I’m having a little trouble wrapping my head around Gem turning five. She’s clearly 5. She acts like a 5 year old. She thinks like a 5 year old. I’m just having a little trouble keeping up.
I thought an interview might be a good way to try to catch up
Favorite color: Red and pink Favorite animal: cheetah What do you want to do when you grow up: police officer What is your favorite thing to do: play cooking What is your favorite book: My Little Pony Equestria Girls What is your happiest memory: going to the beach Why do you like being a kid: because I can play more If you could be any animal, what would you be: a mermaid What’s your favorite thing to do with Mommy and Daddy: snuggle Where is your favorite place to go: to the doughnut shop What is your favorite TV show: My Little Pony What is your favorite food: pears What was your favorite birthday present: kitchen and cook book What is something you don’t like to do: wait What do you think Daddy does at work: work on his computer And what does Mommy do: work on her computer, too, and takes care of me What is something that you’re really good at: running fast What is something that you want to get better at: going in the water and being safe from the sharks What is something that you want to learn: how to make a paper boat Who is your favorite person in the whole world: Bella What is your favorite thing to wear: dresses What is your favorite kind of weather: rainy Why: because I can stomp in puddles with my boots If we went on a trip anywhere in the world, where would you like to go: to school What would you buy if you had $1000: cherries What is your favorite kind of ice cream: strawberry What are you looking forward to next year: going to Kindergarten
The day started out with a plan, and it was all Gem’s idea. We were going to go on a walking tour of all the beautiful flowers in our new neighborhood. And, I would bring my camera, so we could take pictures and use them for a blog post.
My little unpaid intern is really starting to pay off.
We got off to a good start.
But, after a while we came across this:
And inside, they had this:
They also had books.
The walls were lined with old classics
and my little girl was entranced
We spent hours in the doughnut shop, and I got to share with her some of my childhood favorites.
The garden tour / photo walk can wait for another day.
Two days ago was my dear friend Dee’s birthday – a woman who lives thousands of miles away, yet somehow still finds a way to be here for me at those moments when it’s most important.
Yesterday was Candice‘s birthday, the first birthday she didn’t live to see, and I’m still angry that she’s gone.
In twelve days my little girl turns five.
On April Fools Day, it will be the first anniversary of Michele‘s death; that still feels like the cruelest of cosmic jokes.
In two months, if I manage to get my act together and pass these classes, I will finally graduate with my bachelor’s degree. It took 25 years from the start of the degree, and I stuck with it through several levels of hell, and no small measure of high water. But I’m right here at the end of that road, dammit, and I’m going to finish it.
And today?
Today is my fourth cancerversary. It is the fourth anniversary of the day my world was turned upside-down. It is the anniversary of the first time I really had to grapple with my mortality, with the knowledge that I can’t control how much time I have left. I had to accept the fact that despite my infinite love for my daughter, I could not promise her that I would always be here for her. I had to imagine the possibility of her growing up without a mother.
It took a while for me to let go of the idea of getting back to normal – that doesn’t happen after cancer. Instead, I’m learning to dream new dreams, and take what happened to me and try to make the best of it. I could sit here and mope through the day, feeling sorry for myself, but I haven’t spent any of my cancerversaries that way yet. In fact, last year something magical happened.
Tonight, I will be meeting with other leaders of the local Young Survival Coalition to plan out ways we can help other young women with breast cancer through the year ahead.
Life keeps coming at me from a thousand different directions. It’s a maelstrom of joy and fear, comfort and pain, fun and hard work. It’s exhausting and overwhelming, and often moves me to tears. Maybe that’s how I know I’m really living.
battered bruised scarred tenacious beautiful Inspired by a butterfly.
February was a difficult month. We moved, which is always stressful, and then there was all the homework for school, and all that was compounded by my illness and two hospitalizations during the month. My mom ended up coming out for a couple weeks, and that was a big help. Now, we are completely out of the old place now, and I just have to unpack at the new place. I’ll be tackling that chore at a much slower pace.
In the meantime, I’m feeling much better now, and we love love love our new Seattle neighborhood. We’ve had a blast spending the last few days exploring. Now that we survived the move, I can see that this new place will be a good change for us. We’ve already made a few new friends 🙂
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