Taking back October

Taking back October

There is a certain coziness to autumn. After the chaos of summer, it’s the time when we settle back into routine; we find a rhythm. It is the time of comfort food, of warm colors, and crisp breezes. It is the season of pumpkin pie.

Once upon a time, autumn was my favorite season, but all that changed a few years ago.

October – Breast Cancer Awareness month

In September of 2010, I looked forward to October with some enthusiasm. It was my first Breast Cancer Awareness month since my diagnosis 7 months earlier, and I didn’t know what to expect. I thought a month dedicated to people like me might be fun, and there were some amazing fundraising parties, but I was not prepared for the Pepto Bismol-colored tidal wave that engulfed me.

Now, when I think of fall, it’s with white knuckles. I’m either bracing for, enduring, or recovering from Breast Cancer Awareness month. In October, those of us with breast cancer don our pink boas, and work frantically to earn money for the legitimate organizations that are truly working for a cure, or helping people to live with cancer. Meanwhile, hucksters get rich off my misfortune by slapping a pink ribbon on a product, then bumping up the price by $5 to donate $1 to breast cancer charities. Everything is painted pink, even carcinogenic items. Well meaning friends pass around internet memes where they pretend to be pregnant, and this is supposed to somehow give hope, or something, to those women who lost their fertility to breast cancer. Everything is all about breast cancer awareness, as if breast cancer was some newly discovered affliction, and awareness could actually help you avoid it.

Yes, it’s true that there are things you can do to reduce your odds. But as of today, there is no guaranteed prevention, and there is no cure.

This morning, my YSC family lost another angel. This was the third loss for us in as many weeks. Rachel was interviewed for the same CNN Heroes story as me last year – the one where we honored Debbie Cantwell, and the Pink Daisy Project. In this clip, you can hear her voice, you can see the sparkle of her big smile, as eye catching as her orange bandanna.

We are warm blooded women, with hopes and dreams and responsibilities and heartaches. We are mothers, daughters, sisters, friends, lovers. We are individuals.

We are not mascots.

We are more than statistics.

Over the coming month we will be lumped together and presented to you as a barrage of numbers. 1 in 3 get cancer in their lifetime. 1 in 8 will get breast cancer. But I want you to see the faces behind the numbers. And I want you to pay attention to what these campaigns are really fighting for. Be wary of campaigns that are just for breast cancer awareness.

My friends are dying, and it’s not for lack of awareness.

I am aware of breast cancer, and I was for decades before I was diagnosed with locally advanced breast cancer.

You, no doubt, are very much aware of breast cancer as well.

Awareness will not prevent breast cancer, and while it can sometimes improve projected outcomes, early detection and treatment does not guarantee that the cancer will not return.

We don’t need more awareness. What we need is a cure.

The Accidental Amazon
Photo credit: The Accidental Amazon (Used with permission.)

How you can help

For all the frustration that surrounds Breast Cancer Awareness Month, there are some wonderful organizations who are doing laudable work in the breast cancer field, and these organizations depend on the funds raised in October for the following year’s budget.

Pay attention to what a breast cancer charity is fighting for. Are they raising money for awareness, or a cure? If they’re working towards a cure, how much of their research money are they putting towards the stage of breast cancer that is actually deadly, metastatic breast cancer? There are also a number of much needed breast cancer charities that do not focus on research at all, but their services are critical to the lives and well-being of women living with breast cancer.

Just to cut through the crap a bit, I’m going to list a few organizations below that do an excellent job of serving the needs of women with breast cancer. This is by no means an exhaustive list.

The Young Survival Coalition: YSC helps young women live with cancer, to connect with others with similar experiences, and to not feel so alone. I credit YSC with helping me keep my sanity while going through treatment.

The Pink Daisy Project helps young women with breast cancer to deal with the practical aspects of life while they are going through treatment. This is the organization highlighted in the CNN clip above, and they help young women who can’t wait for a cure. PDP hired someone to come clean my home while I was going through chemo and to sick to clean it myself. They sent me gift cards to buy the necessities of life when I was counting change from the couch to buy diapers.

The National Breast Cancer Coalition is so serious about curing breast cancer, they set a deadline, 2020. Their approach is science oriented rather than political, and they are committed to this goal.

