomy, 16 rounds of chemo 1 year of avastin
and 25 radiation treatments.
Current Status: Currently NED

Ari's Story

How did you tell your kids about the cancer diagnosis?

We talked about the surgery to remove the sick breasts we talked about the medications and how they would cause. me to lose my hair and make me tired and not feel good. We had several books.

How did your kids respond?

Both girls were 3 years old and they did well we had a lot of support.

What are some things you did that worked really well for your family with regards to dealing with the cancer, and treatment, while raising children?

accept help when offered and ask for help when you need it,

Is there anything you wish you’d done differently?

I wish I had been well enough to work through treatment; the financial struggles were awful and still are. I should have asked for help sooner. People want to help and need to know what they can do.

How did the impact of cancer change as time passed, and your children grew?  Did it change?

I think some of the effects are just starting to show. The girls worry more than they should have to. They do not really remember how sick I was. Just that I was bald.

Do you have concerns about the long term impact of your cancer on your children?

I worry that as they get older the realities of cancer and the risk of losing ones life will worry them. They were to young to understand that cancer could kill.

What advice would you give to other moms who are diagnosed with cancer?

Be as honest as you can with your children. They will know something is wrong. If you talk to them they will be less fearful. I think the unknown is more frightening than the truth.

What concerns or fears troubled you the most?

The fear of not being here to raise my little girls. I was blessed by adoption and I was terrified I would not be alive to see my babies go to kindergarten. They are now 1st and 2 graders.

How did you deal with those fears?

I strengthened my faith and did everything in my power to get healthy.

Have those fears and concerns changed over time?

I still worry that the cancer will come back. I just take it one day at a time.

What was your darkest moment?

getting the pathology back after my mastectomy.

What was your best moment?

the last day of active treatment

Did you decide to add more children to your family after your diagnosis? How did cancer figure into your decision?

I would love another child

What did you do to take care of you? How did you splurge on yourself?

I rested when I needed to and spent time with family and friends

Were you able to get help from friends and family members while you were going through treatment?

yes. I was lucky

Was it difficult to ask for help? Do you have any suggestions around the topic of asking for help?

It was difficult and still is. But I have found that many want to help and do not know how to offer. They are often grateful to be able to do something for you.

Did you have an online resource that helped you through this experience?

Young Survival Coalition

Did cancer/treatment impact your relationship with your spouse/partner?

Yes very negatively. In the long run we will be getting a divorce

What is something you wish your friends and family members understood about your cancer and its impact on your life? What would you tell the friends and family members of other mom’s diagnosed with cancer? What would you want them to know about what she’s about to go through, and how best they can support her?

That cancer does not end when treatment ends; it forever changes you.

Were there any cancer-related activities or events in which you participated that you think were especially helpful to you or members of your family

YSC & LBBC conferences

Are there any resources that you recommend?

LBBC and YSC

What are some solutions you found to practical problems of combining cancer treatment with raising young children?

I was lucky my parents live close (5 minutes) so they kept my girls the night before treatment and the night after. They also kept them for the 4-6 week stretch after my mastectomy so I would not lift them. I was close enough to see them anytime and was able to let my body heal.cancer does not end when treatment ends

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You can find more on the How to Juggle Cancer and Parenting Series here:

manage cancer and parenting