My loves and the sea

My loves and the sea

I love the sea. I love its fury. I love its calming presence.

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I love the ebb and flow.

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So much life and movement and energy.

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It is, at once, destructive and regenerative.

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I could sit and watch the sea for hours. And sometimes we do.

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My loves, both, also enchanted by the sea.

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But today, she also wanted to fly.

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I {heart} Seattle

It was a crisp October morning, 21 years ago that I moved to Seattle. I was 21 years old. That’s half my life.

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I was the girl from the small town in Alaska. I had a line on a job, and a line on an apartment and roommates. Neither were set in stone. It was all a big gamble.

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My friend, Russ, picked me up at the airport and drove me to the place I was staying. He pointed out landmarks along the way, as I experienced Seattle traffic for the first time, and the downtown towers loomed in the distance. I was at the same time wondering what I’d gotten myself into, and falling in love with my new home town.

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The most important and amazing events of my life happened right here in Seattle.

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I fell in love. I fell in love again when my child was born. I beat back cancer. I grew into my own skin and learned to love myself. I surrounded myself with intelligent, authentic, and compassionate people who share my values. Of course these things can be done anywhere, but in Seattle, the fit was right.

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Access to art, culture, education, excellent medical care, urban villages with a small town feel and the benefits of a big city, mountains and water – yes, I definitely {heart} Seattle.

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Fierce

Fierce

FierceI think sometimes fierce gets a glamorous image. It’s easy to think of finish lines, mountain tops, and triumphs when we think of the word fierce – but fierce isn’t the finish, it’s how you got there. Fierce is the long, lonely runs in the rain, months, even years before the starting line.

Fierce is giving it your all, knowing there is no finish line. Do or die. For real.

Fierce is defiantly holding your baby after the mastectomy, against doctors orders.

Fierce is getting up in the middle of the night to change your infant’s diaper as your body reels from the chemo induced nausea and fatigue.

Fierce is getting up the next morning to go back for another excruciating treatment. Day after day after day.

Fierce is not passive; fierce doesn’t have time for pity parties.

Fierce fights back.

Fierce isn’t pretty, but it’s beautiful.

Fierce is making difficult choices.

Fierce is finding the courage to have a difficult conversation.

Fierce is embracing your integrity, even when it makes you feel unloved.

Fierce is knowing who you are, and being that person the best you can.

Fierce keeps learning.

Fierce understands that sometimes learning means un-learning what is no longer true, or even more painful, what you finally understand was never true.

Fierce is understanding that cancer is not a shortcut to courage, or wisdom, or strength. You still have to do the work to gain and keep those qualities.

You don’t have to have cancer to be fierce.

You don’t have to have cancer to practice courage, or wisdom, or strength.

You have a choice.

You can be fierce.

How are you fierce?

 

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This piece was written as part of the Clever Girls’ Collective Traveling Blue Wig Project. This project supports the Fierce Fund which will donate $20,000 this year to organizations that help girls and women. Check out their site and help select the Fierce Fund grant winner.

Judy Schwartz Haley is a mother, wife, student, writer, photographer, and breast cancer survivor. If you really want to see her get fierce, try to take her chocolate.

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Sunday Football – honoring breast cancer survivors

Sunday Football – honoring breast cancer survivors

I had one job when I walked out onto the field during halftime at the Seahawks game Sunday: walk in a straight line, wave, and don’t trip.

Oh, and don’t pee your pants.

Why was I out on that field? I had the opportunity to join several other survivors in representing the thousands of women who have battled breast cancer in the Seattle area.

view of football stadium from under the stands

Of course, moments like this always seem to involve a lot of waiting…

football stadium with pink balloons and breast cancer survivors

And, a lot (A LOT) of walking.

Just to keep things interesting, I stepped on a piece of broken glass two days before the game. I drove myself and the little one to the ER and ended up getting seven stitches -and then all that walking in the stadium, and across the field, took place wearing this gorgeous bootie.

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Don’t worry about the foot, it will be fine.

When I walked out on the field, I wasn’t worried about my foot at all. I had other things on my mind.

As we lined up under the goal post in the end zone, I suddenly realized that I had to pee. Fortunately, we were encouraged to dance. So that was me doing the potty dance to Katy Perry’s “Roar”  as we walked across the field from one end zone to the next. Whatever works, right?

century link field and the seahawks

I also managed to get on and off the field without actually tripping, but at the first 20 yard line, I turned to look at my friend Pam who was walking behind me, and the guy in front of me stopped – so I walked right into him.  I’m pretty reliable on these things.

the 12th man flag at century link field

I’m not the world’s biggest football fan, but I do love the celebratory feel of sporting events.

seahawks blue thunder drummer at century link field
seahawks blue thunder drummer at century link field

And the views…

view of high-rises from century link field
century link field

But my favorite part of sporting events is the people watching. These were the people sitting right in front of me.