The Dr. Susan Love Research Foundation – this science oriented research organization is also working on some groundbreaking research towards the goal of ending breast cancer in our lifetime.

Living Beyond Breast Cancer – the goal of LBBC is to empower all women affected by breast cancer to live as long as possible with the best quality of life.

If you find yourself tempted to buy something you don’t really need – just because it’s pink and it’s October – why not send your $5 (or whatever amount) directly to the organization of your choice instead? That way it’s tax deductible, and you know for sure that all the money is going to the charity.

Help us find a cure for cancer. Help us make pink just another color. Help us take back October.

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You can learn more about my cancer story here:

my cancer story | Judy Schwartz Haley

A sudden gradual change of seasons

Autumn always sneaks up on me.

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Back to school sales start when the temps are still in the 90s. The thought of wearing leather, or wool, or flannel is laughable. The sun sets a little earlier, but not so early as to impact my day. And the trees might start to take on a little more color, but I’m never really sure whether it’s because fall is coming, or that we just went six weeks without rain.

*Seattlites don’t really want outsiders to know that it rarely rains here in August and September, so shhhh…. let’s just keep this between us.

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We live on a little lake, populated by ducks year round. Theses ducks are a part of our landscape, any time of year. In the spring, they’re accompanied by ducklings, following their mama around the lake, until one day I notice that mama duck is accompanied by smaller ducks. By the time fall comes around, I can no longer distinguish the parents from their offspring.

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The trees around the lake are just starting to show a hint of red and gold. The color change happens gradually, but I never experience it that way. One morning, in the not too distant future, I will look out over a brightly colored landscape and wonder when this transformation occurred.

It happens this way every year.

Just as every few months I look at my daughter and wonder when did she get so big, but she was maturing right under my nose all along.

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Apparently, my 3-year-old thinks she needs a credit card

Apparently, my 3-year-old thinks she needs a credit card

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I let my little girl play with the junk mail because she loves the pictures, and the bold, eye-catching fonts are great for learning letter recognition.

But I didn’t expect her to fill out a credit card application.

Some day soon, I’m afraid our junk mail games will have to include a conversation about usurious interest rates, and the weight of debt. But for today, I’m just going to marvel at her form completion skills. This is an important life skill; it’s practice for the SATs, right?

What’s in your bag?

What’s in your bag?

The bookshelf is the first thing I check out when visiting someone new. It’s utterly fascinating to me what other people read, and often adds depth to my impressions of them.

I’ve recently discovered the “what’s in your bag?” trend, and that has me captured as well. There’s a strange voyeuristic thrill in seeing what other people carry around with them every day. I flip through the photos of items neatly arranged in front of the bag, and it makes me wonder about the people who carry those things around. What are they like? What are their values? Are they tall, short, young, old, extroverted, introverted? Do they use these items every day? Carry them around for just in case? Are these items precious to them? Did they even know what was in their bag before all the items were laid out to be photographed? Did they edit before the picture?

Every once in a while, I see the contents of a bag and think – I want to meet this person! How is that? We are making instant judgments based on the contents of a bag. Still, I find it interesting. And from an anthropological standpoint, I wonder what there is to learn from the averages of our bag contents, as well as the fact that the information is documented in the first place.   How will this inform future generations about what life is like in our world today?

Since, I’m peeking in other bags – here’s what’s in my bag.

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and here’s what’s in my little girl’s bag

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What’s in your bag?

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Eight years

Eight years

Dear Universe:

The sickness and poorer part of our vows were not an invitation. I’ll have you know that despite pneumonia, cancer, myasethenia gravis, a combined 18 nights in the hospital, more than 10 dashes to the ER, 8 years of at least one and usually both of us as full-time college students, layoffs, hours cut, car trouble, eviction notices, healthy diets, exercise, a sweet and miraculously healthy baby girl, daily “adventures”, good friends, a lot of wine, belly laughs, a home full of books, homemade dinners, long conversations late into the night, snuggling, holding hands, and occasional long walks on the beach, we’re happier and more in love than ever. You should also be aware that we have not given up hope on the richer and health part of those vows. You know where to find us.

judy schwartz haley
judy schwartz haley and aaron albert haley

Also, Happy Anniversary to my amazing husband. I love you more.

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