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seattle seahawks fan
seattle seahawks fan

also, apparently some football happened.

seattle seahawks at century link field

How was your week?

Team Sakura and the Tour de Pink

Team Sakura and the Tour de Pink

How would you get back at breast cancer?

Last year Barb Greenlee got back at cancer by riding 200+ miles on her bicycle in the West Coast Tour de Pink to raise funds for the Young Survival Coalition.

This year, she’s doing it twice.

Not only is Barb riding in the West Coast Tour de Pink, but in September she completed the East Coast Tour de Pink, and earlier this year her gorgeous cherry blossom design was selected by Liv/Giant for their official Tour de Pink bicycle.TDP logo

Barb isn’t alone in this, and that is one of the reasons that the Young Survival Coalition (YSC) exists. Cancer can be very lonely, and much of the the breast cancer outreach is oriented towards senior citizens, and does not address the issues faced by young women, such as dating after a mastectomy, fertility, building a career while battling cancer, a cancer diagnosis during pregnancy or while breast feeding, and too many other issues to list here. YSC is there to help make sure no young woman has to go through breast cancer alone.

Barb is not alone on the ride either; she has a team pedaling along with her. Team Sakura is named for the Japanese word for the cherry blossom. These delicate blooms have taken on a special meaning for the members of our YSC group in Seattle. The blooms light up our spring, and they signify the temporary nature of life, as well as it’s delicate beauty. And they remind us to embrace each moment, to live fully, throwing everything we’ve got at life.

And so they ride. They ride to get back at cancer, they ride to support each other, and they ride because they can.

Team Sakura

Last year’s Tour de Pink was the first for Karen Lawson as well. Neither Barb nor Karen thought of themselves as athletes. Karen said, “I thought it seemed beyond my wildest dreams.  I could barely walk during treatment and physical exercise afterwards seemed like a million miles away from what I could manage.”

Barb and Karen trained together, along with their partners, Brent and Sebastian. The training can be difficult, often extending over a hundred miles each week. But completing the ride was a fulfilling experience:

“I’m awed by the support and love from all the other riders and volunteers.  They are so dedicated.  And then I’m so awed by the survivors riding.  Really taking back their lives and doing something so hard with such grace.  The ride is really tough, but it also feels really safe because there is so much support.  It was a great achievement and made me feel really powerful.  I didn’t have anything to prove to anyone but myself and I’m proud that I did that.”

~Karen Lawson

This year they’ve got a much bigger team, that means more support, and more fun and antics as they prepare. Training is still intense, but they always travel at the speed of the slowest rider. It’s not a race, and no one gets left behind.

Team Sakura and the Tour the Pink

Sheila Cain is new to the Tour de Pink this year. She was surprised at the commitment involved in training. In the beginning she thought hour long rides were time consuming, but now six hour training runs are frequent. The sacrifice and the challenge of the Tour de Pink is not just the 200 miles one weekend each fall, it’s also the months of training that make that ride possible.

Team Sakura and the Tour de Pink

[Photos provided by Karen Lawson and Nicole Taylor]

Team Sakura Members:

  • Barb Greenlee
  • Karen Lawson
  • Brent Felt
  • Sebastian Wright
  • Sarah Cruz
  • Sheila Cain
  • Tammie Turpen
  • Erin Johnson
  • Nicole Taylor*
  • Carl Taylor*                              *training only

These amazing people have done so much. They’ve endured the cut, poison, and burn that is cancer treatment – or they’ve been there for their partners through it. They’ve put in the blood and sweat to train for this event. The members of this team have logged countless hours volunteering for YSC in other capacities as well. And now, they are ten days away from the start of this epic ride.

They have a team page, and they have a team fundraising obligation of $25,000, and they are almost there. But not quite. As of today, they are about $1,500 short.

I’ve talked about YSC ad nauseum on this blog – but only because I am so passionate about this organization. The doctors saved my life, but it was YSC that saved me, my sanity, my spirit, my sense of self. I had wonderful friends and family members who were so helpful during treatment, but they didn’t comprehend what I was going through. The women at YSC did, and they helped me pull myself through.

UPDATE:

I wrote this post last year, but Team Sakura rides again this year! Here’s a link to their 2014 fundraising page, in case you’re inclined to support these amazing women, and this organization that helps so many women living with cancer.

Team Sakura 2014

You can learn more about my cancer story here:

my cancer story | Judy Schwartz Haley

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